What Could Have Been
by guitaristah
Summary: Len is leaving. Would you think that this is a typical story under these circumstances? What if someone tried to prove 24-yr old Kahoko that her boyfriend isn't good enough? And what if this someone was close to Len's heart? What will happen to LenXKaho?
1. Pushed Away:  Prologue

I'm back! Haha, actually, I made another fic before this called 'Chasing After You' but I found it too similar to my old fic so I got pissed and rushed myself to make this. Don't take this too seriously, the original plan for this story was to make an EtouxKahoko fic, but it depends. I'm using Broken Arrow as my guide for the storyline. Hope you enjoy. :) Please leave a review if you can so I can get even more motivated to continue :D

* * *

Kahoko Hino was already 24 years old. She was currently working as a teacher for pre-school and grade schoolers, and sometimes for High School and College students. Most College students hit on her while High Schoolers were still shy about it, but their advances on her never managed to get through to her. After knowing what her last name was, they knew they would never have a chance. Why? She was in a relationship with _the_ Tsukimori Len for 6 years. Six years. No one understands why in the world Len hasn't proposed. That problem lies within the relationship itself.

Tsukimori has been going from country to country meeting all sorts of different stars and experiencing all sorts of cultures. Sad enough to know that he never brought Kahoko along with him on any trip, even to Korea or the Philippines, places close to Japan. She always wondered about that but it's been 8 months since they've been together with Tsukimori Len doing who knows what in China.

"Hino-sensei! Hino-sensei! I did it! I did it!" cried one of her High School students, Minami Iouko.

"See, I told you that you could get it with enough practice." Kahoko smiled. Minami Iouko was still in her Uniform. Kahoko was a teacher in a cram school every after school hours. She had perfect attendance and was the most popular teacher out of the five others. Most students found her averagely pretty but what struck them the most about her was her kindness and patience and her fair judgment. There were three female teachers and two male teachers. Both of the male teachers were the best violinists until Kahoko came along. Having been a student of a now international and most recognized Japanese violinist today, they expected no less about it but wanted to know how he taught. When she told them about it, they all found Kahoko and Len completely opposite from each other. Len nagged and was very strict in teaching, Kahoko was sweet and honest. But they were still very much in love.

Her shift usually ended at 7:30pm but she got out at 8:13pm because of one College student that was a slow learner. To help him out, she got Coco (real name is Marco), the foreign male teacher to help her out. She hasn't eaten dinner yet and she was starving.

"Coco, I'll go ahead. Sorry for the trouble!" she said, her things already packed and her desk clean. She had also arranged the seats and the music stand so as not to burden Marco any longer.

"Alright, Kaho-chaaan! See you tomorrow!" he said enthusiastically. He had a guest so he would stay for a while. And yes, Marco was gay.

She took one last look at the large room, making sure she didn't forget anything. She had already gotten her coat from the coat rack beside the double door; her desk along with four others by the wall was clean with the exception of Marco's and the seats and music stands were all arranged, with no trash on the floor. The room was used as a dance room during school hours for adults which explained the large mirror and the bars stuck to it. She had her car keys, time to leave.

As she went down the steps, she realized it was raining outside. She greeted the guard by the entrance and he smiled back. He brought an umbrella with him and brought her to her car. When she was inside, her heels not getting wet from the raindrops, someone knocked on the driver's side window and it was Kiriya Etou, who was getting soaked by the second. She motioned for him to enter the other side.

"What are you doing here, Etou-kun? Wow! Long time no see! You look so mature and taller!" she said, and hugged him briefly.

He chuckled. "Is it alright if I treat you to a Ramen shop? Or will your boyfriend eat me alive?"

"Ramen shop? Wouldn't people crowd over you? You're so popular in America. I never knew you won so many competitions even before you were 15."

"Forget about my fans, let's just eat! Aren't you hungry?"

In the end, Etou had to sign many autographs for the people who dined there, and took pictures, too. Kahoko was recognized by a few people, mostly fangirls of Len Tsukimori. There were two guys that had crushes on her and requested to take pictures.

"I'm really sorry. I thought I could avoid them, haha." He said as they were about to part. Etou's ride was a motorcycle.

"It's fine, Etou-kun! I actually had fun." She giggled. "Thank you for treating me. I owe you one!"

Etou smiled at her as she drove away. It was already 9:30 in the evening but he just stood there, hanging around. He looked up at the stars.

"Hoo, she's really going to get hurt, isn't she?"

"So you intend to make everything feel better?" asked a voice behind him.

Startled by the reply, Etou turned around and saw one of the guys back in the competition days with Hino Kahoko.

"Who are you?" He asked politely.

"I'm Hihara. Hihara Kazuki. I'm one of Kaho-chan's close friends."

"By close friend, you mean you like her?"

Hihara was slightly taken aback. "I'm older than you, you know?"

Etou didn't answer.

"I _liked_ her." He said, without eye-contact.

"Suuure you did. Len's going to hurt her soon enough. Aren't you just waiting for an opening, Hihara?"

Kazuki scoffed at his informality. "I don't intend to lose to you."

"Ooh, I thought you were a cheerful person. Why so dark toward me, huh?" he chuckled.

The next day, Len had sent Kahoko a text. She most probably pressed the buttons too hard that she didn't hit the right one out of excitement. She missed her boyfriend. She felt lucky just by thinking that Len was her _boyfriend_. It felt like a dream come true all over again.

**I left you something in your mailbox. Go get it.**

Without hesitation, she ran downstairs, greeted her mom and sister quickly and burst outside. She looked in the mailbox but it was empty. She looked around both ways but there were only common passers-by and no mailman. She figured it probably hasn't arrived yet. She figured she'd look inside again, bending down and putting her head in front of the mailbox.

"Are you stupid? Your head won't fit in there."

_That voice.._

She pulled away from the mailbox and instantly hugged whoever that person was. She knew that voice anywhere.

He laughed in her neck and inhaled the scent of her hair. Her hair was messy, and it was obvious that she had just woken up but it wasn't the first time he had seen her bed head. He held her tightly, still wearing his formal clothes. He kissed her neck, her jaw, her cheek then finally her lips. Her lips, what he hasn't tasted in so long. His tours prevented him from seeing her at all. They pulled back for a half a second to breathe and their lips met once more. It was PDA: Public Display of Affection but would it really matter if your beloved came back after 8 months of not seeing each other?

They pulled back from their kiss, Kahoko giggled at the familiarity and how much she's missed it.

"I miss you." She said simply, and buried her face in his neck.

* * *

"Len-kun! You're back! You didn't even inform the news or anything." Kahoko's mom said after inviting him in.

"Yes, well, I just wanted to see you first before anyone else." He said, with his arm around Kahoko as they sat on the couch. Kahoko seemed to be more radiant with Len around; most probably because she was happier. She seemed to glow every time she smiled even without her make-up.

When her mom had left, they both cuddled on the couch.

"So, anything interesting happen while I was away?" Len asked, kissing her temple. He seemed to want to kiss her some more but he controlled himself.

Kahoko leaned back on the arm behind her and moved closer to Len's face.

"There's way too many. I did meet another famous violinist yesterday…" she stared at his eyes.

"Kiriya Etou?" he asked, his eyes going back and forth from her eyes to her lips. Her hand slipped into his and fit nicely.

"Yeah, he treated me to dinner since I came home late yesterday."

Kahoko narrated everything Len had missed over the long period of separation. From her job to friends including Ryotaro, Nami, Shoko, and many others then her insecurities, her face, her hair. Speaking of her hair, it's not long anymore. It's short, bangs falling in front of her face until half of her nose and her hair ending just below her jaw.

Just seeing her talk animatedly to him—informing him about everything, not missing a single detail—reminded him of that _one_ time. He admitted that it was all his fault. He couldn't control himself that time but he considered it a guilty pleasure. Even though he still loved her, he still had to break the news no matter how much he didn't like confrontations.

Kahoko was still talking about what he missed when he interrupted her.

"Kahoko… I'm leaving again for another tour."

Hino paused. "But.. you just got back today." Her hand slipped away from his.

"I know, I wasn't really supposed to, but I wanted to see you and let you kno—"

"How long?" she asked him, without looking him in the eyes. Len knew that meant trouble whenever Hino asked him a question and didn't look him in the eyes. She's going to cry..

Len licked his lips and frowned. "Six months.."

Kahoko's head seemed to lean in forward from surprise. She turned to look at him and her expression seemed to say 'What the hell is wrong with you?"

Len started to defend himself. "You know it's the stuff I have to do.."

"Oh, so you have so much time for that and not for me? You have almost 60 days for that and only one day for me? You love me that much, huh."

"No! Of course not! You're lucky I even dropped by when I'm not supposed to. No one knows I'm here."

Hino looked up to the ceiling and pressed her lips together and brushed her hair with her hand from underneath. A usual gesture of girls when they're irritated.

They sat in silence for a while until Hino whispered to herself:

"This is so unfair.." and buried her face in her hands, moving away from Tsukimori and leaning forward.

Suddenly, Len's phone rang. He stood up. Hino watched him pace around.

"Hello? Yeah. Don't worry, I'll be there. Now? Yeah, I still have tickets. Alright."

Hino rolled her eyes and fell back on the couch.

Len stared at her and pursed his lips. He got her upset.

"I'm sorry." Was all he could say; he didn't know any other way.


	2. The Swing

_Should it be my fault for going after my dreams? Isn't that what everyone's been saying, to chase it? Why didn't I say that? I could have said other things to explain but this isn't solely my fault! _Len thought as he watched the clouds outside of the plane. His little confrontation with Kahoko left him guilty. Guilty of what, he couldn't figure out. He wore a cap to conceal his face and wore nerdy-looking glasses to confuse people, and mainly his fans. The slightly older woman beside him was listening to one of his songs called 'Candle Light'. He could tell because her earphones were quite loud. He became worried about what would happen if she discovered who the dorky-guy-with-a-cap-on was.

He rested his chin on his right palm, staring at the blue sky.

_She's my girlfriend, right? Isn't she supposed to support me with this all the way? Why isn't she making any sacrifices?_ He wondered.

"Excuse me sir, would you like some coffee, water or juice? Or do you prefer soft drinks?" asked the pretty flight stewardess. Len hadn't noticed her until the woman beside him tapped his shoulder lightly and impatiently.

"Sorry. Do you have any tea?" he asked, slightly altering his voice.

"We only have Lemon Grass tea." She replied.

He smiled out of politeness, "That'll do."

The plane had landed and Tsukimori arrived in the airport in London. He waited for his luggage patiently at the luggage carousel and picked up a somewhat heavy stroller bag with a tape that had 'Hino Kahoko' written in kanji. He sighed, forgetting he had placed that there before he visited Kahoko. He tried to shake that off as he went to the carpool and it didn't take him a second to see a piece of paper with Len's name in Japanese, in seriously wrong spelling. 'Rin Tsukimori'

"Len, you're back!" said Jonty, Len's agent, in English as he waved the paper excitedly. He had red hair that was so messy it looked like a clown's head, and the wrinkles on his forehead made it obvious he was past his thirties. He was slightly smaller than Len but had a terrifying attitude. Usually.

Tsukimori just continued walking, ignoring Jonty's rare enthusiasm. Jonty seemed to look awkward for a second but thought otherwise and tried to match Tsukimori's long strides.

"So, how was your visit with you girlfriend? Hmm? Oh, and look! I tried to write your name in Japanese!" he asked, acting like a kid that was able to spell his mother's name correctly for the first time.

Len looked at him as if saying 'you're annoying'. "What is wrong with you today, Jonty-san?" he said finally, with a slight Japanese accent.

Jonty seemed to stiffen and suddenly looked a bit darker.

"Maybe I'm in a good mood. Your meeting with the record label will be at four-thirty in the morning." Jonty said, his good mood dying down by the second.

"And one more thing," Len added.

"My name is not Rin."

* * *

After Len left, Kahoko's sister peeked in the room, about to ask if Len had finally asked her to marry him. Instead, she saw Kahoko crying into a pillow with her hands lightly pulling her hair.

"He said that to you?" Kahoko's mom and sister asked at the same time.

Kahoko looked away and didn't answer.

"Why is it so similar to so many of the dramas I've seen..?" her sister muttered to herself.

It seemed as if Kahoko's mother wanted to say "Oh, Kahoko" and hug her and let her cry but Kahoko was no longer like that. Ever since being officially Len's girlfriend, she realized that he was strong and desired to be as strong as he was. So then she vowed to take care of her own problems and refuse to cry in front of others _except_ Len. Her mother repressed herself from comforting her now grown-up baby girl, feeling helpless as all she could do was give words of advice and kiss her head, letting her know that she had her support.

After informing her family about her unfortunate… _quarrel_ with Len, her sister sat beside her, on the same couch he left her on a few minutes ago. They sat in silence, her sister taking in the new design of their living room. The couch was on a carpet imported from India, there was also a nice television in front of it with a coffee table in between. It wasn't Japanese style anymore.

"I like how our living room looks. It feels homey." She said, starting out with small talk. Kahoko hugged her legs and rested her chin on her knee.

"Kahoko, you've really changed." Her sister commented.

"How so?"

"I think it was ever since Tsukimori Len became your lover. You're less open now and.. it seems like your attitude has really changed."

Kahoko gave a humorless laugh. "That's because I only share everything with him."

"You know, I think he's not sacrificing enough for you." He sister said confidently.

Kahoko looked at her. "Really?"

"I think, you both have to make sacrifices if you want to make this work." Their mom said as she entered with two cups of tea and a glass of water on a tray.

Both of her children watched her, waiting for an explanation. Before she spoke, she set the tray down on the coffee table.

"For one thing, Kahoko," She said as she made herself comfortable on the chair beside the couch. "Has he ever put off his work for you and spent months with you? You've been together for what.. four years?"

"Six." Kahoko corrected. Her mom was about to continue, but she paused and looked at her, shocked, but continued anyway.

"He should at least spend more time with you if he really wants this to work out. Based on experience, honey, if he can't do that, he can't do anything else." She said taking a sip of water. "But then," she peeked at Kahoko. "What sacrifices have you done for him?"

* * *

"What _have_ I sacrificed for him? It seems as if I haven't done anything for him at all." Kahoko mumbled to herself on her way to work. She parked her car at the 'reserved for teachers' area. There were still a lot of cars in the parking lot which meant that the dance classes that took place during school hours was still going on. As she exited her car, she breathed in the nice, fresh air that the nature around the rocky floor gave off. She liked that this parking lot wasn't like the other boring ones with absolutely nothing in it. There was even a tree at the far end with a swing on it.

"_Don't push me any higher!" Kahoko yelled, afraid that the skirt of her dress would fly up and reveal her underwear._

_Len just laughed and caught her as the swing fell back. He made it stay still, holding both ropes with both of his hands._

"_Why'd you stop?" Kahoko asked, looking up at him, his face only inches away._

_Len lightly kissed the bridge of her nose and pushed her again. Kahoko gasped and held tighter on the ropes. "I wasn't ready for that!" she yelled. But he caught her again and kissed her lightly on the lips, pushed the swing and did it again._

_Kahoko got dizzy but she wasn't sure if it was from the sudden movements and sudden stops or because of how many times Len had kissed her. They both sat on the small space of the tree, but since only one person could fit in it, Len held Kahoko on her lap._

_She felt his lips brush her neck as he smelled her hair. She got tickled and her right shoulder went up on instinct as she moved away from his touch._

_Len chuckled. "Are you getting tickled?"_

Kahoko shook her head. She shouldn't be remembering this even though it happened nearly a year ago. She leaned on the hood of her car, waiting for the students to come out. She noticed that two of her colleagues had already parked their cars. She sighed and checked her watch. Oh wait, she didn't have a watch and looked for her cellphone in her bag. But as she did, the students were already exiting the mini school. It was already 2pm and some of the grade schoolers and preschoolers usually got dismissed at this time. She made her way up the steps past the people going in the opposite direction and as she entered the room, there were still a few people left, doing stretches with the teacher. She set her things on her desk by the wall and sat down, organizing her things or basically she was trying to make herself look like she was doing something so that it didn't look like she was waiting for the people to leave. As she was 'organizing', the dance teacher went up to her to thank her for allowing her to use this place. Another person with boyish hair walked up to her. She could tell she was a girl because of her eyeliner and lip gloss.

"Kaho-chan? Is that you?"

Kahoko was amazed. "Mio?"

* * *

"…that's why I couldn't really meet up with you guys." Said Kahoko after school hours. Mio was patient enough to wait for her friend to finish up in 5 hours. She watched from preschoolers to college students, learning the violin. At times when she got bored, she'd do a little stretching beside one of the teachers who were doing yoga or tried learning the violin herself. It became easy for Mio to become friends with Hino's colleagues because they were all such open and friendly people. Right now, at quarter to eight in the evening, they were at a pastry shop eating sweets. Just like in the High School days.

"So it's like you were drinking alcohol." Mio said.

The water Kahoko swallowed seemed to go down the wrong way.. "H-how so?"

"Well, I know for a fact that Tsukimori-kun drinks alcohol since he's been to countless parties abroad. I know you don't. I guess you working extra harder and working overtime is like you trying to get drunk to forget everything while he was away, right?"

Kahoko made a weird face.

"You could have used a better analogy though." She mumbled and started to play with her food.

"I'm proud of you, though. I was getting worried that you'd start ruining your life by getting hung-over every night or something." Mio commented.

"Thanks, Mio-chan." Kahoko smiled. "You look really different now. Your hair's still the same, but you're glowing. I bet you've got a lot of suitors." Kahoko said with a smug face. As Mio humbly shook her head, Hino's phone rang.

"Sorry, I'll have to take this." She said, going outside to the front of the pastry shop. But as she did, someone caught her wrist with a tight grip that somehow didn't hurt.

"Etou-kun, what are you doing? Anyways, I have to take a call." She said, trying to wriggle herself away but Etou was also holding his phone and had a serious look on his face.

"It's me." He said, and she heard his voice from her phone as well.

For some reason, his gaze held hers and she couldn't look away.


	3. Etou

His eyes seemed to pierce through her in a way she couldn't understand; he seemed to be angry but was also concerned at the same time. She felt water fill her eyes because the way he looked at her resembled how Len usually got her to bring out her problems.

Abruptly, Etou's expression lightened as he looked inside the shop, staring at the television. It was the showbiz gossip program of the nightly news which currently showed Tsukimori Len's unannounced visit to Japan just today. (Len had already arrived because the plane he rode was smaller and faster.)

Etou opened the door and led Hino inside to watch the news. Mio and two other people in the shop also gazed at the TV.

"Today, it is confirmed that Tsukimori Len had visited Japan this morning. He flew from London the afternoon before and arrived at 9 am today." Said the reporter.

A picture of Len texting inside a taxi cab was flashed. "It seemed as though he was in a hurry for something and started texting somebody on his hand phone."

Another picture flashed showing him hugging Hino Kahoko from behind, in front of a mailbox.

Hino gasped.

She couldn't concentrate on what the reporter was saying because all she could see was the picture. She was shocked that someone had seen the both of them; well she shouldn't have been because they were on the sidewalk in front of her house. There were clips of Len being interviewed and suddenly, a Japanese reporter in London had interviewed him as he and his agent were on their way to an interview.

"You found out about that?" Len asked, looking slightly surprised. He pursed his lips.

The voice of the interviewer was too soft to be heard unless your TV would be on full blast.

Len smiled and exhaled some air from his nose that made him sound like he just laughed. "Yeah, I just wanted to see her. I felt good." He said, surprisingly with no emotion despite easing up the interview atmosphere with a small laugh. But then again, he was also sometimes called as the Ice King.

The people in the shop stared at her and started to exchange quiet whispers. Mio looked at her sympathetically.

Kahoko walked up to her. "I'm sorry Mio, but I think I'll go now," and started to exit the shop. Etou closely followed with a concerned look on his face.

"What happened?" he asked, running after her. She ran past the pastry shop and stopped under a defective streetlamp.

Kahoko turned around, teary-eyed. "You don't have to know!" and started to march on. Etou rushed after her and caught her wrist. She tried to pull away in an effort to hide her face but a small whimper escaped her mouth. Light rain started to pour and that seemed to calm her down to some extent. The streetlamp flickered slightly. She still tried to slip her wrist free from him and pressed her lips together in an effort to stop herself from crying.

"Stop." He whispered.

She stopped.

A few seconds passed by in silence, and Kahoko's tightened fist seemed to loosen. Etou thought that she might not have wanted him there so he let go of her wrist.

"I'm sorry." He said and put his hands in his pockets, walking away. He was about to wear his headphones when he felt a slight tug on his arm. He looked back at Kahoko, still hiding her face.

"What—"

"He lied." She said, sobbing. She was basically sitting on the floor, her dress getting soaked. Etou took his jacket off and wrapped it around her. It was freezing.

"Why? Why doesn't he want me?" she asked him.

Etou knew the answer very well. "Because," he helped her stand and led her to her car. "he never realized that there's more to life than success or being better than everyone else."

* * *

"Why are you doing this?" Kahoko finally asked. Etou was in her bedroom, making her warm with her blankets. She started sneezing just awhile ago so he gave her some vitamins. The night was quite cold and he didn't want Kahoko to catch the flu. He closed the window.

Etou was caught off guard by her question. He turned away, feeling the heat rush to his cheeks and the small smile forming on his face. "Uh, why do you say that?"

"I know that you're not like this. I just.. I guess I'm just getting used to the fact that you're being nice to me."

He looked at her and felt quite guilty. Was he that rude to her the past few years? How many years had they known each other and she still couldn't take a hint?

He noticed a row of picture frames on top of Kahoko's 'make-up table'. All of them were different pictures of her with Len, from High School up to last year.

"He hurt you, huh?" he asked unnecessarily. He felt anger towards this 'perfect' man. He didn't know how to give or sacrifice to other people unless it was for himself. Etou knew that he had an even bigger ego than Tsukimori back then, because back when he was still growing up in America, he had been praised to no end. He started to judge others and even look down on people when he came back to Japan. Okay, so he was still a bit arrogant but…

Kahoko was quiet. She looked haggard as she stared out the window.

"Sorry. I'll be going now. Don't catch a cold, okay? You can come to me when you're down." he said, as he opened the door.

"Etou?" she called.

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

* * *

_Days went by with Etou there for me. To be honest, I'm still shocked. Whenever I asked him the real reason why, all he said was that his weakness was seeing girls cry and he didn't want to see me crying. But that got me wondering; since I notice millions of girls walk up to him almost everyday, asking for something that isn't his autograph, run away in tears. I even met Shimizu Keiichi again! He's so much more handsome than ever! He's grown taller and the bags under his eyes lessened. It seems that he's in an orchestra conducted by one of the most famous European conductors. He was required to have proper sleep and they had scheduled practices almost everyday. It was like him to stay single and seem to be married to his cello, but it appears as though he's never changed. He's still the same old Shimizu-kun._

"Kaho-chan! I think we have a new student?" Marco called, interrupting her thoughts. He waited for her as he left the door open, staring at who knows who. (He's the teacher that's gay. But none of the students know.)

Hino encouraged her students to continue practicing as she went to check on her new student. When she neared Marco and peeked outside their double door, she was surprised to see Etou in his usual clothes, his headphones around his neck, holding a unique-looking violin case because she almost mistook it for a small guitar or a ukulele.

"W-what are you doing here?" she asked him.

"He looks an awful lot like my idol, Kiriya Etou!" Marco whispered excitedly.

"I'm here to learn violin from Hino Kahoko." He said seriously, looking like one of those rebel teenagers that have no emotion at all.

"Okay, then. Come in, Etou." Hino said, ignoring Marco's silent 'guy fan girling'.

As soon as Etou walked in, most of the girls in the room started screaming and searching for their cameras and cell phones.

"Everybody calm down! You can all take pictures and get autographs from Kiriya Etou later." Hino said, trying her best to control her class, including the others holding intermediate to advanced lessons. Etou stood beside her, watching her calm the girls down. The guys seemed to be surprised, a few really shocked like Marco, but that was it.

When everyone was seated, Kahoko unnecessarily introduced Etou in front of everyone, after which, screaming ensued again but the students knew when to stop.

"So, Etou-kun. Why not tell the entire class why you are here?" Kahoko asked him, with a seemingly angelic smile on her face.

"I'm here to watch my close friend, Kahoko, teach her students and maybe also to help out." He said. _Two can play at that game._

He almost lost his composure when he saw how Kahoko reacted to him saying her name. He barely noticed the 'yeehee' and snickers of the students.

"O—Alright, then! Before we continue, let us hear a short song from Etou!" she forced out, her eyebrow twitching slightly.

They both seemed to be getting back at each other for nothing.

Obviously, after Etou played, everyone cheered and clapped. Kahoko felt as if she was teaching on her first day again because Etou made her feel self-conscious. He would watch everyone play and sometimes correct them, then suddenly turn his gaze on Kahoko, who would look back at him only to find him avert his gaze and smile. Work ended weirdly for Kahoko. Since Etou was there, they had to eat out, he refused to be taken home and so she had no choice. She absently took her cell phone from the desk, not minding anything else other than the conversations Etou was having with the other teachers.

"Do you have a girlfriend, Etou-sama?" asked Marco.

"No. Not yet." He smirked.

"What does that mean?" asked one of the female teachers.

"It's a secret."

"What's your relationship with Kahoko?" another asked.

"Oh, _Kahoko_?" he chuckled, saying the name he was 'forbidden' to utter. "She's.. She is an old friend." He said, slowly losing his smile and sounding less enthusiastic. If you had a good acumen, you would know that he wasn't so sure what to say, more like he couldn't say it because he knew she wouldn't agree to it.

Kahoko heard _that_ and threw her stuff inside her bag and pulled Etou out of the curious and persistent people wanting to be a part of the life of the globally famous Kiriya Etou, who is so much more famous than Tsukimori Len. (Len is touring only to increase his popularity. His mother and father are the ones who are famous globally.)

Kahoko was driving her car on the way to a Western restaurant, she couldn't remember the name because she was terrible with her English. It had something with Italee in it. Italyanis? Itallianis? Tanilis? She couldn't possibly ask Etou what it was again because he would tease her. She seemed to feel nervous after everything he did to her today. For one thing, she was so flattered that he came to watch her work, no matter how boring it seemed to her. She always wanted someone to just knock on the door and whoever that person was, it would shock the people around her and make her feel more special. Maybe it was during the days when Len had neglected her.

Which was all the time.

She only sees him few times in a year, but they seem to have preserved their relationship. The way she sees it, she'll break it off because she can't take the loneliness she always feels, even if she still loves him.

Etou started to remove his headphones and for some reason, Hino's heart started racing, eagerly anticipating whatever he was about to do. She watched the street lights pass his face, his hair and his trademark jacket. He still looked like a rebelling teenager at 22.

He pulled out a comb and combed his hair back. His bangs didn't fall back as she expected. He looked like a.. a really hot guy that wasn't Etou.

She felt hot, especially her cheeks. "E-Etou, what are you—what are you doing?"

"Italianni's is a popular restaurant. We're going to the one where less Japanese people dine in." he said, checking his look in the mirror. "Oh, just park there." He pointed by trees and bushes.

After she parked, she got her things and suddenly Etou asked her:

"How do I look?" he asked, staring into her eyes.

Hino flushed and muttered something incomprehensible as she got out of the car. She felt her cheeks and wondered what the hell was happening to her. She reminded herself that Len was still her boyfriend.. but he doesn't care about her and wasn't she thinking of ending the relationship? She fanned herself with her hand.

Etou watched her closely. It seemed Kahoko was too worked up over something that she couldn't feel his eyes boring into her back. He knew whenever girls fanned themselves, it meant they were feeling hot. Not in the physical way, but it meant they were attracted to something. Him, of course. Who or what else was here? Besides, he knew he had good looks. He smiled at that and moved closer to her and blew on her ear. He laughed as she pulled back, startled. He made a lot of moves on her today, it seemed to be working since she wasn't the old freaking dense Kahoko. '_This will be the last one'_ he thought as he held her hand, on their way to Italianni's.

He had fun by just simply watching her. Her head was bowed, most likely in an effort to hide her pinkish face. She kept pursing her lips, and later licking them apart. He made some small talk, hoping she wasn't uncomfortable at all.

After ordering their food, Kahoko seemed amazed by the different appetizers. She had never been out of the country, for one, she didn't have enough money and because Tsukimori never brought her with him during his vacations because he said some things about work but that never bothered her because whenever he came home, he was never empty-handed on his way to her house.

After some time, Etou put his fork down.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

He hesitated. "Can I ask you something?" he asked, looking serious.

Kahoko was reminded that Etou is a guy; a guy that seemed to like her even back then.

He took her silence as a 'yes'. "Who is a better lover, me or Tsukimori?"

If Kahoko was eating or drinking, she would have choked. But in this case, as she swallowed out of nervousness, it went down the wrong way and suddenly coughed, reaching for water. Kiriya was disappointed by her reaction.

"Uh, I can't really—I don't think, I mean.."

"What?"

She kept quiet and thought this over.

Etou is even more famous than Len yet he spends all his time with her. But she understands that Len is working hard to be as recognized as Etou. Len and Etou always seem to be matched and in a sort-of-the-same situation. They both seem as if they are the same person.. but aren't?

"I can't.. really say." She said, finally.

Etou was quiet for a long time, studying her face. Hino wondered if she struck something. "Why?" he asked.

"Well.. for one thing, I don't know who your past girlfriends are, so I can't ask—"

"I never had any."

'_What? How can he not have any previous girlfriends?'_ Kahoko thought.

"I probably did when I was ten or thirteen years old, but that wasn't love." He explained.

"But.." Hino said slowly, choosing her words carefully. "I don't know how you love so I can't answer that."

"Then be my girlfriend." He said without thinking.

Hino blinked. "What?"

"You can't just ask someone how I love or how someone else loves. Everyone, and I mean everyone, have their own views and it's all very different from your own. The best way to know how is to experience it yourself." He said, expertly.

She took a minute to register that. "How do you know so much, but you lack experience and you're younger than me?" she asked.

He seemed to be flattered by this. "Maybe I was born with it. But don't change the topic."

'_Dang. He got me.'_ She thought.

"I couldn't.." she started.

"I never left you." He said. "To be honest… I had a crush on you back then. Remember when I took back what I said about you and your school? I liked you. You impressed me with your passion and your kindness. Even when I was rude to you, you weren't all 'he's crap to me so I'll be crap to him' crap. I knew you liked Len. Your feelings were stronger for him, right? But I still have a chance. Why? Because he's not treating you right. I know him."

Kahoko shook her head. "How can you possibly—"

"We grew up together. He was my classmate in Violin school."

Silence passed slowly, it seemed to calm them both down as Kiriya seemed to get worked up. She was getting pressured as well.

"Please, I'll treat you right. Better than Tsukimori ever will. I'll give you time. I'll wait. Please, I'll—I'll do anything." He begged. He even stood up and bowed. A few people stared at him.

"S-stop that!" Hino chided and stood up to push him back into his seat.

Etou caught her by the wrists. "Only if you'll let me." He said, going out of his 'collected' self and practically begging.

Before Hino could reply, her phone rang.

It was Len.

* * *

Sorry for the late entry. School has started again (We had our Semestral Break) and so I will, as always, be updating every week. I already have Chapter 3 in progress. Next week will be special because it's our Sportsfest. I'll be writing then. Stay tuned! :) -**g.**


	4. Unexplaining

"I—I think I have to take this. I'm sorry. Wait for a minute." She said to Etou as she stepped outside.

"Hello?"

"Kahoko?" Len's voice rang through her ears, familiarity greeting her warmly but it didn't seem to kick in very well, thanks to their last meeting. She sat on the bench in front of the restaurant, the one farthest away from everyone.

"What is it?" she asked nervously.

He hesitated. "Nothing, really.."

"I know that tone. Why did you call me?" she asked, both playfully and seriously.

He paused yet again. "I just feel.. like I didn't explain myself properly the last time.."

Kahoko felt anger build up slowly. "What is there to explain? What's so hard to understand about—"

"You're not making any sacrifices for me, Kaho. Don't turn this on me." He said sternly and confidently. That would've made her flinch, but his eyes weren't there to pierce her.

"What are you talking about? You haven't made any sacrifices either! Do you know how hard it is for me when you're not around? Did you know that I cry myself to sleep just thinking about… whatever it is! Why are you making everything so much harder?" she yelled, feeling her tears form in her eyes.

"Why are you blaming everything on me?" he asked calmly. His tone enraged her even more.

"Why can't you see any of your faults? You're such a terrible Mr. Perfect, Len!"

"Then it's better to break-up, isn't it?" he finally exploded. She knew why because she noticed that since the past years, him being called a 'Mr. Perfect' by the press has always been a sensitive subject. He learned how to face the expectations of his parents, but being put in a position of always being on top is not an easy task. He was put under even more pressure, especially his home country. Only Kahoko knew his secret: that he really envied Etou. No one expects any more from him. He's already globally successful, he's a billionaire but he treats everything like it was meant to happen and he's so relaxed about it. But now, I guess you can say they both went too far.

Kahoko was speechless. "I… I never even thought you would—I can't.."

Len listened to her crying over the phone. It was wrong of him to say that, to hurt the only girl he'll ever want to love and he was wrong in so many other ways. Was he too much of a burden already? He never knew he was the reason for her tears. In fact, he just didn't want to think anymore. There were too many questions and realizations entering his head, even his heart felt fuzzy. He didn't know what to say, he was ruffling his hair in belligerence because he wanted to make it right, but just didn't know how. He started to hate himself even more.

"Wait, no. Kaho, you know I don't mean.." he started. But to himself, he made no sense. He was good in languages, English, German and Japanese, but as he thought, neither of the words he could think of could explain how he felt in all three languages. Everything only made sense in his head.

She calmed herself down and took a deep breath. She spoke, although she sounded sick. "Fine," she swallowed. "it is much better that we won't be together. You don't have to have me harassing you all the time and I don't have to worry about you liking all those gorgeous girls you meet. Just forget we ever met." She said, and hung up.

It's funny because Kahoko was a terrible liar. This happens to be one of the first lies that worked so well. She didn't stutter, nor did she giggle. The funniest part? Tsukimori believed it. She only lied twice: the first and last sentences.

She buried her face in her hands, slightly having problems with breathing, but that was normal. She felt like there was a hole somewhere on her heart. There was also a large lump in her throat that prevented her from swallowing normally.

He saw her crying silently in the corner of the restaurant, the most unnoticeable place of the sidewalk. He could already guess what happened. She probably got hurt even more because 'Mr. Perfect' needs a 'Ms. Perfect', which is something Kahoko is not. At least, if Kahoko was Etou's girl, she would be.

He walked towards her quietly and sat beside her. _God_, he hated to see her cry. He couldn't help but feel bad. He all too eagerly reached out to embrace her, to feel her head on his chest, to feel her heartbeat and her breath. He long awaited for this day to come. He always thought he just had a crush, a small crush on Kahoko, but no. They say that a crush can only last to a maximum of two months. How could it have gone on for 6, 7, 8 years? He remembered he'd always visit her whenever Len was out and exchange stories with each other. He hated those days back then because he knew he couldn't court her. He could never keep himself from seeing her, though. It's like a habit of his, to go see her every now and then, maybe it's because of the slight ache somewhere in his ribs or because he wanted to see how much prettier she would get each day. But today, he could see a fragile Kahoko crying in his chest. It felt strange, but blissful, feeling as if he could actually die from this sort of happiness. Suddenly, he wanted to puke by just thinking about all those cheesy things.

She sobbed quietly and muttered incomprehensible things. He shushed her gently, feeling her relax into his chest. After she calmed down, Etou held her cheek with his hand, tilting her head slightly so he could see her face. She pressed her lips together in an effort to keep the tears from falling, but failed. She tried to blink them away but they just keep falling. She worried if she looked pitiful but that didn't matter. She was just glad that Etou let her express her feelings. She was glad that she could trust him.

"Is he leaving you again?" he asked.

She paused, turned away from him and wiped her face with a handkerchief. The hand that held her face fell limply on Etou's lap. She explained to him everything that just happened. He seemed to not understand why they broke up over him being a 'Mr. Perfect'.

"You don't know what I've been going through." She said, simply.

Etou sighed. "It's true. I don't know much about you, compared to Len. Everything is still a little vague, but how are you going to deal with this? Breaking up with him is the last thing I thought you'd do."

Hino couldn't answer this one. The reason that came to mind was because she thought she could have someone else. What he asked, if he was a better lover, was still fresh in her mind. It made her want to play with love. She wanted to see who was a better bachelor in her life and wondered why it was only Len and Etou. But she figured she was thinking too much then started to feel guilty for thinking such seemingly 'bad' things. But even if she wanted to simply try, she still wanted Len in her life. She loved him deeply.

* * *

_'I made another mistake, how could I be so stupid? People say everything we fight about with our lovers are just misunderstandings. Why was I stupid enough to think that I was right and judge her when I don't know the situation or what she's going through? What the hell am I going to do now?'_ Len thought.

**_"Just forget we ever met."_ **

_'I never wanted this. I don't want her to leave! I can't.. how am I supposed to...?"_ Len panicked in his head, although his features looked as if he were solving a Geometry exam on proving.

"Len Tsukimori, you have fan mail here." someone knocked on their door.

He walked over there, still thinking, almost tripping on the folded edge of the carpet and crashing into the large pot of some plant. As he opened the door, there was a guy holding a large sack full of envelopes and folded paper to the point that he couldn't see the mailman's face. But even though that would normally shock anyone else, he noticed the man in the background. He had short hair up to the chin with dark blue and purplish hair.

* * *

"Kaho?" a familiar voice asked from behind her. Etou looked up, and I mean _up_.

Kahoko suddenly felt warmed and when she looked behind her, it was none other than the 6"3' feet tall Ryotaro.

She looked up at him and smiled. Her eyes were still slightly red, but no one could tell in the dark. The problem was, Ryotaro saw through everything.

"Could you take her home, Tsuchiura? I think it would be better that way." Etou asked politely.

"Uh, sure." He said, confused. Hino didn't notice.

"Oh, wait! Etou! How are you going to get home?" Hino asked.

He smirked. "You know me."

Hino looked at him sadly in an apologetic way.

Kiriya didn't want to stay with her any longer because.. because. It's not an answer, but he can't explain it. '_It's a feeling that makes me want to go away from her because I think I'm being too nosy and she probably thinks I'm annoying.. But I feel helpless not doing anything for her. I want to talk to her. I want to understand her. I want to love her and make her feel it in all its purity. Is it possible to understand her fully?'_ Etou thought. He briefly remembered what his late dad told him back then when he was still 6 years old.

"_Why do you like girls so much, Kiriya?" his father asked him._

"_Because they're so different! They're like mommy!" he replied._

"_But you have to learn how to understand a girl to love them. And you have to love them to understand them." He said with a smile._

"…_huh?" _

"_Here, I'll write it down. Don't forget it. Oh! And.. Understanding people isn't hard—"_

"I know, dad.. Understanding people is impossible." He chuckled, looking up at the clear night sky.

* * *

Is it confusing? Sorry about that. I felt a bit morbid and betrayed… Please review. Just one. I want a little encouragement for the next chapter. ahaha


	5. Secrets

The ride with Ryotaro was quite… comfortable and uncomfortable in a way. As she tried to keep up with his long strides, his car looked like the common sedan, but since it was Ryotaro driving, it had some sort of special streak to it, and not just because of the apparent soccer ball with clean shoes sitting in the back seat.

As Hino got into the car with Ryotaro starting the engine, she noticed he had a picture of Manami Mori on the corner of his rear-view mirror, her old accompanist during second year.

"Ryotaro, why do you have Mori's picture on your mirror?" she asked innocently. She felt the pur of the engine and the slight shaking of the car as Ryotaro drove out of the parking lot.

She noticed his blush and how he was taken aback. He stuttered.

"U-um.. Actually, we got t-together after high school." He said, having trouble saying 'together'.

"Really! How'd that happen?" she asked excitedly.

He licked his lips and then pursed them together out of embarrassment and a hint of guilt. "Coincidentally, we joined the same orchestra that was quite underground or low-profile. But she's in two orchestras, a small one and a big one, which is quite high-profile. I only joined a small one because I'm working as a soccer coach back in Seiso."

"Really! Wow that's great! I should visit you sometime! I'd like to see you and Mori together, too. I always knew she had a crush on you." She beamed.

Hino was oblivious to the large frown on his face, the same frown he wore whenever Mizue would try to praise him.

After Ryotaro drove slowly through the traffic, she asked a much more personal question.

"Why Mori, though? What happened to Mizue?"

He seemed slightly surprised by the question. He swallowed and kept his eyes on the road, feeling the air seem to thin as it felt harder for him to breathe. He took note of the street lamps lighting parts of the car, trying hard not to see the lights on Kahoko's features as they passed each one to ease his discomfort. His face seemed to say 'It's now or never'.

"It's a long story.." he said reluctantly, as if he was debating whether he should tell Kahoko or not. Kahoko pouted and glared at him playfully, but he didn't look at her so it faded. She wondered if she struck a chord or stepped on a mine with what she just asked. It's been long since they've seen each other, both being busy and all.

"Why did you choose to be a coach, though? You do know you're competent enough to be someone like Beethoven, right?" she asked to alleviate the tension.

Almost everything Hino asked seemed to surprise him somewhat.

"Well.. to be honest, I still don't know what I want to do." He admitted, glancing at the water slightly lit by the street lamps as they passed an overpass.

"You're my age! Shouldn't you know about this by now? I know it's probably none of my concern but—"

"'None of your concern'? Wow, you sound just like Tsukimori." He half-laughed and half-grunted.

The sudden subject silenced her. Ryotaro mistook that silence as 'waiting for his response'.

"..I know I'm supposed to know what to be now, but.. it pays more, and it's less hard to come up with a song. I haven't really been inspired so I can't go solo. I guess.. whatever puts food on my plate." He said quietly. He lightly stepped on the breaks, stopping at a red light.

Hino pouted her lips in the right direction, "But.. are you having fun with your full-time job?"

"I guess you could say that," he replied. "But then, the small orchestra rarely plays for stuff so it's okay. The students sometimes remind me of old times, and.. yeah. It's good."

Hino watched him. "You don't seem so sure of yourself." She stared at him and wondered if Mori was all that important to him, since she wasn't his inspiration at all.

Ryotaro glanced at her and laughed. "This isn't like you at all!" and smiled at her.

She smiled sadly as she looked down at her skirt. "I guess Len taught me a lot about why a job is a job."

"Do enlighten me, Mrs. Tsukimori." He said, teasing. He tried to see why the red light was taking long, glancing at the clock, it was quarter to nine in the evening, it was already very dark. Hino tried to ignore his little Tsukimori comments.

"He said: jobs are a long time thing.

"_Do you want to live the rest of your life doing something you don't even want to do? Doing things you love while getting paid isn't a job anymore. It's simply something like doing a hobby, or getting paid because you're working hard and you're happy." Said Tsukimori as he was tying Hino's hair in high pigtails, staring at her in the mirror in her bedroom._

_Kahoko watched herself smile. "I guess not~" and looked up at him and felt him kiss her forehead lightly, his hands sliding around her waist from behind, holding her tightly. Kahoko moved slightly forward on her stool to give him space to sit behind her._

"_I remember when I was a kid, I thought of being a chemist." He said, lightly kissing her neck all the way to her shoulder and back again._

_She giggled. "I can't imagine that." He laughed softly with her._

"_I've always wanted to be a nurse. My sister always played doctor with me when we were small." She said, watching his reflection. She stiffened as she realized she was wearing a tube dress, and that she was in her old apartment for college, not in her parent's house._

"_Why are you nervous?" he asked her, smelling her neck. When she didn't reply, he said again, "Did you realize we are alone?" _

_She swallowed and stood up. "I-I'll go and make dinner."_

"_Can I help?" he volunteered, disappointed that she moved away from him._

_Kahoko suddenly thought about Len + Kitchen = Boom._

"_No, you'll just blow it up!" She said playfully, sticking her tongue out and running. He failed to show her his playful glare and so he chased her around the living room, the kitchen then to the bedroom and caught her by the waist and twirled her around. He lost his balance as she tried to jump off and they both fell on the bed with Kahoko on top. They stared at each other and—_

"Kaho?" Ryotaro called, staring at her worriedly, trying to keep his eyes on the road.

"O-oh! What? What'd you say?" she panicked, trying her best to forget the memory that just popped in her head. Her heart felt like it was shattering all over again.

He sighed. "Do you remember what I told you? After the music competition?"

She blushed and immediately looked away from him, watching the different lights outside the car. He kept his eyes on the road as he made a left turn.

Hino felt the goose bumps on her arms and legs. She couldn't control the feeling on her lower back, as if she were being tickled and so she kept sitting up straight. She felt relief wash over her as the road looked familiar. She would get off the car soon and escape from the embarrassment she could feel.

"That's why I didn't want to be with Mizue again. I just.. wanted to tell you what I said. I wanted to go on without regrets. But since I knew you liked Tsukimori, I didn't want to take that happiness away from you, didn't want to hurt you. So I ended up with Mori, better than Mizue. It's just that she seems like the player type. A lot of guys follow her" He sighed.

"Give it a little time. You both play piano, right?" she encouraged, hoping the conversation could change.

"Yeah, but it would've been better if my girlfriend could play lead so I could accompany her. Like us, back then, right?" he chuckled.

He slowed to a stop as they were back at her house.

She smiled sadly. "But we were never together, then."

Ryotaro sighed. "I know."

As Hino got out and waved awkwardly to Ryotaro, she went to call Etou on the phone, only to find that he wasn't home. She left him a message, hoping that she could apologize for snapping at him.

* * *

Len stared at the familiar-looking man in the background. He was in a black suit speaking with 'very important people'.

"Umm, excuse me sir, but your mail.." the mail man shakily reminded.

Len took the bag from him and set it down. "V-very sorry. Thank you." He said, and gave him a tip. (Note, they are in London so Len is speaking in English.)

He gazed at the familiar man with dark blue hair. He noticed that Len was looking at him. Len was weirded out when the guy waved as he left.

"Was that Yunoki-senpai?" he asked himself.

Len informed one of his guards to inform him immediately if he saw Yunoki as he described. He went back in his room and looked at his fan mail. As he bent down to peek, he was amazed since some of the envelopes carried rings just for him. He sat on his bed, picking up some random envelopes and as he skimmed the letters one by one out of boredom and curiosity, he noticed that most of the letters he was able to read included Kahoko.

'_I'm happy for you that Kahoko is your long time girlfriend, but I still want you all to myself… :3'_ he read in a long letter.

'_You and Kahoko are so cute together! I want to see a drama with the both of you in it! Violin Romance~! Kawaiiiiii! =3 love love love!'_

He sighed. He couldn't read these mails anymore. Even though 98% of the letter was about him, the remaining 2% of Kahoko was what affected him most. He didn't want to think about it, he wanted to push it back but he was forced to think about it because it was his break time for more than an hour.

A knock on the door startled him.

"Come in." he said, sitting up properly.

"Mr. Tsukimori? The man you wished to see is here." Said a low voice, the door slightly opening. Len walked toward the door and as he opened it, you could say he was stunned because of the blue-haired man standing just behind the burly guard.

He motioned the guard to leave and started speaking in Japanese.

"Yunoki-senpai, is that you?" he asked.

The man chuckled. "Do I still look that way?" he replied. Len sighed in relief.

"It was almost the same hairstyle when you were a sophomore." He commented.

"To be honest, Tsukimori, I wanted to leave what I used to be so I cut it."

Len smiled a small smile out of politeness as an awkward silence seemed to pass slowly by.

"So," Yunoki started, smiling as if nothing had happened. "How are you and Hino-san?"

Len swallowed. "Would you like to come in first?"

Yunoki looked around the room, there were almost 10 beds and it was only Tsukimori and his parents in here. In between each bed, there were side tables holding lamps or vases that contained flowers.

He doesn't really know how it happened, but after Yunoki said that he owned a business and is a really rich guy who rarely visits his grandmother, suddenly, the whole conversation steered to Len saying everything about Kahoko; most probably because he hasn't been expressing himself without her. It was a 'tradition' of their relationship to only go to each other whenever they were troubled so that they never kept secrets from each other. But that was before he toured with his parents. Something Kahoko never knew was that Len made the decision to leave her partly because of pressure and the desire to be even more successful and…something else he wouldn't reveal. Because they have grown apart, it's awkward to share problems because it seems as if they haven't met, like they were strangers in an arranged marriage.

"But Tsukimori, what do you want me to say?" Azuma asked Len.

What could he say? He's had numerous suitors and one night stands but it was never as fun as just watching Kahoko's expressions, according to him. He realized he hasn't seen her in 4 years, working on his boring business.


	6. Rosana

Kahoko watched Ryotaro leave behind the gates while calling Etou, hearing the ringing over and over again.

"Why isn't he answering his phone?" she asked herself. She felt extremely guilty. She knew Etou wouldn't get offended over something like that. He wasn't easily offended, unlike Len.

_Len…_

She tried to shut everything out, all the memories she tried to forget just minutes before started to crowd in her head. She unnecessarily covered her ears and ran inside the house. Running straight to her room, leaving her shoes a mess, she cried silently as she embraced her pillow. Millions of thoughts ran through her head. She tried her best not to think of Tsukimori so she focused on Ryotaro, Shoko, Shimizu, Etou…

_Kahoko rested her elbow on the table, playing with her food, staring at it with her palm supporting her chin._

"_Aw, you look so down." Said a voice behind her. As she turned around, making sure her skirt didn't go higher, she noticed Etou smiling at her. Instead of smiling back and saying a simple 'hey', she turned around and continued playing with her food._

_He looked as if he said 'oops, I think I did something wrong.." and scratched the back of his neck, biting his lip. He pulled a chair, turned the front to face him and sat down, leaning on what is supposed to be the back rest of the chair, staring at her. He waited for a moment to 'speak at the right time', watching her eye her cellphone every seven seconds. He didn't have to guess to know what she was sad about._

"_How long?" he asked quietly, afraid to look her in the eye, most likely because Kahoko always cried when they talked about this._

_She looked up and blinked a few times, swallowed and said: "Four months."_

_He made a face. "But weren't you supposed to go on vacation with him for the next four months?" _

_She smiled. "Well, I guess his fame's more important now, right? I understand that. I just wish he would talk to me more often." _

_He frowned a bit, and then grinned. "Then let's talk! Forget about him for.. three more months. Come on… Where's your usual smile?"_

She smiled, remembering that event three years ago. There are very few sweet memories of her and Etou, obviously, since Len is her long-time boyfriend—no, her _ex-boyfriend_. 'How did everything turn out this way?' she thought. There were too many memories. Why did he have to bring up a subject on breaking up? He said he didn't mean it, but what if he did? He's currently working with a gorgeous pianist whose got more charm, beauty and talent than she could ever have. Another thing, she was pure blonde, had piercing pinkish-purple eyes and a nice figure. Even though she was 99.9% convinced that Len wouldn't care about her, she made herself believe he would in an effort to get him out of her thoughts.

Because of the high demand, Len and Kahoko once had a photo shoot together. Ten pictures exclusively for the TsukiHino fan club and for a Japanese magazine. Those ten pictures had 'love' written in invisible ink. Kahoko was in a pretty dress as always and Len wore a tuxedo. He held a rose, and they posed in all different angles and styles. One where Len carried her bridal style, where Len embraced her from behind, where Kahoko accepted the rose, another with Kahoko on Len's back (piggyback), and the best one, where both their noses are touching and they're both smiling at each other. No one has ever really seen that side of Len before. Everyone still considered him the Ice King, but 'experts' have said: "_I think the emotion of being in love for Tsukimori or anyone else is unexplainable which might explain his apathy He might be confused but being in love is just a good feeling, knowing you have someone that has made you a much better person when you finally understand it."_

Kahoko realized she was back in Memory Lane and so she shook her head.

"I—I need to play the violin."

The echoes of a ringing cellphone resonated in a wide, deserted alley.

"Don't press anything. Just wait for it to stop." Etou whispered to himself calmly. He looked around at what used to be 'home'. He was a goon, yes a rebel. Emphasis on the '_was'_. He never smoked. He can't remember if he ever took drugs even if he wanted to 'try', he wouldn't because he knew he wasn't an idiot. He did drink, though. Not because he wanted to, or because he thought he was old enough, but because he's been living under bad influences, especially his dad. Ironically enough, his dad was his role model even though he supposedly disgusted him.

He didn't want to remember all the times when his father beat him. It hurt him especially when he would see his mother getting beat up, unable to do anything other than cry. Kahoko was the very first girl to be noticed by Etou in this way. He was a reserved person, even though he didn't seem like it at times. He's quite noisy with the people he's close to. He only felt bad whenever he would see his mother crying, unable to do anything while she was being abused. For some time, the same thing happened to him, only with Hino. Every time he sees her cry, it feels like she's being beaten up, but unlike the times with his mother, he can actually do something about it this time.

He watched the fire dancing in the still air. For an alley, it was quite wide, not very dirty but empty; brick walls on each side, with one trash barrel in front of the brick wall across him, holding the fire. There were torn up campaign fliers on some sides of the brick wall and also missing posters. The only people there other than him were an elderly woman and her 6 month old child sitting beside the trash barrel and right across Kiriya, which was ten feet away. To pass his time, he chatted with the woman and realized that the child she held was her granddaughter. The mother of the baby was kidnapped and was missing for three months. Every day, Etou visited this place to provide food and money for them. They weren't as unhealthy looking as before, most of the time he would visit just to play violin freely. He would tell her stories about Kahoko and places he has seen, and the countless competitions he had won.

"But son, why do you ignore her calls if you are in love with her?" the woman named Rosana, asked.

"I'm afraid." He said easily. It felt like he was talking to his late grandmother.

"Afraid of what, my dear?" she asked, cradling the baby who started crying softly. He shifted uncomfortably, shy to admit.

"I—I don't want to hurt her. If I make her mine now, she'll only hurt because she'll regret the day she said yes, seeing the love of her life, who isn't me, every day of her life."

Her lips made a straight line as if she were in deep thought.

"You shouldn't expect this from me, being inexperienced and all, but isn't love also about making sacrifices for each other? If she's willing to sacrifice it, you'll have to help her go through it."

He looked her as if he didn't understand a single thing she said, even though every word made a new kind of impact on the way he sees love.

Was it true that when you dream of someone in your sleep, it means that person wants to see you? Kahoko hasn't been appearing in his dreams anymore. All that appears is black. What did it mean when you dreamt of black? Len thought as he slowly drifted to consciousness from his sleep.

As soon as he opened his eyes, he closed them again out of sudden brightness. He used his arm to cover his eyes, hoping to rest a little more but the sound of his mother's voice talking to someone on the phone caught his attention.

"Yes, wouldn't it be better to stay at our house? Isn't it nearer to where you work? And we really need someone other than the helpers watching our house. I'm sure Len would appreciate it if you took care of the house he grew up in." she said.

He heard his father chuckle.

"No, no! It's no trouble at all! I'll get them to send a car tomorrow at... say 11am? I know how late you get up." She chuckled. "No more protests, I know you want to sleep in his bed. Ohohoho~ Bye bye. Kahoko!" she said.

Len instantly sat up. Before he could see anything, he felt dizzy from the sudden movement.

"Mother, what did you just do?" he asked, making sure he had a polite tone.

"I invited Kahoko to sleep in our house while we are away. She was really shy about it, teehee." She said. "And good morning, Len."

Len was usually unfazed by anything but this time, his face said everything.

"What's with the face, son? Anything wrong?" his father asked him.

Len covered his face with his hands. "We broke up, father.."

Hamai Misa exchanged looks of confusion and surprise with her husband.

"So that's what happened.." Hamai Misa said.

"But you can still fix it, right? No one really knows yet, right?" his dad asked.

Len just ruffled his head. He didn't know what to do. Fights with Kahoko never went as far as this. He despised his stupidity.

"Yes, I think so, too. Since no one knows, no one will really be trying to hit on her and she wouldn't accept because… well.. Oh look at the time, come on and get ready." She said, dodging her slip of the tongue.

Len had a feeling that Ryotaro and Kazuki already know since he knows they are her closest guy friends. He wondered about Etou. There was not much news about him and he is still on his 1 year vacation from his busy schedules.

He shook his head, 'he's wasting so much time' he thought.

Little did he know, he was making all the progress in the world.

Progress on taking the girl he loved.


	7. Caught

Sorry this is so late! Exam week next week then Christmas Break! If you read Unpredictable (my old fic), you'd know that I usually update once a week. I was really busy, so I'm sorry for the delay. I also had a hard time wondering what would happen next. xD Enjoy!

* * *

Kahoko sat up straight on the chair of her mother's dinner table drinking what seems to be her fourth glass of water. She looked outside and sighed, forcing her eyes closed. Ever since Hamai Misa called, she seemed to have been shaken up. She was so into her violin playing last night, remembering absolutely nothing but her violin, and then suddenly her phone blasted the new pop song Nao told her to listen to and vibrated on the wooden side table, making more sounds. She nearly got off-balanced from fright. She wondered why she had bad luck, or just… why was she being led to Tsukimori even more? Wasn't she supposed to forget him?

It was three in the morning. Kahoko was unable to sleep all night. Her heart pounded and her mind was cluttered with 'whys' and 'what ifs'. She followed Len's instructions on how not to panic, by just sitting straight and drinking water and to think rationally. It was only now she realized that only Len could pull that off. So that she didn't waste her time on trying to sleep or calm herself down since she was still a bit jittery, she packed her clothes. She shakily reached for her glass and took a big gulp and went back to her room.

When Kahoko entered her room, her phone was buzzing on her bed and she checked the message. She was even more shocked because it was from Len, who hasn't texted in… weeks, months?

"_Don't worry about what my mother told you. Just treat it normally."_

She seemed blank for a moment. Even though that was strange, her nervousness lessened almost completely. Why? _He knew she would freak out._ She couldn't help but feel happy that he still cared. He still cared! She smiled and hugged her blanket. A sudden realization flooded her mind. Kahoko always messed things up when she was sad. Len probably didn't want her to make things any worse.. Her happiness died down even more because Etou never answered any of her calls. She drifted to sleep nevertheless, with dried tears from her eyes, remembering the memories that happened in the house she was about to move into.

* * *

Kahoko stared at the house from the gate, ignoring the smirks of the driver that brought her to the Tsukimori residence. She stared at the window of Len's room. She remembered seeing a paper taped there saying 'reserved for Hino Kahoko' as a joke. She giggled a bit and entered the house. She was welcomed as if she owned the house and treated everyone well. It seems all the remaining housekeepers only prepared one sleeping room for Kahoko and it was obviously Len's room.

Everything was cleaned and organized. His picture frames still contained their pictures together since they broke up in different countries via phone. He had about the same amount she had in her own room.

She walked around, smiling slightly, remembering the scent and largeness of the room. The bed, the couch, the coffee table, the TV, the carpet, the study table, the bathroom, the closet… It was already like a Master Bedroom.

She looked through countless drawers in the room and finally found it. The drawer containing all of Kahoko's things she left. Her brush, a pen, a paper with doodles on it and a handkerchief. The handkerchief was missing though. She wondered if he brought it with him on his tour.

She walked around some more, sliding her fingers on his things, his wall. She passed his bed and accidentally kicked something quite heavy. She looked at the unfamiliar book, tucking stray hair behind her ear. She knelt down and picked it up. It was quite dusty but the slightly disguised handprints left on it assured her that Len looked inside it before he left. She stood up and sat on the bed, removing her 4-inch heels. It wasn't a big book but a photo album. The first few pages contained his baby pictures until he was five years old. The next pages contained her baby pictures he duplicated from before complete with her High School photos. She always wondered where those went. She closed the book again and dusted it, checking if there was a title, but she figured it was the brand name since the text was embossed on the cover and it was in German.

She opened it again and went to the last page. There was the picture they had when they had prom. She smiled. The day he asked her to be his prom date was also the time he first kissed her. She thought she'd have to choose Kazuki or Ryotaro but he visited from abroad just for their prom.

Kahoko sighed in contentment and glumness because she knew things won't ever be the same again.

She never felt bored just sitting in his room. Although just sitting there made her feel extremely unproductive so she went to the music room to play her violin. She played until late noon and the maids were nice enough to bring her food to her. She felt really bad for them and apologized for troubling them. All the maids admire Kahoko because she was always very nice, unlike Tsukimori who would never say a simple 'thank you' when his food came to him. Who knows, maybe he was used to being served.

* * *

"Excuse me, is Hino Kahoko here?" Etou asked, panting as Hino's mother made her way to the gate.

"No, dear. She's currently staying in Len's house. His mother invited her there." She said, unsure if he knew about the break-up and also wondering who he was. Her eyesight was becoming bad..

He wiped the sweat off his forehead. He started feeling conscious as his shirt felt slightly wet, wondering if his body odor smelled terrible.

"Th-thanks." He huffed. And was about to break into a run when she asked him a question:

"Who are you? I can't really see you without my contacts, I left them inside." She said, pointing to her eyes.

"Uhmm… I'm Eto." He said reluctantly, and ran off.

People stared at him as he was running towards Len's house, which he had no idea where. He had the file, thanks to Akihiko Kira who is temporarily (sort of permanent) the Principal of Seiso Academy but he never memorized that. He got into a street he found unfamiliar and started to wander. There was no one on the road and he suddenly felt scared. He never really liked being alone in an open place. He felt fine if he was alone in a crowd, but emptiness? He really wouldn't want to go through anything empty again ever since his mom died beside him back in America.

He sat down beside a gate, staring at all the fancy houses. He took out his handkerchief and wiped his sweat. He put his headphones on and decided to take a little baby nap.

* * *

"O-OUCH!" Kahoko yelled as she accidentally hit the side table with her hip. She placed both her hands on the 'affected' area, her head facing the ceiling, resisting the urge to just go 'AAAAGHHHH.'

After some time, she looked out of the window. She was surprised that it was already super dark. But in the distance, she could see a glowing thing.. it seemed like headphones..

_Glowing headphones._

Only one person could be wearing that.

She ran down the steps, telling the housekeepers that she'll go out for a short walk just in front of the house. She ran out and opened the gate, making a screechy noise. She stared at the glowing headphones and came closer, scrutinizing the male body sitting on the floor of the side walk. Experimenting, she clapped five times.

Etou jumped, startled from the sudden noise and fully awake.

"Kahoko?" he said groggily, his voice five times higher than usual.

She couldn't help but laugh. "What happened to your voice?" extending her hand to help him up, but unfortunately he neither sees it nor cared so she retracted it.

He rubbed his eye with his whole palm. "It's always like this when I wake up." He said and checked his watch. He took off his headphones to make the glow expose the time on his watch, 8:23pm. "Crap, I've got work tomorrow."

Hino bent towards him a little, her hands resting on her knees for support. "Work? That's a surprise." She grinned playfully.

He didn't reply and just leaned back on the wall, chilling out. She looked back at Len's house and figured she'd sit beside him on the floor. Her dress wasn't all that short and it was dark, too so nobody would notice, right?

"So you found out, huh?"

He looked at her, then up at the street light a few steps beside them, lighting their area up. Looking back at her with the light, she looked tired and her hair seemed to have grown below her jaw, nevertheless presentable. Kahoko mistook his analysis for a 'guy wanting to kiss her neck' thing since Len seemed to do that a lot.

"Yeah, from your mom. Don't ask, no worries, I didn't tell her I was Kiriya. I just said I'm Eto." He said, snapping out of it.

She laughed aloofly. "But why did you come all the way here and not even call me on the phone? I've been calling you a lot, you haven't been answering.."

He started flicking leaves on the floor. "I don't know what his house looks like." He said accusingly. "And sorry… about that…"

"So, you found me now. What is it you wanted to talk about or something?" she said, looking at his eyes. He couldn't look at her. All he could do was gulp. He pursed his lips together and braced himself for the pretty eyes he'll face. It seemed there was a lump in his throat he couldn't get rid of.

"I still want to know the answer. Who's a better lover, me or him?" he said, trying his best to keep his eyes on hers.

Kahoko's mouth formed a small 'o' and her cheeks flushed red. He anticipated that she'd start blabbing, and she did. All that 'but you're not even my lover—we broke up—there's lots of stuff 'and all the other crap. He waited for her to finish until she tried to change the conversation.

He stood up. Kahoko looked up at him, wondering if she upset him. She got up, using the wall as support and was going to pull on his sleeve to apologize. Instead of him acting like a 'cool and leave-her-feeling-guilty' like what she sees in dramas, he pushed her against the wall, both hands on the parts of the wall beside her face, basically trapping her. He went closer, feeling the slightly wet locks of her hair and its smoothness against his cheek and whispered in her ear:

"Tell me the truth."

She could feel his breath caressing her neck and it tickled her to some extent that she didn't laugh but she felt nervous. She couldn't respond because her heart was pounding so hard she could feel it pulsing throughout her body, as if she ran around seven times around a basketball court.

Etou pulled back to look at her, disappointed she couldn't say anything. He seemed like he was so calm but actually if you paid attention to his hands that used the wall for support, it was shaking. He was so tense.

"You're not saying anything?" he asked her, and she again, didn't respond.

He leaned toward her again, this time, seriously going closer to her. He could feel her hands on his chest, trying to push him away in a lame attempt.

"D-don't.." she said shakily.

"Then push me away." He said, slowly going closer.

When his nose touched hers, she felt his breath on her lips, "This is unfair.." she said, her eyes lowered, staring at his lips, anticipating and mesmerized. Her head lightly fell back, letting him kiss her with all the passion she could feel. Her head rested on the wall, feeling his lips moving on hers. It was strange, what she felt. It was as if her heart was rising, as if she wasn't alive, as if everything were just a dream. She wanted to make sure the person she was kissing was real so her hands that rested on his chest went up to hold his face. He did the same and she stopped, breathing in for air. Etou ran his nose up and down on her jaw.

Etou smiled, realizing what just happened. "Do you know what this means?" he asked her. Pulling back from whatever they were doing.

Kahoko gulped, still stunned by what just happened. "I honestly don't know." She swallowed, her heart practically going crazy in her chest.

There was suddenly a light that blinded the both of them for a moment; following it was a muttered cuss. Etou and Hino's mind thought the same thing: _Oh no._

They looked where the light came from and it was three photographers, two taking pictures, and one taking a video with his DSLR.


	8. All My Fault

'_They caught it. They caught it, they caught it!_

_What happens if he saw it?_'

Kahoko paced around restlessly in Len's room after Etou promised her he would explain everything to the UK press without downgrading any of their names. But the demotion would be inevitable because there is too much evidence. Not just pictures, but a video as well!

She started biting her lips out of utter nervousness and guilt. What if Len found out? What would he think? Or a better question is, what would he **do**?

Kahoko covered her eyes with her hands and lay on Len's bed. How could she not feel guilty? Her ex-boyfriend, whom she apparently still loves, is surrounding her _everywhere_. She's living in his house, sitting on his bed, wearing the worn old shirt he gave her (quite pretty, actually. She made use of the tear by making it look like an off-shoulder top on the left and wearing jean shorts), everything! She's in his _room_ for Pete's sake. Her hands covered her cheeks, to keep her from freaking out anymore and to make sure no tears would fall from her eyes. Suddenly, she was reminded of her mom, who would totally freak out. Then there's Kazuki and Ryotaro, then Nao and Mio, and later Amou, but she forgot Len sort of made her famous-ish.

She gulped and started freaking out. "What if he saw this!" she said, ruffling her hair. She looked outside and saw that Etou and the paparazzi were no longer there.

Thinking of Etou made her touch her lips. She pressed them together and suddenly forgot about her problem.

Well, only for two seconds.

00

Len was not happy.

Not happy.

His eyes were opened so wide in an angry-jealous way and his mouth was open as well. The news was fast. It would most likely be eleven in the evening in Japan since it was 2pm where he was and the footage—no pictures at all, only video—appeared on the 'Breaking News' segment in London, showing some pictures of him and Kahoko's photo shoots.

_Slowly rising violinist Len Tsukimori's girlfriend, Hino Kahoko, was seen with Kiriya Etou, Japanese internationally acclaimed violinist, kissing in front of Len's house in Fukuoka, Japan. Len who is currently in London, working hard for his career must be shocked. Ned interviews Kiriya Etou and Mr. Etou himself explains what really happened after the incident._

_(Etou speaking in fluent English) "Len and Kahoko broke up some time ago. Neither of them seemed to believe that was true and Kahoko has been depressed for days. I was only there to comfort her, and this, well.. I don't know how this happened. I want to apologize to both Kahoko and Len. I'm not trying to bring their names down, so I'm sorry."_

"_But Kiriya, what would you do if Len came back right now?"_ Ned, the interviewer, asked.

Etou paused._ "That's up to him."_ He said with a confident smile.

Len's agent looked at him nervously. Len rarely got angry thanks to Kahoko. His agent didn't even know they broke up either. He didn't know if he was supposed to ask why this happened or if he was going to be strict with the media about this. While he was pondering over what to do, Tsukimori suddenly looked at him and he became uneasy. Even though he was a lot more horrifying than Tsukimori was,—Len was scared of him when he was in 'work mode'—he still was daunting.

"Cancel everything. I'm going back to Japan." He said, and left. Both his parents were also shocked by the news as they just entered the room, watching Len leave.

"_Haha, I think she's probably freaking out right now." _Etou said, before ending the report.

Instead of heading to their bedroom, he looked for the Janitor's Closet. Why did he look for that? He wouldn't want to admit it to anyone, not even Kahoko. Okay, it's pathetic, he's crying. _A guy is crying._ 'How pathetic and weak could that be?' He thought; trying to swallow a lump he could feel in his throat. He pulled on his bangs, clutching it tight. What did he have now? His parents wouldn't allow him to drink in his current condition. He felt his tears streaming down alternately, finding it difficult to breathe. Thinking of Kahoko made him want to think of something else. It hurt too much to think that she _let_ Etou kiss her. It hurt that he wanted to be the only guy she would ever kiss, and now Etou's first kiss with her wasn't just a peck on the lips. It's just now he realized that he loved her so much more than he ever knew. Was it because he was jealous? Why did he distance himself in the first place? Then he remembered his secret and his thoughts silenced.

The reason why it came to this was _his_ fault.

His phone beeped. It was from his agent.

_Len, I've booked a flight for tonight. Better to pack now._

00

"I don't _like_ like Etou," she said to herself. "He's just one of my best friends."

She chanted this to herself over and over again. She realized that the UK Press was actually going to interview Etou on his year long vacation and the news they just discovered was BIG. That didn't make her feel any better at all. She's been watching the news, wondering if it was already out to the people. It seems that the press couldn't have a hold on Tsukimori and that was the only news she was waiting for. Every time other types of news concerning the tensions between North Korea and South Korea, poverty and many others came to her as even bigger than her problem. She wondered why celebrities—who are apparently, also normal people, only more well-known—are always in the news. Why can't we just search for them if we really want to know things? Many people start smoking or all those other thing, but she couldn't argue with that because she wasn't a journalist, or a professional in those types of things.

She couldn't sleep that night.

Who could after what just happened? It may seem easy to forget about it, but that would be someone who didn't care, or had a closed heart. Kahoko didn't have to go down to the Kitchen to get a glass of water since Len had his refrigerator stocked even while he was away. Kahoko dared not to turn on the TV so she just sat on the couch. Her phone buzzed a few times and Kahoko tried ignoring it, thinking it was Len or Etou. Although why would they be calling at three in the morning? Her curiosity soon got the better of her and she answered it without checking the caller ID.

"Hello, who's this?"

"It's me." Came the unusually small voice of Hihara. "Are you alright?"

She sighed. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He chuckled humorlessly. "Sure you are."

Silence passed slowly, neither of them feeling awkward at all.

"I gotta hand it to Etou, though. He beat me." He said, sounding tongue-tied.

"H-huh?"

Hihara let out a nervous laugh. "Oh, Ryotaro's here now. If you're wondering where I am, we're at a café. Mori's here, too. Wish you were here." He said and handed his phone to Ryotaro.

"W-wait. Kazuki!" She yelled it as if Kazuki was saying goodbye to her and she didn't want him to leave, like in those drama movies.

"Kaho? Are you alright?" came Ryotaro's soft voice. He could literally get all her problems out. He always hated it whenever she wouldn't voice out her problems to him so he made a strategy of making himself act a bit fatherly towards her, considering she grew up without one.

Kahoko's tears started to fall and her strangled voice gave her away. "I'm fine!"

Ryotaro laughed. He didn't notice Mori glance at him. "Kaho, you can't hide it, haha!"

"Okay, well let me ask you, what are you doing in a café in the early in the morning, huh?"

Ryotaro scratched the back of his neck, noticing Kazuki play with his food instead of eating it. "Well, we're actually at a café in the airport. Mori's orchestra is going to play in Europe. I'm watching her off with Kazuki."

She giggled. "You probably dragged him there. Where in Europe?"

"No, actually I saw him running around while driving her here so I asked him if he wanted to come."

"Oh, I see. That's just like him, but where in Europe?"

Ryotaro paused. Mori stole the phone from him and yelled "London!" Ryotaro scolded her quietly, giving her the 'look'.

She tried to sound happy. Thinking of London reminded her of Len, someone she wasn't supposed to be thinking about then.

"O-oh, Hi Mori. That's great. Good luck on your performance."

Mori giggled. "Thanks Kahoko! You're such a nice friend."

One of the housekeepers knocked in the room.

"Miss Hino? There's someone who wishes to see you."

"Oh well, sorry Mori, I've got to go. It's strange I have a visitor right now. Have a safe trip." She said, and hung up.

"Would you know who—"

The girl shook her head. "I don't know, he's a tall man with black hair."

_Could it be Akihiko Kira?_

She quickly went downstairs, wondering why on Earth that scary man might be there. But when she peeked from the stairs, it wasn't him. He looked so much like Len.

She went down the front steps. The front steps were so revealing nothing could hide there. She was still wearing her short and sexy attire (the off-shoulder and jean shorts). She noticed the familiar man gape at her, then looked away. She hurried and met the man.

"Excuse me.." she said, trying to look him in the eye. "Uhm.. Y-you're not.. who I think you are.. right?"

The tall man glared at all the maids and butlers in the room, and watched them leave. After they left, the man literally pulled his hair out. The black wig fell off and revealed light blue hair, slightly longer and extremely messy.


	9. Bravery

Kahoko's tears immediately started streaming down her cheeks. Len was here, right now, in front of her; and he didn't look happy to see her at all.

Her tears blurred the vision of his face, the only thing she could see despite the enormity of the living room.

"L-Len…"

He didn't waste time at all, always the straightforward Len. He grabbed her arms and shook her up.

"How could you? How could you do this to me?" he yelled loudly, his voice sounding weird and tears welling up in his eyes. He told himself he wouldn't cry again after that long flight from London and apparently, he lied.

"I'm sorry!"

"Why? Why did you let him?" he yelled again, his grip really tight. He gulped and tried to calm himself down.

"Len, please let go of me! It hurts!" she whimpered.

He reluctantly obeyed, and a split second after he did, she jumped up to embrace him around the neck. He was taken aback and his knees buckled, bringing the both of them to the floor.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know—Why is it like this? I can't… I didn't—I couldn't think! I was… I'm sorry!" she blabbed to him, holding him tight and not letting go no matter how uncomfortable she felt in her position, which was on top of him and she was slightly falling to the side.

Len pushed the both of them up gently, tears still flowing. He figured she would blab again, and she did. He was so happy she hasn't really changed and she was still the girl he loved. He was tempted to hug her back, but he told himself he'd be angry with her. How could he be? So he gave in and pulled her closer to him, smelling her hair then tracing his nose from her ear lobe to her philtrum, the place between her nose and upper lip. He wanted to kiss her; you had no idea how much he wanted to. But how could he when it's been 'tainted'? He never thought anyone else would kiss her but him. Life never asked him what he wanted, and neither did he. He was an organized person, but he couldn't organize everything. He was still human and being human meant that there will always be things to bring you down. It's up to us how we're going to deal with that, and giving up would make your life miserable. Len wasn't about to give this up. He was jealous, he'll admit that. Kahoko was _his_ property. No one else could have her.

Instead of kissing her, he just embraced her, again, smelling her hair. She used his shampoo. He felt flattered and smiled.

"Did you come back because of me?" she asked after a while, shifting her head on her hand to rest on on his chest. She could feel his strong and steady heart beat.

He stroked her hair then paused. Did he really come back for her or did he come to let Etou know that Kahoko's always going to be his? There was a difference between those two statements, he wouldn't admit. "Why do you think I came here, Kahoko?"

"Well, for one, this is your house. You know how I am when I'm.. not happy."

She rose and fell along with his chest as he breathed in and out. His pace quickened a little.

"Did you mess my room up?" he asked, worried.

"No, but I finished all the water.."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I was actually supposed to have a surprise visit for you a month from now and give you those because I know how depressed you get when I'm not around."

Hino frowned. He just sounded annoyingly egotistical. She ignored it _for now._

She sat up and rubbed her eyes. It felt like she could sleep now that her tension with Len seemed to dissipate. She had forgotten about the world and the press so it won't matter until morning.

"Okay, I think I'll go to sleep now." She said, as she stood up.

"Wait."

She paused in mid-step. She wondered why she felt the air lessen and have such a serious ambience. Was it by the way Len had said it? Or was she just overly thinking?

She looked back at him and gave him a questioning look.

"Pull me up." He said with a smile. She laughed all her unnecessary nervousness off and pulled him up. She walked a little faster than he did, so she lead him to the room. They acted as if they had never broken up and seemed to be catching up on 'lost time'.

"I see you're still wearing my old shirt?" he said, touching the sleeve that fell off her shoulder.

"Of course, it looks pretty with these shorts."

"Yes, yes it does." He said slowly. Kahoko tried not to think about the double meaning it gave off as he followed the line of her neck down to her arm. She quickly ran to the room and sat on the couch.

He laughed and asked her, "Why are you on the couch, aren't you going to sleep on my bed?"

He didn't know how terrible that sounded in her head.

"…With you?"

His face looked strangely innocent. He was always in a teasing mood and sometimes would go beyond that but it seemed different this time.

_Why did I distance myself from Kahoko the first time?_

_I think it's because I was scared, scared that she wouldn't like who I truly was, that she would judge me. I guess I didn't realize that it could backfire like this. But I don't know if I can.. how do you say this? I don't know if I can commit myself fully to her as a boyfriend, or maybe even more than that like how everyone else would like to expect. I guess I'm afraid that things will go wrong, and I guess even though I told myself not to make any decisions and just follow my work schedule, doing that was also a decision. And my work schedules are much more hectic than I thought. I guess I thought I was keeping everything under control, like time stopped. I'm not a god, but it's hard for me not to think that way sometimes. Have I become really big-headed? No one has really told me.._

Len scribbled on his notebook as Kahoko slept beside him. The time difference was nine hours so he didn't really feel tired at all. Everything was temporarily alright before he faced Etou and the press.

Thinking of Etou made him uncomfortable. They used to be good friends until Etou moved to America. He became arrogant then, as if Len himself wasn't.

_Kahoko, how do I really feel about you? _He scribbled on the last line. _What sort of feeling is this?_

She moved slightly, her hair falling on her face. He smiled at her and combed her hair back gently. As he did so, he was tempted yet again to kiss her. He stopped himself because one, they were on a bed. He lost his control once already and two, it's… it's just not right. Why wasn't it right, he didn't know.

* * *

"I really hate that guy. I never liked him since." Ryotaro muttered, thinking about Etou. He noticed from the corner of his eye that a soccer ball was hurtling towards his face.

"Heads up, Coach!" yelled one of his students. The ball didn't hit Ryotaro, however. His reflexes were too fast so the ball hit and fit right in his left hand.

"I'm so far off from the field. How did the ball manage to get…" he said, putting the ball slowly on the floor and prolonging 'get', "all the way here?"

The students that ran to him gulped. Coach Tsuchiura never liked it when the ball was kicked away from the field.

"How many times have I told you that the ball shouldn't be kicked far here?" he asked accusingly.

Here came the student's complaints and blames on other people, how it was the other's fault and not theirs. The quiet kid however, spoke up. "Sorry, we'll fix that problem, Coach."

He stared at the tall, gray-haired kid, then at his teammates. "Is he the only one worthy of being the captain here?" he asked, then laughed and ruffled the quiet kid's hair.

"Haha, good job. We'll do more footwork tod—" Ryotaro paused, staring at the all-too familiar short haired red-head entering the premises. "—footwork next meeting. Early dismissal."

He ignored all the cheers and shouts about the underground soiree then the quick shushes. He walked faster towards her, as if he found his long lost girlfriend that he thought died a year ago.

He started to run and he called out her name.

"Kaho!" he said with a smile on his face.

"Ryotaro! Hey! I was looking for you." She said with a sweet smile.

"So you came over to tell me your problem with Tsukimori?" he asked, hiding the joy of being inside his office, which was much warmer than the slightly snowy outdoors and sipping his coffee leisurely.

"Y-yeah. I figured.. It'd be better to tell you about this." She giggled nervously. Ryotaro hid his smug smile as he drank coffee. As much as he wouldn't admit it, he kept a cornucopia of different images of her in his head. He sometimes wonders how he even said yes to Mori in becoming her boyfriend. It was just like back then with Mizue..

He snapped back to reality, wanting none of those memories to come back.

"So he's here?" he asked.

She shifted uncomfortably in the seat across his desk, filled with paperwork and folders filled with even more paper. There was also a picture frame, though she didn't know if it contained Mori's picture or his family's. "Yeah. He really surprised me." She said, making an effort to smile but only coming up with a smirk.

He frowned. Better not to tell her who ran things around in Seiso Academy. He noticed he didn't get her anything to drink and panicked.

"Ah, sorry! I didn't get you a drink! Umm, would you like tea? Or—"

"No, it's okay! I can get it myself. Um, where do you get it?"

He hesitated and thought through his answer. "Go through the hallway to the left of here. Keep going until you see a Vending Machine."

She nodded and smiled.

"Don't peek in the other rooms! The old practice rooms are sometimes used for storage and offices for other faculty members." He yelled as she walked out the door.

"I wonder why Ryotaro's a bit on edge today. Is he hiding something from me?" she muttered as she walked through the hallway, precisely following his directions. Her heels were the only noises she could hear since it was about time the high schoolers would be dismissed from school and supposedly the time she would be starting her shift at work, if there _was_ work today since Christmas day is near. Strangely enough, the snow wasn't present. Better, since it was cold enough as it was. Her black pantyhose absorbed the cold, so she started feeling it on her legs. She was highly susceptible to the cold, she never really got used to it which was why summer and spring were her most favorite seasons.

She found the vending machine, yay! She wanted to get something hot, since she wasn't wearing any gloves and her hands were shaking. Soon enough her legs would buckle from the cold. She picked a bottle of hot tea that seemed to be the least popular, seeing as only (supposedly) one teacher drank. She imagined him to be geeky-looking and with glasses on. Not that geeky looks were turn-offs, it looked actually quite attractive.

She picked up the bottle and rested it on the coldest parts of her body, especially her hands. There were many doors on the way to this vending machine and Ryotaro was right, there were rooms used as storage and as offices. There was one door nearest to her that seemed different, though. Like it was special. She inflated her cheeks and then blew the air out.

"Just a peek…wouldn't hurt…" she said, tip-toeing to the door. As she pushed it in, she heard a scary voice.

"What the hell did I just tell you guys?" he said. She heard footsteps after that and she suddenly said 'Sorry!' and closed the door, slowly making her escape.

The door opened, so she broke into a run when the voice became softer. "Ah, wait!"

Kahoko hurriedly entered Ryotaro's office.

"Whoa, what's with you?" he asked, watching her as she panted.

She gulped. "Uhm, I sort of looked inside one of the nearest doors—"

"Oh no.. You saw him?" he asked, disappointed.

"No! I ran, haha. His voice was scary. Who was he anyway?"

Ryotaro made a face. "What? You should know that better than anyone."

Kahoko cocked her head to the side.

Ryotaro gave small hints with cute hand movements. "You know, special door…"

Tsuchiura got annoyed at her denseness. "You kissed him yesterday."

There she understood. "Kiriya Etou?"

He made another annoyed face. "Didn't he tell you he worked at Seiso as the temporary assistant principal?"

Then she remembered. It was that sort of moment where you'd go: "Ohh, right!"

She thought a bit deeply at first while he studied her face. "Was that why you didn't want me looking through the rooms?" she asked, looking touched.

He didn't know how to reply so he just nodded.

She smiled and moved closer to Ryotaro to give him a hug. "You're such a great friend, Ryotaro." She said as she embraced him, unable to reach all the way up to his neck. "Thank you for always being there for me, but I can't keep hiding behind you or my other friends. I love you!" she said cheerfully and waved goodbye, going back to the vending machine.

He swallowed. _Has she gone nuts?_

_Have I gone nuts?_ Kahoko thought. _I'm going to see Etou, someone I really shouldn't be seeing. Why? Why at all? I'm just going to make situations worse! But I don't want him to think I'm angry at him for kissing me. Heck, I even kissed him back. But… _

She, again, hearing only the sounds of her footsteps.

"I can't run away again." She said to herself, remembering how she ran away every single time a problem would arise.


	10. This is it

She strode confidently to the office of Kiriya Etou. She was really nuts, wasn't she?

It didn't take long for her to run back and hide after hearing some students walking with a teacher, asking for extra points in their grades. Cowardly, she left the school. She almost returned to her house, remembering that her temporary house was with Len.

"I'm back." She said, not sounding as cheerful as she would have sounded. She was that much of a coward, huh? She smiled disdainfully at herself as she passed by a mirror, staring back at a neat-looking Kahoko. She could tell that girl she stared back at was as haggard as someone who was lost and was deprived of finding whatever she set out to look for. Her eyes gave it away. She snapped out of it after hearing footsteps coming down the stairs.

"You're here." Len said, wiping his hair with a towel. Kahoko wasn't even sad anymore after seeing him. Strangely enough, her heart seemed like it was sinking down lower since she didn't see Etou, nor recognized his voice at all. Was she in love with two people? As impossible as that may sound, _yes she was_. She secretly groaned in frustration. She was tired of love triangles, or was it because she's been watching this new drama on TV? She better lay off on those and focus on her own drama for now.

Why again was she staring at Len? Right, because he was half-naked.

…

Yeah,_ that's_ not going to get her.

"Len, where's your shirt?" she asked, looking to and from his chest to his face.

He smirked. "Knew you'd get distracted." And ran back up.

She shook her head, staring at him as if saying 'What an idiot.'

She made her way upstairs as well, wondering how on earth she would sleep tonight. For one thing, Len might sleep beside her again tonight, and she couldn't always hide things from him easily. She wanted to see Etou, to make sure that he knew she wasn't mad at him for kissing her. She figured since Len was here, Etou couldn't spend time with her anymore, nor could she see him consistently.

She passed by Len's cellphone which was buzzing on the table in front of the Tsukimori family mural by hallway leading to the rooms. It was a message from his agent.

"That doesn't sound good.." she muttered and checked the message as she usually did before.

_Are you done with your girlfriend yet? You won't be forgiven if you don't go to the meeting tonight._

Kahoko barely understood anything since it was in English, but she understood very well the word 'meeting'. She was extremely disappointed. If a guy really wanted to apologize and keep the girl, wouldn't he have stayed longer? What kind of a guy would apologize then leave her so soon? She thought he would make the effort to stay at least for two weeks, not two days.

She kept the message and put the phone down, rolling her eyes. She went in Tsukimori's room to pack.

She picked up her clothes that she laid out on the bed, then collected her toiletries. Len couldn't help but look at her questioningly.

"What are you doing? What are you packing?" he asked gently, picking up his jacket from the couch.

She didn't respond. She realized he might actually ditch that text and stay. She jumped to a conclusion way too fast. She's got to wait for him to see it.

"Packing? No, I'm not packing! I'm just.. making sure I brought everything." She lied.

He smiled at her as he wore his jacket. "Oh, have you seen my phone?"

She stiffened. "U-um, can you look for it yourself first, please?" she said, prolonging the please as if it had two syllables.

She made herself act like she was doing something as he left the room. If he ditched it, she had a feeling something good might happen tonight.

She was startled to hear his footsteps coming in the room so she stood up and pointed at one of her beauty products as if she was counting them. She looked up at him. "Did you find it?" she asked innocently.

He raised the phone victoriously and started reading the message silently.

She eyed him as he threw it on the couch and rushed to his bathroom.

That's not a good sign. He's probably packing secretly inside since he kept his travel bag there.

If she wanted a real answer, she had to go ask. There went an inaccurate (well, usually) saying that 'It never hurt to ask'.

She knocked on the door.

"Len?"

No response.

"I hope you're not hiding anything from me.."

Rustles.

"It's Christmas Eve, Len. Our relationship's not going to get any better if you leave now." She said almost pleadingly. There was a glint of hope in her heart thinking that if he left, she would be able to meet with Etou. She convinced herself that wasn't true and tried to bind a very strong feeling, as if it were too strong for handcuffs and chains.

He hesitated. "You saw it, didn't you?"

She didn't respond.

"I have to go, Kahoko. You know I'm not very independent these days. You understand that, right?"

She sighed in frustration. "I don't, Len. Not anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

She sighed again."It's… it's just..! Ugh! Everything's about you, you, you now. Success is all in your head and I don't think I'm good enough to compete with your goal, Len. It's hard! I'm tired of it. I don't want to keep fighting.." she said, leaning her hand on the door just like that time when she convinced Len that his performances were not meaningless, that day when he was locked in the closet.

"So you think I'm choosing my job over you? Why do I hear that everywhere?"

"Because you are." She said sadly.

Len opened the door slowly and looked at her. She was right, she looked exhausted not in her looks but something beyond that. He sighed through his nose and patted her on the head. "S-sorry.."

* * *

_I didn't even watch him leave incognito on the airplane. I watched him leave the house then packed my things. It was the middle of the night; it's dangerous but why care? He's leaving me anyway. No wait, he's left. And it's for real this time. He won't give a damn about me wandering the street at night, getting a cut, or anything anymore. Would you call this an indirect break-up? It does feel like one. My tears won't come out, I'm pretty sure they haven't even dried out. I feel so.. dead. It's strange, not having Len around. I've been used to it for a long time but it's different now… he's really gone. I'm rejected. My eye bags feel like they're dangling._

Kahoko kept walking, lost in her negative thoughts. She wasn't used to this different feeling. It's like Tsukimori's permanently left her heart. It was completely nothing like the break-up they went through on the phone. She snapped out of her emo thoughts after hearing someone call her.

She couldn't see clearly but there were two guys walking up to her; a guy with a beanie and another with a pink highlight.

"Hey, cutie! Why are you so gloomy, huh?" 'Beanie' asked.

She was dumbstruck and just gaping at them, not knowing how to respond. She smiled awkwardly and bowed in respect.

The two guys looked at each other and chuckled, bowing all the same.

"Do you need some company, lady?" 'Pinky' asked.

"N-no. I-I'm fine." She said, walking along.

One of them pulled on her shirt. "Come on.. We won't hurt you! We'll just go hang out!"

She tried to break free and say no politely but then Pinky went up close, way too close for her comfort.

"Hey, you're Tsukimori's chick! You broke up, right? Thought you guys were getting married." He said, staring at her neck, then her jaw.

"That's Tsukimori's chick? Whoa! Hey, you think it'll be alright if—"

"Please move, I want to go home." She interrupted him and tried to move since Pinky started touching her neck.

"Hey! Come on, get back here!" they said and caught up with her. They surprised her by binding her and holding her to the wall. Kahoko realized now what they were trying to do! She didn't know Aikido or Judo or any martial art for that matter! What is she going to do now?

"S-stop! Get away!" she yelled, but Beanie covered her mouth with his hand and placed his lips on top, as if he was already kissing her.

"Better keep quiet, Ms. Hino." He said.

None of them were able to hurt her, thanks to some guy that just kicked Pinky in the head with so much force that he fell to the ground.

"F—WHAT THE—"

Beanie put up a fight and threw punches but the guy dodged everything. Beanie tried to throw another punch but got kicked in the stomach then the chest followed by a blow to his jaw, making him cough and fall on his butt. The man that saved Kahoko suddenly pulled her and ran for it. Kahoko was in shock and didn't realize what just happened. She tried looking back and those guys didn't follow.

"Th-thank you! Thank you so, so much!" she said as they ran.

That guy let go of her arm and led her to her school, the juku for violin lessons. It was much brighter there and she didn't have to think about who that man was when she saw him rest on his motorcycle.

"Etou?"

* * *

He smiled at her, wiping his forehead with a small towel.

"How did you find me?" she asked.

"Well, I wanted to visit you. I saw two guys with you and I thought it was probably Kazuki and some other guy with gay highlights but, no~ They were rapists!" he said, his tone getting angrier.

Kahoko became quiet.

"How can you be so stupid to walk alone and especially at night! Do you think Len would like it?"

"..I don't care about what Len thinks." She said indifferently.

"…Do you think I would like it?" he said after that, his tone getting softer.

"Kahoko, I kissed you! I love you, okay? It's been so long, and I have the chance to tell you now." He said, looking at her as she leaned on someone's car. He walked up to her and held her face with his hands, his forehead leaning on hers. "Don't get yourself wrecked because he ruined you, alright? I'm still here." He said, holding her gaze. Her tears suddenly poured out and she embraced him, crying on his jacket. He smiled and hugged her back.

"Well, does this bring back memories or what.." he said as he looked up at the sky.

"_Kiriya, when a girl's crying, you gotta hold her! No matter how much she thrashes and pushes you away, be her support! You've got no other chance than that ma'boy! " said his father._

"_But dad, I don't want to make a girl cry! Mommy said I'll go to jail and I'll get spanked for sure!" Etou said with fear in his voice. _

_He felt his father massage his arm. "Kiriya, it's not just you that's going to hurt a girl. Just be there for her. I know so."_

"_But dad, you're not there for mom. She's sleeping inside a glass case! Did you see her face? She looks like she's crying!"_

_His father smiled sadly. "I can't hold her anymore, son. She's in someone else's hands now.."_

"Hey, Etou?" Kahoko said after a while.

Etou pulled back to look at her face, wiping her tears away and trying to forget a memory.

"Thanks." She smiled.


	11. Desperate

New Year was still gloomy for Kahoko. Everything was made clear to the press, and even for her.

"We don't understand one of our differences. Until each of us realize what should be realized, we'll be perfect for each other." He said during a news interview.

Even though it sounded as though he still gave her a chance, it didn't make her feel any better. All he had to realize was that work isn't everything, and what she had to realize was.. to let him have his way sometimes? Every time she thought about it, either Mio, Nao, Ryotaro or Etou would tell her not to think about it anymore, even though she tried to hide her problem, they could somehow see through her. A contradiction to that statement, though, is that everyone seems to believe that Kahoko and Etou are dating, where Etou is supposedly the reason Len and Kahoko broke up. Etou still had millions and millions of fans around the world because he was loved not only for his skill and looks, but how charismatic he is during Talk Shows. Most people find him funny and just plainly cute. In this case though, he lost few fans due to the Kahoko-Len controversy. Some fans of Tsukimori have criticized Kahoko but surprisingly, Len defended her strongly, Etou did the same.

"Shimizu-ku—"

"I told you already, Kaho-senpai. Just call me Keiichi, I'm not a kid anymore, and my sister might think you're calling _her_ Shimizu-kun."

"Why is that?" she asked her _kouhai_, junior, (who is almost as tall as Ryotaro) as they strolled along the park, meeting only seconds ago and reminiscing on all the time they had left behind.

"W-well.." he stammered, suddenly looking away from her. Kahoko wasn't that dumb enough to know that it was about her in a way.

"She-she just wants you to be a good friend of mine." He said carefully. She wanted to tease him a bit.

"But we are good friends, aren't we?"

He gulped. "No, more—I mean, just forget it." He said, blushing a lot.

She giggled. "Keiichi, you are so cuuute~!" and ruffled his hair, having to tiptoe to reach his blonde locks. He seemed to gape then swallow before looking away, flustered.

"Kaho-chan~!" a girl yelled, jumping out of the bushes.

Kahoko got a big chill in her spine, jumping on Keiichi and hanging on to his shoulders out of utter shock. Keiichi, also out of utter shock, tried to carry her. He didn't exactly know how to so his hands supported her rear.

"Ohoho!" Tomomi, Keiichi's older sister, snickered with her hand over her mouth as she watched Keiichi blush and put Kahoko carefully back on the ground.

"S-sorry, Kaho-senpai.." he said, bowing his head slightly.

"I-it's fine.." she said, pushing his forehead so that he didn't bow anymore. She couldn't look at him directly because her butt was just touched by innocent Shimizu Keiichi.

"Anyway.. Tomomi-san! Do you already have the clothes ready?" Kahoko asked, as if whatever happened previously never took place.

Tomomi grinned. "Yes! It's going to look SO fabulous on you!" and handed her a paper bag containing the dress Tomomi wanted to give her.

"Thank you so much, Tomomi, Keiichi." She said, giving her best smile. That smile quickly disappeared however as someone just lifted her fireman style and dragging her somewhere.

"Etou—Put me down!"

"What do you think you're doing, really?" she asked after they were out of sight in the park she and Keiichi were just strolling at.

"Stealing you." He replied.

She sighed and just remained there, being carried away. If she resisted, he would surely punish her and it would attract attention, thus embarrassing herself. She couldn't see where Etou was headed, because all she could see were his clothes. All she could see, all she could _smell_.

After a while, he finally set her down in front of her school.

"Why did you bring me here again?" she asked him.

"Stupid." He said bluntly. "You have work."

She didn't even have time to react when he handed her his violin case.

"Just use mine. Two of your students are waiting for you already."

She stared at him with sweet gratitude. "Th—"

"Ugh, don't look at me like that, makes me sick." he said looking away and pushed her.

As Kahoko taught her class (it was February) she wondered why Etou has been acting differently. When she and Len were still.. well, it hurt to think about it but when she and Len were still together, he was so gentle, as if he would be there for her with those caring eyes. Was it because he wasn't at his best, was he putting up a mask to hide his problems during the times when he courted her for the last fifteen years? Why was he being mean?

"Okay, class! Some of you are looking pretty tired, would you like to take a break?"

Her students lamely replied 'Yeess.'

Instead of saying 'Go then!' cheerfully like usual, she just went to the mini-office by the wall where her fellow female teacher was sipping tea, looking innocent and nerdy as always.

"Hey Tamami-san, no work yet?" Kahoko asked, approaching the person she was least close to at work.

"Oh, Hino. I'm just checking if there are umm.. oh, right." She quickly turned to the next page, hiding the previous one she was looking at.

"What was that?" Hino asked and turned the page back. Tamami tried to pull it away, but Hino froze and that was enough to assure her that she saw the entire pages only about Len and Kahoko about their break-up.

"I-I'm so sorry.."

Hino smiled. "It's okay. I'm getting over it." She lied.

Kahoko sat down on the chair across her. Tamami studied her face.

"You look really sad, you know."

"You know why."

Silence passed slowly. Apparently a minute just passed. After two more, she was going to teach her class again.

"..Do you need help?" Tamami asked.

Kahoko's eyes lit up.

"I mean, I had a lot of boyfriends before. Uh.. well.. actually more like.. I was sold to men before."

Kahoko's jaw dropped. "What?"

"I know! It's completely off-topic! But there's one guy who sort of 'bought' me because he felt sorry for me. I was young back then and I saw him as my hero. He was actually 15 years old than me, twenty-three years old."

"Oh my—So you were only eight at the time?"

Tamami smiled. "I don't know if I really fell for him but he always took care of me, het got seriously mad sometimes but never hit me. He just basically made me a maid so that no one else would come for me anymore. He never wanted me though."

Kahoko blinked. "I realize how self-centered I've been now. I mean, I've only been thinking how much worse my love-life could get and now you've been through even worse."

"Well, that isn't really what I wanted to help you 'realize' though. I mean, there are two guys visibly courting you now. Etou and Len. Len still loves you, duh. He's just giving things time. What's up with Etou though?"

Kahoko had to think if she should trust Tamami. Why should she? They weren't close. But not doing so would not make them any closer. She is her colleague after all, and she even told her about her past which is something that would take you great courage and trust to tell someone else. So why not?

She explained how Etou had been distancing himself from her and acting less nice to her. Tamami was weirded out by this.

"Kahoko, I think it's weird for Etou to be as nice as you say. He's always been blunt and weird. As if he's a prodigy and says all different things than 'normal' people. He's… he's actually like Tsukimori Len. Almost an Ice King."

"Now that you say it, yeah. They are similar in so many ways, not just talent. And true, Etou was never really that nice.. Why do I find it so weird?"

Tamami smirked. "Based on my experience, it's probably his hormones. You are a pretty girl, you know?"

Kahoko dodged that compliment and complimented her back. "Any other ideas?"

"Ms. Hino~ Can you teach me this part?" asked a little boy, referring to Tzigane, a Ravel piece. She stiffened, looking at the score. Len played this during the third selection and also taught her this very piece. She shrugged off her worries and smiled sweetly.

"Yes, sweetheart." She looked back at Tamami and gave her a look that said 'I'm sorry, I'll get back to you later.'

"Ask him out." She said, as she watched the little boy drag a stunned Kahoko away.

It was already seven-thirty in the evening and Kahoko was packing up. Tamami left early with her other three co-workers and so she was alone once again with the gay Coco (Marco).

"You're locking up again, Coco?" Kahoko asked. Coco had been locking up ever since. He always stayed late.

"Yes. Again."

"Are you expecting visitors? Drinking with the guys? ..Or girls?" she asked as she put on her coat, surveying the originally-dance-room-but-is-also-used-as-a-music-room.

"Oh, naughty you! How'd you know that?"

She blinked. "I didn't."

"Well, if you must know.. No wait." He thought for a moment. "It's better you don't know."

Kahoko smiled. "Hmm, glad to know."

As Kahoko made her way down the steps, she paused at the turnabout of the stairs and just inhaled the fresh air, stressed. When she was about to turn and go down the steps, her paperbag—containing the dress Tomomi designed—fell on a bench where someone was apparently sleeping.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" she yelled down to him and rushed down the steps, making sure her heels wouldn't make her trip. As she made her way to the bench, it was Kazuki.

"Kazuki! What, why are you sleeping in a place like this?"

He chuckled nervously. "Actually, I wanted to pick you up from work. I haven't done that in such a long time."

Kahoko smiled. "Aww, you're so sweet!" she said and hugged him. Kazuki sighed, knowing he was no longer able to capture her heart. How could he compete with two successful violinist who are both famous around the world? And why him at all when there is still Ryotaro? All the hope he built up was shattered. But he didn't care. Even though it hurt, like owning a pet that loves your friends more than you, he still wanted to care for her like how a best friend should.

"So, let's go?"

As they both made their way to Kahoko's car, Kazuki got really pissed off. For one, a certain disrespectful person he had met last year was there waiting by her car.

"Etou?" Kahoko called out. She looked back and watched Kazuki sit in front of another car, as if to wait and look menacing. His plan to look that way failed miserably as the alarm of the car started to sound as he jumped and looked around for the owner, ran and hid somewhere.

Kahoko made an 'ooh' face, as if she watched someone run into a pole.

Etou walked toward her with his hands in his pockets and his headphones on his ears.

"What are you doing here?" Kahoko asked him, pursing her lips.

He glanced in Kazuki's direction. "I.. wanted to steal you."

"Steal me?"

"Yeah, I mean. I went here much earlier but I overheard something."

Kahoko froze. "Oh my—What did you hear?"

"Hmm.. there were two.. First was with a girl called.. Tami?"

She gasped. "Tamami?"

He smiled awkwardly. "I'm waiting for you to ask that question."

"_Ask him out." Tamami said._

Hino couldn't do it. There were too much memories of she and Len together, and to make it worse, she still loved him.

Etou noticed her hesitation and he held her long sleeves, his hands only three centimeters away from hers.

"Please, go out with me."

She hesitated again.

"I won't ask you for anything more. I'll kiss you, but that's it. I'll bring you to all the countries you've never been to, places Len never brought you to. I'm going to be good, give you everything he never did. Please, just.." Etou slumped lower and leaned on her, his forehead touching hers. He swallowed and whispered again: "_Please."_

Kahoko had no choice but to look in his eyes. She could see he was desperately holding on to something that was most likely to fade away. She felt like she was a ghost no one else could hold on to but Len.

She bit her lip. She felt herself shaking and felt as if Etou could hear her heartbeat.

"G-give me some time.."

At the most HELPFUL of times, someone took the courage to break this moment and clear his throat.

He didn't like this. At all. He actually preferred Len to be her boyfriend again. He didn't like Etou courting her, nor did he like him at first sight.

Kahoko and Etou separated as soon as they heard the out of place 'ahem'.

He watched her drive away, still answerless, and on the verge of breaking. He wasn't even able to tell her why he's been acting differently.


	12. I Didn't Know

"I'm really sorry for interrupting your conversation. It wasn't like me at all to do this—" Kazuki started as his guilt started to eat him up in the leisure silence in the car. He drove for Kahoko this time, noticing that her fingers were already shaking from too much violin.

"No, Kazuki!" She cut in. "I think it's quite good that you um.." Kahoko paused, thinking of a better word to make it less negative. "Intruded? No, no.. Ah, interjected! It's good that you interjected." She said enthusiastically, although her enthusiasm convinced him otherwise.

"You sound like you're lying, Kahoko. Give me a good reason why I did." He said, slumping and watching the red light.

"Umm.. The paparazzi..?"

"Oh, right." He brightened up. He wasn't much like his usual cheery self, no thanks to Kiriya Etou. He had changed over the years. Life had not been treating him well—when Azuma became a big-shot entrepreneur-CEO, they did not keep in contact even though Kazuki would talk about him whenever a flute would be connected in a conversation.

That silenced the both of them, not knowing what to talk about. The silence almost felt awkward, which was strange because the two have been very good friends for a long time. Hihara thought that it was made awkward because he had feelings for her, although she hadn't realized it before, it seemed pretty obvious now but somehow, the old Kahoko was slowly returning: the frustratingly slow Kahoko.

"Oh, I'm not going to sleep in my mom's house tonight. I'm staying at my old apartment." Kahoko said as they entered the familiar road to her mother's house.

"Didn't you abandon that one…two years ago?"

She pouted slightly. "I think I'll just rent it? Besides, Len bought that house for me, remember? So it's mine, I guess. Your house is just a few blocks away. You'll run again." She giggled. "Just like old times, right?"

* * *

Kahoko knocked on the gate of the apartment entrance. Thanks to her heels, she could see above the sharp gate and noticed how the roads looked more like streets and how the houses look more organized. It looks much more like a mini-village apartment now.

"Yes, may I help you?" an old lady asked, peeking from the gate's door.

"Mrs. Sudo? It's me, Hino Kahoko."

The seemingly closed eyes of Mrs. Sudo popped open and she literally screamed.

"OOHH, IT'S YOU, DARLING!" she yelled, oblivious to the peeking people from one of the apartments. Mrs. Sudo grabbed her by the forearms, having to stretch up to look at her closely.

"Where's your Lennie?" she asked, noticing that Kahoko was alone, and that she parked her car on the place where the sign 'VIP ONLY' stood, which was the parking spot Len liked. Obviously, Mrs. Sudo hadn't been watching the news. Kahoko's silence was enough assurance that there was something wrong.

"Nevermind.. Come on, your key's right over there. Go ahead."

* * *

Kahoko had to walk for a while longer, getting lost because of the new layout of the place.

"42..42.. where's number fourty-two..?" she muttered to herself. A voice, most probably in her head, went 'psst. It's at the next block.'

She paused momentarily. Her mind could not have said that. It should not have said that because she does not know where the place is. It had been for too long.

She slowly looked behind her and jumped out of fright.

"Did I scare you?" came Etou's chuckling voice.

"Y—you…! You stalker!" she whispered, trying to yell. She marched off in the direction of her old house. As she stomped off, she couldn't help it but her tears started to form in her eyes. That very apartment has way too many memories of her and Len. And if Etou stepped inside, it would be as if he had entered a secret part in her heart. If her heart was that house, he could become home. She was scared that would happen. Etou can just leave her anytime just like Len since he was an even bigger musician. He takes part in rock ballad songs sometimes, and especially plays. She didn't want him to leave her for months. Who would want that? For your boyfriend to leave you alone and go off to meet stars and girls prettier than you are.

"Kahoko! Wait, a second!" Etou called, running towards her and held her arm firmly.

She looked up first before turning, blinking her tears gone without it streaming down. When she turned, Etou had a serious look on his face.

"You better pack up. We're leaving tomorrow."

Her face seemed to spell out 'W-what?' "We? Leaving?"

"I'm resuming my tours again. From Japan, then Korea, Beijing, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Macau, Spain and probably somewhere else in South Asia." He said.

Her jaw dropped. "You're bringing me along?"

He smiled. "I told you. I'll give you everything he never gave you. Just think about it." He said with confidence, walking up to her house.

"Wait, wait! I-I need to use the key.." she yelled suddenly. She didn't want him to enter first. She felt nervous. What if there were traces of Len still in there? What if.. what if.. !

He motioned her to go first. As she unlocked the door, she looked back at him unsurely and when she peeked in, everything was clean unlike the last time she left it.

The light plank floor was clean and polished, the rug near the left side of the door wasn't dusty, and neither were the blue green couches that were sitting across each other on top of the rug with Indian designs.. The coffee table held well-maintained flowers with the vase Haruki (Kazuki's elder brother) gave her for Christmas one time. It was a smaller apartment compared to her mother's house. As you enter the house, there are the couches and the rug to the left with the coffee table in between, then the stairs on the further right with something that looks like a red carpet covering the steps until the small hallway leading to the room upstairs, and lastly the kitchen in the farther right of the living room, right beside the stairs. The walls were a dark greenish color with a hint of cream with paintings and pictures that were hung in all the perfect places, making boring spots look better. Only one of the framed things on the wall was a picture of Hino's family. All the rest were paintings of the ocean or rivers and everything else was her and Tsukimori.

Etou could notice how distracted she was while he looked at things. Was she conscious of showing her past to him? He was quite alright with it actually. He had gotten used to it in the previous years and instead of being somber and thinking about how he shouldn't be there, he was daydreaming of Kahoko on his lap as he held her, both looking at the numerous pictures of the both of them not just on the walls but in their own album. He was getting a bit obsessed with the idea.

Kahoko set her things down on the rug by the coffee table and told Etou to make himself comfortable. She went in the kitchen and got him some water and surprisingly enough, the chocolates she left in the basket from before were refilled. She never liked Ferrero Rocher chocolates. She preferred Samba, no matter how many times her friends—no, _everyone_ would say it tasted like crap.

As she made her way up the stairs, she paused.

"Let me get this straight," she said, trying not to sound accusing. "Are you supposedly bribing me to become your girlfriend with traveling and everything else?"

Etou looked at her incredulously. "Do you think I'm a jerk? Idiot Kahoko. I'm bringing you along with me to my concerts. Tsukimori never did that, did he?"

"Wha—Idiot?" she pouted, only seeing him chuckle. He teased her like that. For some reason she liked it, being reminded that best friends, or couples, usually acted hostile toward each other as jokes. She sighed, even though that thought would have made her giggle. "No, he never took me on a trip out of the country. Only within. But I still don't understand why you're doing this."

He smiled again. "Do you want me to say mushy things again?" he rolled his eyes and moved towards her. "As much as I don't want to say it, I have to because you won't get it. So.. here it goes:

"Kahoko, I'm doing this because Len is not treating you the way you deserve to be treated. You're a beautiful woman. But there are always flaws to beauty. For one, you're slow, not athletic, a procrastinator, a girl who's always late, the one who'll blush every time someone tries to be direct with you on how they feel then suddenly run away.. Minor imperfections, but you're sweet, caring, lovable, pretty, slender, kissable, and everything else. There's so much you're hiding from me and I want to know you. I may be afraid and ignore you sometimes because I feel like I'm getting too close since I think you might not like me when you know me very well but I'm willing to make this work. I'm here to prove that Len isn't the one for you. It may be hard, but nothing's impossible with determination. I—"

Kahoko ran to him and put her index finger on his lips to shush him.

"Okay, wow. Umm.. I think I believe what you're saying. You don't have to say anymore.." she said, as she sat on the arm rest of the couch.

Etou looked up at her, searching her gold eyes. She was touched, shocked, and something else.. What was it..? He had a plan on how to guess without her running away.

"I was watching this game before and I want to play it with you. It's this game called 'Of course' wherein each of us will ask Yes or No questions. You always have to say Of Course but if the opponent says something harsh or witty that you can't answer back to, you'll lose."

She smiled. _I can pack later since he's doing this.. Going might be really fun! _ She thought, forgetting about the press and the entire world. Being with Etou wasn't anything special in a celebrity way. It has always been normal and.. this probably proves that famous people are just normal. Depending on their pride, though. If their pride is high, they're just plain annoying.

"Okay! I'll start!" She said happily. "Have you ever checked out a girl before?"

"Of course." Etou said indifferently. That sort of hit Kahoko. "My turn. Have you ever slept with your bra on?"

Kahoko froze from embarrassment. _What kind of a question..? I won't lose!_ She thought to herself. "O-Of course! Did you ever poo in your underpants?" her voice went an octave higher from her competitiveness.

"Of course. Did you ever like anyone other than Len?"

Her thoughts went to Ryotaro but she shrugged those off. "Ye—I mean, of course! You're a mama's girl, right?"

That hit Etou a bit. His family was a little bit of a sensitive subject but he carried it on well. "Of course." He said, unfazed. She found a hole on the blanket covering his worries. He didn't want to waste time anymore. He had planned to ask this. If the worse comes out, well.. it's up to him how he'll take it.

"You have already done it with Len, haven't you?"

Kahoko paused. "Huh? What do you mean by 'it'?"

Her slowness made the question very awkward. He questioned himself if he should still press her. "You know.. _**it**_."

Silence.

It didn't make anything better. Only after a while did Kahoko go 'Ahh', understanding that 'it' meant the process of making a baby. Then suddenly she covered her mouth with both hands and gasped. She didn't say 'Of course'.

"H-how did you..?"

Etou smiled in victory. "I win."

But the last thing Etou wanted to happen, happened. He would probably regret ever asking—saying, rather, that she and Len have made love together. Was it safe? Was she pregnant? What happened? But he couldn't possibly ask her that. Why?

She started to cry.


	13. Still in love with you

Is there such thing as the only lunatic of the world? Kiriya finally understood why most guys don't even want to mention break-ups to their girlfriends. Making a girl cry was the worst thing he's ever done. But he didn't understand what made her cry. So what if he knew her secret? Did this mean that she really cared, trying to keep it hidden from him? Could it be possible that he could take Kahoko away from Len?

He stared at the pretty eyes finally showing the misery that has been hiding for too long. His "victory" smile had faded into a horror-struck face, as if he had just murdered someone by accident.

"H-how can you say that so…" she whimpered.

Etou was silent, not knowing what to do to console her. "Is.. is it a hard topic t—"

"Of course it is!" she practically shrieked, her arms thrown in the air. "Nobody was ever supposed to know! How could.. How could you figure it out?"

He frowned and looked in her eyes. If he could read her correctly, most of the emotion she could feel was pure shame. Did it make her feel tainted? He couldn't bring himself to ask her about it because he was afraid that anything else he might say could provoke her to cry and scream some more.

"I'm so—"

Kahoko put her right hand on his chest. "Stop." She said. "N-never mind. Don't apologize. It's okay."

He froze at her touch and was surprised how quick she recovered from that blow. It didn't seem like her. It seemed like some sort of 'Len'. They both run away from serious topics.

"It… It's not your fault anyway. And.. if-if you want to know about me.. I guess this is a start?" she said, staring at the hand placed on his chest. She couldn't look him in the eye, saying the weird things.

Kiriya would have asked, but it would totally ruin the moment so instead, he held the elbow of her right hand and pulled her toward him to pull her closer. This slightly surprised her and she looked in his eyes to know his intentions. But when she did, he held her gaze and kissed her.

She felt lost in the moment. But she couldn't forget the fact that they were kissing in their apartment, full privacy. So she pulled away, laughed nervously and excused herself. She insisted that he should sleep on her couch, so that it wouldn't be troublesome to contact each other in the morning. First trip: South Korea.

* * *

**_* (: Hino Kahoko's Diary :) *_**

**_First trip out of the country!_**

_Seoul is a beautiful place. There was this really cool bridge that spouted water from the side! It was so cool! I have to make sure Etou-kun won't read this but.. it was really romantic that night hehe! I hated the food, though. Everything's too spicy so Etou would laugh at me! Luckily Etou-kun brought us to a ramen shop! Kimchi makes my tongue burn!_

_I only know how to say hello in Korean m(-_-)m annyeong haseyo, Korea! Oh! This is also where my recently favorite band lives! (It's Mio and Nao's fault..)_

_That was the only sightseeing trip we went on. I don't know why I'm so tired already, traveling and traveling. I get so dizzy riding a car nowadays. There are so many boy bands and girl bands! Things were still a little bit awkward.. Since Etou kissed me a day ago._

**_Hong Kong_**

_Uwaa, Etou played so well tonight! He made no mistakes as usual and played really hard songs. Uggh why is he so big-headed sometimes.. teehee_

_A dog chased me today! There was some meat stuck on my skirt and all the other people laughed at me! Even Etou. -_-"_

_We went to Disneyland but I didn't have much time to ride everything. The lines were very long so I bought cute stuff! I got a Lilo and Stitch glove and made Etou pose cutely. Haha so moe! But I hated that some people came up to me and asked about me and Len. There was even a girl that got mad at me! Spitting Chinese words at me.. T_T I felt more intimate with him when we both got over the kiss thinggie. :-o He's so annoying though. Keeps on teasing -_-_

**_Beijing_**

_I'm not allowed to leave today, so annoying! Too many people taking pictures and videos of me and Etooo~ It's so cold in the hotel rooms I've been in! I'm already wearing four jackets at once T_T But I love the beds! I keep jumping heehee! I can't share a room with Etoo so I share it with his publicist, Chiharu~ Etoo is a cute name. Etoo! Etoo! He's always annoyed when I say it, so Etoo!_

_01:58pm_

_I watched the news today for the first time because I was super bored. I couldn't understand anything but there was a flood in some foreign country. So scary. Then there were celebrities I didn't recognize. Thank goodness Len wasn't there._

_03:14om_

_It's been days since Kiriya kissed me. Not that I'm counting but.. the feeling is strange. When he's around, I want to jump on his back and play like a kid. He's so serious because of the tour and acts like everything annoys him. It's only normal because of his fans that stalk him and somehow get to find out his room number. I'm glad I'm not sharing rooms with him because it would get both of us in trouble with Len.._

_I miss Len._

_He feels so far away. I want to cry just thinking about him.._

_Why did he leave?_

Kahoko shook her head while she wrote in her small notebook and thought of something else to write.

_Kiriya is so funny. Just the other day, his sleeve got stuck on some rack for coats and his face looked like a snapshot when he was sneezing. His nostrils were big! Haha. He's not being very close with me like before. Why?_

_~~~~ what to write? ~~~~ (=^o – o^=)_

_*scribble scribble*_

_I can't think of anything else but to play the violin. My mind is so confused. I wish I brought my violin with me.._

_~~~~~ scribbleeeeesss ~~~~~~_

_Urrrghh! I can't make up my mind! Kiriya is so late! He said he'll be back at 3pm :I_

Kahoko closed her tiny notebook and opened the door leading to Kiriya's room and jumped on his bed, grabbing the nearest pillow. Her insides seemed to shake up as if she had depression issues or as if she were nervous. She desperately needed a hug. She wasn't the type to just say it out loud to someone she trusts, she was the type to keep quiet about it and to act happy. But it depends, since her actions are theorems based on the situation. She removed three of the four jackets she wore. It wasn't as cold in his room, for some weird reason.

She lay there unmoving, staring at the window. Feeling bored again, she switched on the TV. She sighed and suddenly, the door made the 'unlocked' sound. Her happiness returned in a great quantity as just being alone got her thinking negatively too much.

She ran to the door and opened it. Behind the door was Etou holding a plastic bag full of food, his violin case and of course, the headphones around his neck.

"Welcome back!" she said, cheerfully. Etou was slightly surprised, seeing her. He smiled and said nodded in reply.

He scanned the room, nothing was out of place, other than the jackets on his bed. The TV at the left side of the room was still on, showing the news. He turned it off.

He placed the food and his violin case on the top of the tiny closet, only fixing his violin case properly. Hino fixed the food, knowing that Kiriya would only take care of the items important to him.

"How was the concert?" she asked, as she rearranged the food properly.

"Boring."

"Where's Chiharu and your other companions?"

"They're promoting my new album and promoting me. They said they'll be back by dinner." Etou said, taking his trademark jacket off as well as his headphones and got a book. He positioned himself comfortably at the far edge of the bed and started reading.

"Can I borrow your headphones?" Kahoko asked.

He nodded, and looked at her absently. He noticed what she was wearing for the first time: an orange and white-striped jacket, short shorts and knee high socks. She was wearing the same tank top last night. Her hair had grown up 'til her shoulders. Full bangs didn't suit her much. He wanted her old hair, the hair he saw when they first met. As he stared at her, she tied her hair back in a high ponytail, making her bangs side to her left and wearing his favorite headphones. Etou looked away from her quickly and started skimming the book. He seemed to feel a little hotter, thinking to himself: _'Don't come closer to me'_

He noticed Kahoko making small gestures to get him to notice her but he didn't want to look. He felt hormonally-frustrated yet again. How could he just kiss her and not do anything else? But that was just his other 'side'. If he were thinking something else, he would have started eating.

He scanned the book yet again. He felt her gaze on him, but he dared not to look.

"Kiriya?" came that voice he couldn't keep ignoring.

"Hm?" he said, unable to look at her.

"Are you okay? You're red."

That shocked him. Fortunately for him, his expressions don't give him away. He shouldn't look at her. But just one look wouldn't kill him, right? But what if he'll see something and go crazy? These questions debated in his head as he read the same page six times. His curiosity got the better of him and he looked. And he was right. There was something that made him go crazy. Her jacket was falling off her left shoulder, revealing more of her neck and part of her shoulder.

Somehow, he was able to repress his lustful desire. Was he thinking this only because Kahoko had confirmed that she and Len have done something unspeakable over two years ago? Was it because he desperately wanted her to forget Tsukimori?

His repression was done in vain because Kahoko asked this question:

"Kiriya, is it okay if you hug me?"

First Etou hesitated then stuttered. "W-why?"

Kahoko pouted, having difficulty admitting it. "I.. I feel a bit lonely. I just want a hug." She grinned.

Etou seemed to think for a while. He extended his hand towards her. "Come, then."

That word wasn't really a good word to use. '_Come_'? It had some sort of double meaning. But what mattered that he hugged her, and she hugged him back. They cuddled on the bed, with Kahoko's head on his chest; she listened to the unsteady beating of his heart. She looked at the post-it on the cover of Etou's book. It showed the schedules of his tour. The next trip is Singapore, for three days.

"What happens when Len finds out about me going with you on your tour?" she asked, her arms circling around his waist.

"That's all up to him."

Kahoko paused. "What if he'll be violent?"

"I'll hit him back, of course. But do you really think he's going to break his sort of 'good student' rep? Anyway, don't think about him anymore. You guys broke up already."

She pouted. "But that doesn't mean the both of us have stopped loving each other.." she muttered to herself, hoping he didn't hear.

* * *

Notice how differently she calls Etou in her 'notes'? ^_^ I got a little stuck writing about this. Nevertheless, I'm done. Yay.

Thank you to those that keep reviewing.


	14. Kiss Me

Longest chapter I ever wrote! Yay! This is the chapter where you'll understand why it's Rated T. Enjoy! :)

* * *

It was big and cold in the private airplane of Etou Kiriya on the way to Singapore. Kahoko even wondered what he did with his money. They weren't just yen, they were US Dollars which would have cost 82 for just one dollar. She looked around at the occupied seats only taken by his publicist, his "crew" for composing music and his band. There were eight of them all in all, including Etou and Kahoko.

Hino was seated right beside him, listening to his headphones. She tugged lightly at his sleeve.

"What are we doing in Singapore besides the concert? There are three days.." she asked.

He removed his headphones, finding it useful that he sat at the very back, where no one could peek. "Well, first night is for a photo shoot. I still need to find a model."

Kahoko's eyes lit up. "Really? Does she have to be a native from the country?"

Etou shook his head. "Why, do you know anyone?"

Kahoko fell silent, looking as if she should say something but had no courage to speak up.

"Come on, you can tell me."

Hino scrunched up her nose. "Well.. I used to be a model in High School then College. I started when I was a junior until second year college."

He stared at her incredulously. "Why haven't you mentioned this before?"

"Well, it felt like I was bragging." She giggled shyly.

He chuckled with her, tucking a hair strand back behind her ear. "You're in!"

As the plane had already landed, and they were gathering their stuff, Kiriya whispered in her ear. "You're mine on the third day."

* * *

Singapore was a beautiful place, especially the hotel. It was cold again, as usual, and the beds looked perfect for jumping on, hypothetically speaking, that is.

"So we're modeling today?" Hino asked excitedly.

Etou lay on the bed, both hands supporting his neck, and his right leg resting over his left, eyes closed, simply inhaling the comfort you could literally smell in the room.

"Later tonight. Because the fans can always be anywhere." He said.

Kahoko looked around. "Wait. How come there's no bag there but mine?" she said, eyeing her bag on the bed next to Kiriya's. "Are we sharing rooms?"

Etou tried his very hardest to restrain a smile. "Well, I guess so."

"What?" she gasped. "But, you're a guy! And I'm a—"

"I told you about that already, Kahoko. I'm going to sleep. You better sleep, too because it was night time when we left."

Kahoko stared at him, shocked. What exactly did he mean by '_You're mine on the third day_'?

* * *

It was past 10 in the evening and their shoot would be starting when the clock struck at eleven. Kahoko was looking at all the dresses she would be wearing. She hadn't done modeling in so many years, she feels so nostalgic and happy. If she had not been in love with the violin, she would probably have become a model.

The venue was at a big studio, with a big white background. There were more people than Kahoko was used to, but they focused on Kiriya so she didn't mind.

"Etou-dono, we'll start a little bit earlier. Start with the sexy posing!" said the photographer's assistant exuberantly. Unlike Tsukimori, Kiriya was more of a bad, sexy boy type. If you would compare pictures, Len was very formal while Etou would show much skin.

Etou walked up to the white background, his sleeveless v-neck so low that his whole chest was bare. He sat on the chair and posed.

"Great! Face over there… a liddle more.. stop! Great!" the photographer would say. What shocked Kahoko was when Kiriya lifted his shirt, where you could clearly see the lean muscles on his stomach. A six pack. Kahoko sat agape, looking at everyone else, wondering if they had the same faces. But as she looked at everyone, they looked as if they had seen it ALL the time. Like it wasn't rare to see Etou with a six pack. A SIX PACK. She had never known he had a six pack! Len had a four pack. Kiriya definitely gained a thumbs up, and for the rest of that night, she did not think of Len.

After what seemed like four dozen pictures, they got Kahoko to change while the final photos will be taken. She wore a black spaghetti strap dress, similar to Angelina Jolie's from Mr. and Mrs. Smith along with black stilettos, the type of shoe she was _so_ used to wearing, sarcastically speaking.

"Okay, ah! Hino Kahoko! Hello, welcome. I did not notice you there. Coping with the break up with Len, ah? No, forget, and focus on sexy. You lucky girl!" the photographer said, with some sort of accent. She wondered if he really spoke like this since he looked foreign.

She walked up to the white background, only noticing now that Etou was not there and was changing in the studio changing room.

"While you wait, let's take a few pictures and see how good Etou-dono says you are." Said the assistant. This touched Kahoko. He told other people about her?

Before the photographer would even give the signal, she suddenly posed.

"Oh! Yes! Fierce! Ah, posture. Straighten up a liiitttllee~ there!" he said, as he snapped a picture, and another, and another.

Soon, Etou came out wearing formal clothes. Kahoko wondered if they had to pose like on that Mr. and Mrs. Smith movie poster.

"Okay, two of you together now. Things might get a li'l bit awkward since you guys gotta be real, real close to each other." Said the assistant, and instructed them on what pose to do. All the lights were fixed, then the white background became a rosy pink. The big slit on the side of Kahoko's dress made her feel conscious of her stretch marks.

"It'll be photoshopped, dear. No worries. Now, Etou hold her leg up."

Etou held the back of her leg, a little lower than her rear, then slid down to her bent knee, holding it up, the he went closer to her face, as if about to kiss her. Kahoko remembered that he wasn't doing this because he wanted to.. well, maybe he did because he seemed to be enjoying but this was like work so she acted the part. She moved closer to him, lips parted, staring at the camera with the expression saying 'I've got a sexy vibe, much better than you.'

"Wowoh! Don't move!" the photographer yelled. "Okay! Hino-san, look at Etou-dono's lips like you wanna kiss 'em!"

She followed all his instructions calmly. At least, that's what you would think. Seeing Kiriya modeling got Kahoko to see him in a new light. He's hot, sexy and handsome and made her feel hot. He knows how to do Judo, plays violin too well, and knows how to get a girl to do as he wants and was attracted to him suddenly. It's like all the imperfections made him so perfect and what's shocked her is that he would prefer her over the other supermodels he has worked with, and the actresses he has acted with. (Etou had appeared in two movies, one as a supporting and another as the leading man, all nominated for Best Actor/Film.)

* * *

Back in the hotel room, Kiriya had been praising her like crazy, throwing compliments on how sexy and beautiful, charismatic and talented she was. She couldn't even dodge any of it, seeing the sincere praise made her tear up. She had been used to flattery and so she would dodge. It felt as though he had penetrated her heart and tried to convince her that she wasn't as lame as she would think.

She was still a little surprised that they were sharing rooms for the first time. She already had dirty thoughts after seeing the pictures, forgetting to even worry about what Len would think. To make matters worse, as she tried to warm herself beneath her blanket, Etou joined her on the same bed.

"Wha-what the heck are you doing?" she screeched.

"I'm not feeling any colder. The only other warm place is the bathroom and where there is body heat. I don't want to sleep in the bathroom so I'll obviously stay here for a while." He said, closing his eyes as if sleeping beside Kahoko was absolutely normal.

She dared not to breathe, afraid that the slightest movement could have disturbed him.

"Kiriya, I've been wondering what you meant by the third day." She said after she got warmer. He was right, body heat makes you warmer.

He was facing her as they both lay on the bed, able to stare at each other but he chose to close his eyes. He didn't want to see how close she was, and how wrong it is for a guy and a girl unrelated to share a room.

He laughed. "You'll see."

She pouted. "Wha~t? Come on~ Pleaase~"

He chuckled. "All I'll say is that I'm going to be bad."

Kahoko inflated her cheeks in an annoyed way. "Meanie. You're bad now."

That caused Etou to open his eyes and laugh. He loved to tease her and see all the cute expressions she'd make. He absently moved closer to her and brushed his lips against hers.

She gasped at the contact, but the second time he did, she tried to kiss him back, only to fail. He saw the attempt and did it over and over again, watching her look frustrated and embarrassed. He did it again until Hino held his face and just kissed him. Deepening the kiss she felt some sort of lusty desire, remembering the modeling part of the night. He kissed her back and soon opened her mouth, his lips guiding hers, tongue in her mouth. But as soon as he started going on top of her, he pulled away. They were on a bed in a hotel room. It was quite obvious something like that might have happened, but that wasn't the only thing that sucked for Kahoko. She still wanted to kiss him, wanted to run her hands through his hair but suddenly, before he had pulled away, she had imagined Len entering the hotel room and holding Etou by the collar and pulling him away from her.

Etou had broken her replaying scenario wherein she was sure that it was a possibility he could have flown here. But Len was a man of pride. He wouldn't just apologize and try to take back a mistake. He would flow with it and soon, things would go his own way. She wondered how Len never managed to pop up during the rest of the time they modeled.

The next day was the concert. There were many Singaporean artists singing and dancing before the show itself, which started 2pm in the afternoon. Kiriya's time will come at 6pm to 7:30. The pop song Kiriya had composed (with his crew as the writers) will be played, complete with a well-known Singaporean singer-dancer-actress. Hino was unable to watch live, though she watched on the music channel that showed it live. She was astounded by the number that attended to watch Etou. He was that famous. He didn't only focus on classical, which was probably one of the reasons, and another would be because he was an actor.

* * *

_**Hino Kahoko's Diary again~**_

_In Singapore! Wow, modeling was super fuun! On our way there_ _was already sightseeing which was sad. I don't know why everything's busier here. But OMG Kiriya was so hot. I don't think I've ever encountered such a model like that before. I miss modeling. It was a nice feeling to do it again. Kiriya also kissed me. Wow, that felt hot, too. Haa. Stuck in the hotel room all over again~ Hope I'll be free someday. Haha, sounds like I'm imprisoned.. Planning to make my hair grow long, and maybe I'll make it curly. Guys are so into straight hair girls these days. My friend with curly hair used to be bullied just because of her hair.. hmmm.. _

_Etooo, so handsooome~ _

_I'm so b-o-r-d.. Is that how you spell bored in __English__? Len and Kiriya are both good in English. Etou has that foreign accent, wow, so impressed. _

_~~~~ *scribble scribble* ~~~~~_

_Funny, I feel excited tomorrow. It's the third day. I wonder what sort of surprise it is.._

_I watched the news today, and Len's reaction on my 'tour date' with Etou came up. As usual, he said that whatever I do doesn't concern him anymore.. whyy Len. _

_Geez, and almost everything I do reminds me of him._

Etou had returned but Kahoko was already fast asleep. He smiled to himself and put his stuff on the floor and went over to her bed, his hand resting underneath her pillow and a knee beside her. He bent down to kiss her forehead, but suddenly Kahoko hugged him, and he was unable to move, afraid to wake her up fearing that she would misunderstand when she said.

He stared at her, she who had such a peaceful face. Not anymore the crying Kahoko that killed him every time she would suffer alone. He smiled and kissed her jaw and lay like that for a while. After a few minutes, he was planning on how to get himself off of her, her hands circled tightly around his waist. She suddenly started nuzzling his waist, much to the utter shock of Kiriya, trying to get off.

_What is this girl doing?_ He thought. "_Kahoko, do you want me to take advantage of you?_" he whispered. He pulled away from her forcefully, not wanting to do whatever he wished to. As he fell on his bed, nearly knocking over the side tables between their beds, Kahoko hugged the pillow beside her, apparently muttering "Kiriya's so sexy.."

Etou's eyes could have popped, his pupils becoming tiny dots. "S-sexy?"

_So many fans say this! Why is it just now I feel so turned on by the sound? It's probably the way she said it.. No! Wait, I shouldn't.. I shouldn't.. be thinking about this._

_

* * *

_

He didn't get a wink of sleep that night. None, nada, zip.

_Hormonal… Frustration_ his body seemed to chant. He watched her the entire night, only sleeping and muttering unintelligible things. Every time she would move, he would either get a peek of her stomach showing slightly. Then he would get up and cover her with the blanket. He couldn't sleep the other way because there was a creepy painting of a man with a moustache. It was shiny.

It was already 7 in the morning, and Kahoko just woke up.

"Oh, Kiriya. You woke up earlier than me?" she asked, with a sweet smile on her face.

He stared at her haggardly and coldly. He got up and left the room, banged on the door where his crew slept in, people talking, then suddenly Chiharu (the publicist) entered the room and collapsed on his bed.

Kahoko sat up and looked at Chiharu, to the door. "What did I do?"

Chiharu muttered something, but Kahoko didn't hear anything.

"_Everything._" She said, frustrated. Her beauty sleep ruined.

* * *

Etou's hand managed to get under Kahoko's blouse, tracing her figure as his legs went in between hers. Kahoko shuddered, her mouth opening. Kiriya's best chance to put his tongue in her mouth was now, and so he did. Kahoko gasped, getting Etou even more turned on, his hands now at the back of her bra. Kahoko's legs circled Kiriya's hips, her hands running through his hair as they made out on her bed. His tongue did wonders inside her mouth that she nearly lost her breath. He pulled away for her to breathe, but he didn't stop there as he kissed her jaw, her cheek, her eye, down to her neck which caused her head to incline. She stared at the ceiling, biting her lower lip, feeling naughty. The room was quiet except for Kahoko's gasps, their kisses and the sound of fabric as they moved on the bed. She realized Kiriya was trying to find the clasp of her bra. Kahoko was too shy to say that it was in front, so instead, she made out with him again.

After a few more minutes, Etou placed Kahoko on top of him, hugging her closely.

"I can tell." He said.

"That what?" she asked, panting.

"You like me. A LOT."

Kahoko got up, getting annoyed.

"Whoa, whoa, I'm just teasing—" he said, getting up. He wore no shirt, so he was basically half-naked. They stared at each other for a bit.

"Do you think we could go farther than this later?" he asked.

Her eyes popped. "L-later?"

"It's only 2 in the afternoon, Kahoko."

"Wh-what.. But.. Wait, answer me first. How are you so good at this? You're younger than me!"

"Didn't I tell you already before?"

Kahoko thought for a while. She didn't remember anything. "No, I don't think so."

Etou sat properly, and fixed his pillow. "Well, I played with a lot of girls when I was an early teen."

Kahoko's eyes popped again. "E-early?"

"What? I lived alone. I was lonely." He chuckled.

Kahoko's phone rang and opened the message. "Kaho-chan! Everyone's talking about you and Etou-sama! Are you dating? I saw an interview with Len (I'm pretty sure you don't want to hear it, but he's not really happy about it…" Mio texted.

A sudden pang of guilt swarmed in her body. But suddenly, she tried to shake that off. He pushed her away! But.. she couldn't even consider what Kiriya wanted. She wasn't in love with him.. well.. she liked him, but she…

_I can't think._ She thought. And not because she and Etou had done something in their room just awhile ago.. She was being opted to choose. Etou loved her, and had mostly seen her bad side as he always, always bullied her, she gave back counter-attacks and he had seen her at her lowest, when Len had broken up with her. But Len had always been there. They loved each other, did everything but travel together, taught each other, and went all the way together. She couldn't stand to lose both.

"Who's that from?" Etou asked suddenly. She had gone quiet as she pondered over these things.

"It's just Mio, asking how things are.." she said and moved to the balcony of the room. They had only discovered that when they moved the curtains that night. She went outside for fresh air. Etou followed after her and kissed her hair. When he did, she turned to face him and he started kissing her neck again. But she didn't react this time. She stared at the door, thinking, almost hoping that Len would come in and show that he still cared. _He still does, right?_

Etou noticed her gaze and followed it. He almost asked why she stared at the door but he had read her mind.

"You're thinking about **him**, aren't you?" he said, sounding angry.

She looked at him with scared eyes. She couldn't answer. Which could only mean..

"I can't.. believe you! You want to leave? Are you just letting me do this because you don't want to hurt my feelings?" he yelled.

His assumption surprised her. "No! Of course no—"

"Then why couldn't you answer me just a while ago? You probably even imagined I was Tsukimori when we did _that_." He said and went back in the room, packing his things. He left the room and banged again next door. "**We're leaving EARLY**!"

She hurt him. She really hurt him. She wanted to like him. She didn't want him to suffer. Not anymore. He had gone through so much alone, the death of his parents, growing up alone, and now this. All her fault. He had asked for love and she—in a sense—played with it.

The most troubling part? They're going to London next. And that's where Len is.


	15. It's Official

Etou had ignored her the whole time they waited for the plane to get ready. Whenever she needed her bathroom breaks, no one would wait for her so he would stand outside the Ladies' Room and wait; as soon as she would come back, he would leave, no words spoken, no looking back. Was he that mad? Or a better question, did it matter to him that much?

Thinking about it now, yes it did. It really did. He wanted her to see him for who he really was. But a misunderstanding had spanned, he thought she didn't want this. He thought she had been lying to him just so he wouldn't feel alone, he wouldn't be rejected. He also thought that she had imagined Len as him but Kahoko didn't think of anything. It's only because of that scenario that played in her head. Why would Len come back and try to snatch her away from Etou? What right has he? He left her. He can't just come back and take that back. Not with that kind of pride.

It was cold on the plane. Hino was freezing, wearing only a tank top and jeans. They said it would be hotter in London, but she probably was too excited. She stood by the bathroom door at the very back. She stared at the maroon head with headphones on. Her guilt had been killing her inside. Why did she hurt him? How could she? But the hurt was inevitable. Who knew what would happen if she and Len had somehow met, alone. She shook off all those thoughts and focused on now. She has to make up with him.

She walked toward his seat, at the back as usual and sat beside him. She watched his eyes close and his eyebrows meet in something that couldn't be put as irritation.

"Kiriya…kun?" she whispered, despite the headphones.

His lips twitched. A string of hope was strung inside her, feeling so much desperation to mend this.

Her hand rested on top of his, feeling his fingers tremble all at once from surprise. She went closer to his ear, pushed the headphones away from his ear with her lips. "I didn't think of any of the things you said."

For some reason, her heart felt a little more free from the chains that tightened up the emotions inside her. She hated having to act like nothing's happening. She hated being plastic, pretending to be this and that. He was willing to listen.

That's all that flooded her mind.

"Kiriya, I think you understood me wrong. I didn't think of you as… _him_. I would never." She said, sincerely. She inhaled, preparing herself for what to say next. "You're so.. different from him. I can't even think to do that." She wanted to add that they were similar in many ways, but it wasn't a good time to say so. "Please stop this. I don't know what to say I'm sorry for—"

"Don't say anything then." He said, removing his headphones and then fixing his hair.

"..Huh?"

"_I_ was the one who made a mistake. Don't—Don't burden yourself with this. I'm sorry. I think I overreacted."

Slowly, she smiled as he looked at her in the eyes. "So.. we're good now, right?" she asked excitedly.

He smiled at her and winked. She opened her mouth, looked like she was about to let out a happy scream but nothing came out. After that, she embraced him tightly. "Thanks."

He pushed her back, took off his jacket and put it on her, noticing her clothes. "But if you really want us to be on good terms, I have a condition for you."

"What's that, then?"

He studied her first before saying anything. "Say yes."

Questions flooded her mind. "On what?"

"Be my girlfriend."

Her eyebrows shot up. She wondered how she couldn't have gotten the message right when he said 'say yes'.

He sighed and chuckled, his hand patting the top of her head and pulling her closer to him, kissing her forehead. "Fine. I'll be the nice guy you want me to be. I won't be mean to you—"

Kahoko shushed him by putting two fingers on his lips, her eyes closed as if she was trying to register what he just said. "'Won't be mean to me?'" she said, as if he had said something wrong. "Are you _seriously _saying that?"

He felt confused. He pulled away from the fingers on his lips. "Yeah. Why?"

She shook her head, confused as to why he even thought of doing this. She leaned back from her seat, hands on her lap, twiddling her thumbs, as if embarrassed to say: "Well, for one, it's like saying you won't be your usual self. You were really scary when you were angry but when you're mean, I don't know. It's.. fun."

"So, what's your point then?"

"Well.. why are you thinking this far for me?"

Etou almost rolled his eyes. "Kahoko, how many times do you want me to say these cheesy words? I—"

Kahoko hugged him with a guilty look on her face, silencing him. "You have the right to be angry at me. I'm not being a good.. a good.. girlfriend to you."

Etou's eyes widened. "Y-you're saying yes?"

Kahoko didn't say anything and pondered if what she did was right. She didn't say yes just so things with Etou wouldn't be hard. Somewhere in there, in that heart of hers, she had started forgetting about Len. Kiriya had started to become more important to her as he was so determined to have her and to get her far from him, for who knows what.

Her thoughts were interrupted when he pulled back. "Okay, I'll be angry at you and see if I'll forgive you after this trip."

"After this trip? Why so long! Hey! I just said I'm yours now, right?" she desperately said to him as he stood up to get his bags.

"You'll understand."

* * *

"Tsukimori, these are the pictures we retrieved from that time." Said a man with a cool cut and shades.

"Polly, are you sure this is really Hino Kahoko with him in the pictures?" he asked.

The man called Polly nodded. Len nodded to him in thanks and watched him leave the room. He sat in his office-like room on the chair with wheels, the large window behind him providing light before the sun set. He suddenly remembered memories with Kahoko on chairs like these back at Japan, but he told himself to forget those as soon as he pulled out the modeling pictures with Kiriya Etou, taken one or two days ago.

The envelope dropped to the floor, his eyes wide, eyebrows up in pure shock and mouth agape. He knew Hino used to be a model but he thought she had completely abandoned that dream knowing that she loved music too much. He resisted the urge to crumple the pictures, well aware how much it cost him to get them all the way from Singapore.

She was too close to Kiriya. He didn't like that, not wanting to admit it himself. He especially hated the picture where Etou was kissing the hollow part on her neck. He hated this way of 'sexy'. He never really liked Etou's pictures because it was risqué, or improper. To him anyway. He hated this so much more because he only imagined her being 'sexy' with him and not anyone else. He was in irritation, annoyance, frustration, anger, what other synonyms were there?

As his agent entered, Tsukimori suddenly threw the pictures under his desk, desperate to hide it (even though it was all over the news) and not wanting him to know about his reaction. Most of his fans were glad that Len and Kahoko were over but the TsukiHino fanbase was not happy. Some people had accused Etou of stealing her from Len but why would he steal her from him if he could already get not only Japanese hotties but all other foreign women? Why choose a Japanese teacher, ex-model and ex of Len Tsukimori?

"Len, they have arrived in the airport. Will you come over to greet them?" asked his agent, eyeing his desk.

"Of course not."

"Then the shoot at two in the morning?"

Len pressed his lips together.

* * *

"Kiriyaaa~ PLEEEAASE. Don't be angryyy~" Kahoko begged, chasing after him in the room.

"K-Kahoko, s-stop. Please, seriously I'm tired and I want to sleep. The plane ride was long and you were lucky because before you talked to me, you were dead sleep. Come on, can't I sleep?"

Kahoko stopped. "Fine. But we're modeling again together, right?"

Etou looked at her sadly as he was about to get in the bed. "Yeah."

It was ten in the evening. Kiriya will be sleepy later on, Kahoko thought. She wondered what other things they would do and the sort of people she would meet. She watched him as he tried to sleep and smiled. She stood up and cleaned his stuff, knowing him; he'll leave everything on the floor except his violin, his headphones and all his favorite stuff. She sighed in contentment, feeling the familiarity growing to become a habit. Etou couldn't sleep as he watched her. He wanted to tear up just by thinking that _SHE SAID YES!_

But tear up also because they were in London. The last place he wanted to bring her.

"Kahoko." Etou muttered as they were on their way to the dressing rooms before the shoot.

"What is it?" she asked, looking around. It felt like she was backstage in some major play. There was a stage on the side, with hanging curtains, fake vases and other props looking like a wall on the right and numerous hallways and doors filled with people on the right, as if there was a party, or prom, complete with the chairs and punch.

"Please promise me what you said awhile ago on the plane." He said quietly. She could not read his face since the place was slightly dark except where all the people were. Staring at the big sign saying 'Men's bathroom' on one door, she replied to him.

"Of course. Why are you—"

Suddenly, Kiriya grabbed her on the arm and pulled her in the men's bathroom. As awkward as it could get, she felt really, really hot. For one, there was no one in the bathroom. Two, he locked the door. Lastly, he had her cornered and kissed her deeply, his tongue making its way in her mouth by surprise. He held her face on one hand and another hand on her hips, pulling her closer to him. Somehow her arms found its way around his neck. As much as he didn't want to stop, he pulled away, Kahoko following his lips, obviously not wanting to stop. They both caught their breath, Hino in utter shock.

"Go to the dressing room they tell you to go to. I trust you, okay? I love you." He said, pecking her lips one last time and left.

"Hmm.. Len's a bit late, don't you think, mate?" asked a guy in the crowd as he interacted with others. The person in charge always makes it a point to get everyone to be friends so that things will be less awkward and formal.

"What? That's really weird. He's always early." Said another.

"Maybe he's shaken by his ex-girlfriend, Kahoko Hino. She's a prize, mate."

"Did you see the news? She and Kiriya Etou modeled together."

"No way, mate! Kiriya's a playboy type of model. I don't mean the clothes, but.. with the model. Gotta admit, those clothes he wears, they make a man look good. I'm wearing it right now!"

_Foolish gossipers. _Len thought as he passed right behind them. Overhearing too much, and stopping a little when he suddenly heard his name.

"I noticed there are a lot of Asians becoming really famous these days. What's the deal?" said one.

_If the whole Asia heard you say that, you'd be eaten alive. Maybe assassinated. Just saying," _He thought to himself, finally thinking of getting to his Dressing Room to change. It's always good to be ready early.

"Hey Riley, I doubt the awkwardness the manager wants for us will just increase later." Someone said, a few seconds after Len had left.

"Why'd you think that?"

"The love triangle's all here. Kiriya, Len and Kahoko. Who do you think will snog tonight, right?" they laughed out loud.


	16. Traitor

Len closed the door and took off his jacket. He inhaled the coldness and smell of the empty dressing room. He looked around. The room looked pretty old, especially because of the gray wallpaper with black and light gray shadings; nothing new there.

There were basically two couches back-to-back smack in the middle of the room and everything on the sides were rows of clothing racks filled with different outfits either covered in plastic or just plainly hanging there, being eaten by dust. He found it weird because there were dresses on the left side. Hopefully his idea of being transformed into a girl will fade. He stared at the ceiling, noticing the large pipe at the far end of the room where there was apparently a bathroom. The door was open, its design facing him which made him unable to look inside. He suddenly started to feel nervous, thinking there was some woman in white with blood all over herself, remembering the scary movie he watched with a couple of colleagues for fun. Though he looked the most unfazed, he felt relieved the last.

He slowly walked toward the male section of the clothing racks (left side); looking for the first batch of clothes he was going to wear, keeping his eyes away from the bathroom.

"A, what the heck—" he heard a lady voice shout in Japanese. It came from the bathroom.

Len's head immediately turned to the direction of the sound, wondering what the hell. He knew everyone would be using English so he didn't understand any of the Japanese the girl just said.

He knelt down slowly; afraid that whoever that person was might see him. He observed the bathroom door, seeing very little of what was inside from that angle. He moved further to the left until he leaned against the wall, seeing light in the bathroom and all those typical white toilet stuff. One that was not typical was that Hino Kahoko was there trying to clip her bra properly, wearing cycling shorts and only that bra.

Len became pale. They were both in a room all alone. What's worse, he had locked the door. And why on earth was she here? He uses only one dressing room, which is this room. He sleeps in here and thinks in here, sometimes even plays violin. It's basically his second home every time he is called for a shoot.

"Ugh, my hands are getting tired.." she complained to herself in Japanese. Suddenly, Len had a brilliant idea.

Len tiptoed to the middle as quietly as possible, acting as if he had just entered. He twisted the doorknob just to make a sound audible enough for her. He heard her gasp.

"Excuse me! Is there anyone using this room?" he called out in his best English accent.

Just then, the clip went in. "Ah, s-surry! Uh, excusu mi! Here is somebody!" she yelled, wondering if her English was right. "Shit, my clothes are out there, why must there be an English man in here now! I might get raped!" she said to herself in Japanese, panicking. _After minutes of putting this stupid bra on, it might get unclasped after all! _she thought. She heard footsteps coming nearer and nearer to her. She was probably mistaken but she could hear a little familiar chuckle.

"No, no! Stopu, stopu! Agh, wait a minutes!"

But the footsteps didn't stop. She closed her eyes tightly, thinking what the hell she should do. She found a towel so she draped it around her but upon looking at the mirror, she saw the face of her nightmares which used to be dreams.

"..Len." her eyes widened.

He smiled, biting his lower lip, although he couldn't help it, he told himself he shouldn't even be speaking with her after leaving behind their relationship to continue pursuing his career.

"You're in my private dressing room." He said indifferently in Japanese with a slight teasing tone, still smiling.

"But.. they told me this was the—"

"They always do that to foreigners that can't speak English. They treat it as fun so that they'll have something to talk about with you afterwards. Don't think badly of it." He cut in. "Strange though. They know you as my 'ex-girlfriend' yet they do this." He mumbled.

She ignored that. "So this isn't the first time that this happened..?" she asked him, fixing the towel. His eyes didn't waver from her eyes despite the skin and cleavage.

Taking small steps toward a painting just beside the restroom, he put his hands in his pockets. "Well, I'd usually see them right in the middle of the room, not in the bathroom, desperately trying to clasp her bra." He grinned at her.

Kahoko's face grew hot as she looked away, slapping his arm as she made her way to her dress which was on the couch, in the middle of the room. She sat there and picked it up, wondering why Len had acted so casually.

"Why don't you get rid of the towel? I'm already used to seeing you without much on." He said nonchalantly.

She stared at him, her mouth slightly open. _I hope he's kidding_.

When she didn't say anything, he made an awkward face. "I'm kidding."

After finally registering that, she laughed. Len gave her a questioning look.

"You're still the same Len," she giggled. "that can't tell jokes."

He took that offensively in a playful way. "Hey, I can say I've gotten better!" he said, slowly approaching her.

"Sure, but you still suck at it."

* * *

After they had both changed into their modeling attires, Len sat in the couch behind her, the back of their heads facing each other, four or five inches apart. He was wearing a formal suit, like always. Kahoko wore 4 inch heels with her dark pink tube dress with a balloon skirt, a belt with a bow at the back and many beads.

He hesitated. "I.. saw the pictures." He said, suddenly serious.

Her lips instantly pressed together as if it twitched, hands balling into fists.

Silence filled the room as neither knew what else to say. '_I'm still special to her'_ He thought, assessing the situation as perfectly as always.

"Why are you so quiet?" he asked. "I didn't say which pictures, but you're already acting like you've done something wrong."

Kahoko tensed even more. Hoping he did not see her modeling photos with Etou. Suddenly the forgotten Len in her heart burst out, pulling her toward him. Hino didn't even think about Kiriya.

She glanced behind her, at the back of his head, trying to guess what he was thinking, but from what she could understand, he had already won at getting her guilty.

"Why did you model with him?—"

"Are you angry at me for doing that?" she abruptly asked. Anyone could see that she still wanted Len. She was still in love with him. She suddenly wondered what possessed her to become Etou's girlfriend. They have only been together for almost two weeks. She couldn't have fallen in love with him just like that; his pretty words pulled her in. It took her two years to realize her feelings for Len. It made her fall in love with him even more after 8 years. She wanted to give Len her whole heart but he left her. Remembering this felt like something inside her had shattered. She wondered what was left to shatter if her heart had not been whole in the first place.

"Angry?" he asked, thinking for a while. "Do you want me to be?"

She pressed her lips together, looking staring at the beads on her dress that looked like a party-style wedding gown, feeling tears in her eyes and a lump forming in her throat. "No."

He stood up and sat on the same couch as her, nervously playing with her bracelet—a charm her mother gave her for luck—sitting as far from her as possible then slowly going nearer. She didn't do anything but sit there, hearing him ask 'why?'. This time, within arms reach they grew physically close, sitting right beside her. He couldn't help but hold her face with his left hand, looking down at her sparkling eyes, watery and being held back.

Only now Kahoko understood what Etou meant by 'Don't break your promise.'

She bit her lip as Len suddenly went closer to her face, feeling his breath on her face.

Lightly, she pushed him away, her hand on his torso. She closed her eyes, shaking her head. In all honesty, she didn't want to move. If there was some way they could be together again, she would do anything, but not like this. Not after what he did to her. It may seem to be a small deal, but watching someone you love leave you for what, a meeting? They were on the shakiest situation in their relationship. If Len had never left, none of this would have ever happened. No problems, no Kiriya.

…_No Kiriya?_

* * *

Len left the dressing room a few moments after Kahoko. She had made her point clear before she left. What right had he to take back what he threw away? It was humiliating and a pride destroyer. It was like telling someone a secret. You can't ask that person to forget that ever happened and take it back. Walking along the dark hallways that were all too familiar to him, it all seemed strange, running after her. She always ran after him before.

Walking into the party, people greeted him. He barely nodded as he searched for Kahoko but she was already with Kiriya. It seemed like a bad situation since he was seated in the middle of a big couch filled with other girls wearing incredibly short dresses. It actually looked like a sleazy bar. He looked like he was trying to get Kahoko to stay with him. He figured that Etou probably didn't understand how awkward that would feel for her. Even when Kahoko was still with Len in the past years, it was normal to see Kiriya surrounded by women. He was a big flirt and good with the ladies but he had never been insanely serious. Only once or twice, but because of his playboy look and act, he knows a lot about playing but not loving. He can't love Hino.

Len marched toward Kahoko and pulled her away from his grasp.

"You don't understand, do you, Kiriya Etou?" he said threateningly, holding Kahoko's wrist. "Adding another girl to your harem won't make her like you any more."

Etou stood up and laughed sarcastically. "Harem? At least girls appreciate me more than you, the man without company. Let go of my girlfriend."

"This is one thing you'll never understand. She's not your girlfriend. You don't know how to have one."

"Kahoko herself confirmed it. Ask her yourself, and just so you know, I've had more girlfriends than you. Talk about no experience, huh Tsukimori?" Etou countered confidently. Kahoko watched the two with their 'debate'. No matter how she wanted to get away from all of this, she wanted to go back with Len, just anywhere away from here. Len had surveyed the situation accurately and correctly as always. Kiriya had asked her to sit beside him with all the other blonde, red-headed, big breasted women that looked at her in such terrible ways. He didn't even seem to notice her discomfort as he entertained the other girls, flirting. _Wasn't_ she his girlfriend? Kahoko thought that his mean streak was his imperfection, but right in front of her was another flaw. Again, Len was right. He didn't know how to love—at least, that's how it seemed—having lost everything there was to love. All he grew up with were different kinds of women.

Len looked at her, searching for a denying look.

And she gave Len exactly what he wanted.

* * *

So, who do you think is the real traitor?


	17. Torn

_Betrayed._

_There was nothing else he felt._

_She promised to stay his girlfriend but instead she practically humiliated him._

_But… was it his fault?_

"I'm so surprised. You actually went my way." Len panted, although he was not tired.

Kahoko skipped the modeling with Etou.

She was quiet the whole time, still wearing the dress.

"Oh, you can keep that dress. I'll pay for it. It looks good on you." He said casually, trying to ease the heavy ambience, knowing that she didn't cope well with groups of slutty women or anything forward at all. He hid her well and took care of her, too. She was always a good, proper girl. Why do you think Len always stayed his proper looking self? _For **her**_, that's what.

Outside the building, just by the entrance, they waited for Len's driver. The breeze was cold but exhilarating and the only source of a stress reliever at the moment. Len started to remove his jacket but Hino stopped him.

"You'll get cold. Keep it on, don't worry about me." She said, without looking him in the eye.

"You know I won't listen to you. You say that all the time." He smirked. "What do you want me to do; you're wearing a tube dress."

She pursed her lips. Len put the blazer back on and covered Kahoko. If you looked at it, you would see a couple with the boyfriend hugging the girl from behind, with his jacket covering her. Her skin gave him blisters of the cold; he himself cringed and wondered how she could have endured it even for a few minutes. He held her arms, heating her frosty skin. He could tell she was a bit uncomfortable by her breathing.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"Why?"

"Even though you went through all of that to save me, I think I should go apologize to Kiriya.."

_Kiriya_. The way she said his name unnerved him. Nonetheless, he respected her opinion. Kahoko is a very, very kind person.

"Okay, but not now." He said seriously.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"You think you can go back there alone and stay with him?"

She was silent. _So he didn't plan to go back with me.._

Tsukimori's driver had picked them up and they made their way to the hotel where Etou and Hino stayed. Hino invited him for a snack.

"Len, can I ask you a question?" she asked in the car, quietly.

"What is it?"

She paused. "Why are you being nice to me after what happened?"

"After what happened?"

That really annoyed her. "Why are you pretending? We broke up, didn't we?"

"Said who?"

She blinked. Who _did_ say they broke up? Did she just assume that just because he left for that stupid meeting? What was that meeting about, anyway?

"…We're here." He said quietly.

Arriving in their hotel room, she started to look for her money (which was stashed in her bag's secret compartment. She noticed Len looking through the drawers. Immediately, she stopped him and collected all her underwear.

"So.. you and Etou were sharing a room?"

Her cheeks turned very red. "N-no, wh-what made you think that?"

He looked at the drawers. "There are pairs of boxers and briefs with the words 'Kiriya Etou is awesome' printed on it."

She couldn't reply.

"…You must like him a lot." He muttered.

She stopped and stood up slowly. She looked back at him sadly.

"No, Len. Don't think that way.." she said with pity in her eyes. She knew he loved her, he really loved her. But sometimes—

"I never left you, Kahoko."

Her heart felt a pang.

"What..?"

He caressed her cheek and tucked the stray hair from her face behind her ear. Kahoko instantly looked away, shivering from his touch. Why is it that when you try to forget someone, they come back to haunt you? And when you're together, you'll think everything will be okay but in the end, they're making you hope for something that isn't even there. She's not going to let that happen. Well, she _might_ not..

"Did you find the money? It won't be a good thing if someone spots us in here."

* * *

"Kiriya~ who wuz that girl?" asked one of the models after the shoot, who sounded drunk and looked anorexic.

He hesitated. He's practically dated most of the models, not like her, so it's not a very good idea to say what he was supposed to say. "She's a friend."

"GIRL-friend?"

"No." _Not anymore, I guess.._

Three models scooted closer to him. He stood up in irritation. That's why he was always infuriated with flirty female models. Although they have nice bodies, they're all fake. From the personality to the body: fake.

"Stop it, girls." He said bluntly and left to drink some wine, alone.

He swirled the red wine before briefly drinking, wondering what on earth he did wrong. He was only entertaining the girls. Kahoko can't have everything, right?

* * *

Kahoko laughed really hard. The first real laugh she's had in weeks. Len just watched her, smiling. Both of them ate salad, one Caesar and the other fruit. Normally he would be irritated by her laughter because she found his face funnier than his joke (some secret conversation they always had together), but he hasn't seen her in a long time.

"Len, I just love how you always make that face right after you tell a joke! It never gets old!"

He just smiled at her, interpreting what she just said in a different way.

When she had calmed down, she started to feel a little self-conscious.

"Why do you keep staring..?" she asked, sipping her water.

"You haven't been practicing." He said, seriously now.

Silence.

"I-I can't believe you're still worrying about that.." she said, looking away, suddenly feeling hot.

"Of course I care. You're my only violin duet partner, right?"

She pursed her lips, wondering about Etou. "I do miss playing the violin.." she muttered, ignoring what Len just said.

"When are you coming back to Japan, then?"

"I'm—I don't know yet."

Both of them went quiet, suddenly the atmosphere turned awkward.

Kahoko's head was a mess. What do you do when you're torn between two people? Actually, she was seriously leaning into Tsukimori's arms. For her, Etou was so, so far away. Even though he's the one who let her know he's trying hard, it felt different. She and Len never knew that they liked each other at the start. They were just both surprised when they realized they had mutual feelings. This proved that knowing things beforehand was crap. Usually if Person A knows Person B's feelings (without Person B knowing), she'll tease and play with him without the intention to reciprocate his or her feelings or will just basically try too hard and end up ruining it for him or herself.

"Kahoko?" Etou called. He ignored Len who sat innocently there, right in front of her.

Kahoko turned sharply, her heart beating fast from guilt and fear, stood up and met with him, motioning Len to wait. Although that's what she felt inside, her outer appearance looked so calm, almost intimidating. He led her to an empty closet.

"Wh-what is it?"

Etou seemed to lick his teeth in his mouth as he wondered what to say.

"D-did I do something wrong awhil—"

Kahoko made an irritated gesture, totally eliminating her fear, as if everyone has been asking her the same question over and over again.

"So I did? Is it about the other girls?"

She did it again, only it looked like she repressed a groan.

"Why? What's the problem? I didn't do anything wrong—"

"Okay, so you didn't do anything wrong." She said.

Silence.

"Is that it? Is that all the explaining you're going to give me?"

She was surprised by what he said. "Look who's talking." She said, trying her best to hide her scared self and copying Len.

"I'm famous, alright? Just because Len and I like you, and because you're on TV doesn't mean you're better than the both of us."

What he just said really unnerved her. He thought he was so high. "Oh, so you think I'm doing this because I think I'm lacking attention?"

"Yes."

She sighed. "I don't want to do this anymore Etou."

Suddenly, concern showed on his face. "What, do what?" he asked gently. He looked like a kid as his pure anxiety came out. She suddenly realized he was younger.

"I.. I'm sorry, Kiriya. I know you've been waiting for me to finally like you. I do, really. You're like my hero, you know? You saved me when I was almost breaking. But I…" she sighed. "Here comes the stupid, corny part..

"I thought I found Mr. Right, or Mr. Perfect or Prince Charming. You came to tell me that you were far better, that he sucked. You tried your best to change my mind, well turns out you were right. You are the guy I like."

Etou's worry eased, but she was not finished.

"But you found me.. at the wrong time. I'm still in love with Len, I'm sorry." She pressed her lips together. The face of Etou didn't look like his mature and sexy self like when he modeled. He looked liked the fragile child who lost his parents, the one who fought desperately not to drown in the sea of darkness. The second she finished, she wanted to take it back, seeing in his eyes that he was… what was happening? She couldn't read his eyes or his face, she could see _something_ but she couldn't make anything out of it. _He can't replace what I'm missing because Len is the one I'm missing.._

Would this be what you called loving him in the fall? But why did it come so fast? Shouldn't this happen after thinking about what she did? In the bathroom? On her bed? Why there, spot-on?

"Kiriya?" she asked, making sure he was alright.

"I'm not giving you up. I still don't understand why you left me there, you promised you wouldn't leave me—"

Hino giggled. She held his face with one hand. "Who knew someone this tall is younger than me? Who knew that behind that mature face, is someone who is like a kid?" she smiled. It was just like she was talking to a child that professed his love to her. "Kiriya, I'm not going to leave you forever. I don't think you understand yet, but you entertaining other girls? It doesn't mean you have to act like they're all your girlfriends. You probably think it's normal for you to do this, but not for me." She made a cute grin. "Hey, don't look sad. You love me, right?"

He nodded. She thought in her head how cute he was and how he reminded her of a tiny Kiriya Etou, complete with chubby cheeks and a pouty face. "Well, guess what? I love you, too. Just, not now when he's still on my mind. Maybe soon, okay?"

He looked down, breaking eye contact. He couldn't speak, thought he didn't look like he was going to break down and cry.

"You don't believe me?" she asked, crouching lower to meet his eyes. "I wouldn't do this now would I?"

She kissed him, letting him do as he pleased before she finally broke off their short relationship. Choosing between something your heart wants and something your mind is telling you can be quite confusing. Len was still in her heart, but Etou tried to persuade her that he isn't a good choice for a lover. Naturally, she would lean in to him because Len had left her. But apparently Len said he never left. How is Kahoko going to deal with this dilemma?

She hugged him after that and left.

What's hard here? It's that he'll have to stay with her in the same hotel, in the same places, and in the same plane for two more days, unable to face her the same mature way again.

* * *

I'm SO sorry this is so late. Summer had just started, and we had loads of exams. We had subjects we took up last year and this year so extra studying. Tell me what you think~ (Is it too confusing? :[)


	18. Soon it will be

Kiriya had already returned to his room, stifling groans whenever he thought back to his actions with the other sleazy models. It all made sense! Why on earth did he not think of it before? He wanted to punch himself for doing something so ridiculous. Now he wonders what situation he would be in right now if he didn't entertain the other girls. Would he be in such a state of confusion? Jealousy?

…Despair?

Kahoko had entered the room after a while.

There has never been such an awkward moment like that one.

Kahoko went inside, awkwardly bowing to greet him with a shy smile. He hadn't moved from his position on the bed. His head was flat on the pillow, making Kahoko wonder how he could breathe and he just lay there in a prone position.

Neither of them spoke for the longest time. Would they be like this for two whole days? Would Kahoko go meet Len everyday? What exactly was she feeling?

"Kiriya."

He cringed. It was as if a teacher just called your name while everyone in class stared and listened to what you had to say.

He looked up and stared at her, waiting.

Kahoko seemed to be regretting what she had told him. She didn't show it, but she did think of it quite often. She tells herself that it was a good thing she said it, even though it barely made sense to her but she surely couldn't stand looking at Etou and only seeing a delicate, lost little boy.

"Let's eat out." She said.

Etou lip twitched, but he nodded.

They both stood up, in silence. All the noise only came from the friction of the blankets. He wondered why she still chose to stay with him in the same room and why she asked him out.

Eating pizza quietly, people took pictures of Etou with their phone cameras, afraid to approach him. He sipped his coke quietly, staring at Kahoko's food.

"Aren't you going to eat your pizza? I'm paying for it~" she said with forced enthusiasm.

He stopped sipping and looked at her. "Ah. No, I'll pay." He said, and returned to sipping his drink.

Hino frowned. "Because of what I did, I really owe you because of this whole trip and because of you. I'm very happy because of what you've given me. I don't want to ask any more from you.."

_Ask any more from me? She doesn't want my love then, huh._ He thought, sulking.

She figured she'd said something wrong because he did not reply his usual sarcasm. She looked at him sadly. Remembering her talk with him in that closet, she realized how stupid she sounded. Like but did not like? What? Strange how she could understand it with feelings but not with words. For the benefit of Etou she would explain later. She really wished she could just forget Len, but how could she? She didn't want to see Kiriya like this. It was as if Etou had changed. She didn't know if he was dying inside, or if he just had a hard time understanding.

"Kiriya~ what can I do to make you happy?" she asked. The way she said his name made her desperation apparent.

He was surprised, hearing her say that. He couldn't ask her for her feelings, this was unfair. But he wasn't going to be immature about it.

"If I said that I never wanted to see your face again, would you be alright with that?"

Hino froze. Did she really hear that right?

Suddenly he chuckled. "I'm kidding. Geez, you can't even take a joke anymore."

Kahoko gave out a small forced laugh, trying to forget her feelings of shock now turning into embarrassment.

"Why are you red?" he asked.

She drank water to hide her shame.

"You actually believed it?" he laughed.

She smiled as she drank out of her glass, wondering what else she can do to keep him from frowning. She wanted him to always smile. Seeing him frown made her feel sad and responsible for it.

She could remember Etou as the guy who would only stand and watch. Observing was his forte and his own little hobby. He had changed over the years when she and Len were together. He became more sociable to her and sweet, even with a great amount of playful and sarcastic remarks. Was it because he realized that doing nothing but watch would get him nowhere? Even though people say that magical things happen on its own, the things we want to ensue will have to start with our own personal effort. Nothing in the world is free to us without hard work, after all.

Night time already and they were both back in their rooms. Kahoko didn't move to the next room away from Kiriya. She wanted to be with him for the remaining time before he fully resumed his tour and travel schedule.

She had just finished taking a shower and her hair had taken on a clean, shiny look. She could tell Etou liked it because he stared at her in the most subtle way.

The main light was already off but she kept her lamp on, combing and combing her hair. It felt like her only way of letting her stress out. Len was right, she missed the violin.

Noticing how shiny and nice her hair finally looked, she glanced at Etou. He suddenly closed his eyes as he saw her movement.

She looked at him, making a sad face.

"Kiriya? Are you awake?" she said, looking at him from the other side of the room; setting her comb down on the desk, Etou replied with a faint 'hmm'.

"I'm sorry if I'll do this but—"

She climbed into his bed, under the sheets; holding on to his torso with her forehead on his collarbone.

Etou stiffened, wondering if he should embrace her.

"I probably confused you when I told you what I felt yesterday."

She waited for his retort but it never came. She continued after a while, a little self-conscious: "I like you."

"But you don't." he muttered.

"Wait, let me finish." She said. "I just.. don't love you yet. I realized that."

"You told me I came at the wrong time." He whispered into her hair, finally loosening up to her.

"You tried to talk me out of things when I thought he left. Okay, I gave you a chance. I started to forget him, and you were the only thing in my mind, but Len would pop in, even for just a half-second. It's just.."

She felt his hand combing her hair as she breathed into his chest. "Do you get it so far?"

She felt his steady breath. "Yeah. I'm not good enough."

She touched his cheek. "Hey, don't say that. It's just that I'm still in love with him. We've been through more.. I guess I just can't accept anyone else but him yet."

He nodded in understanding. He thought to himself if he should reveal his true intentions for wooing her. "Do you know why I tried to rush everything?"

The question clicked inside her. This might be interesting, she thought to herself. She shook her head and waited.

"So many people made forums, fan clubs, videos and edited pictures of you and Tsukimori. Even some of my fans wanted you guys to be together forever. Simply put, marriage."

He paused. He was still hiding something.

"I didn't want to lose my chance with you yet, so I did this."

She smiled at him. "I appreciate that. Thank you, Kiriya."

"But you should really go to Tsukimori and ask him why he left you that night."

Kahoko's eyes widened in surprise. "You know what he went to do?"

"I'm not telling you. Let him tell you himself."

"Why not? Isn't it important?"

"… It has nothing to do with me."

* * *

"I'm home!" Kahoko exuberantly yelled as she got home after the flight. Her mom yelled her name as she had just turned off the sink. "Oh, if only I knew, we would have cooked more!"

"No, it's alright mom, haha. I'm a bit tired today. … Yes, I'll go get some sleep. Thanks." she said, as she kissed her mother on the cheek. She said she would 'get some sleep' but she had slept quite well enough on Etou's lap during the plane ride. She didn't know that the stranger beside her quite enjoyed having her sleep on his shoulder so Etou pulled up his arm rest and laid her head comfortably on his lap, to the irritation of the stranger. It was only today she had realized what kind of a person Kiriya Etou was on the inside. Did he always have his guard up? A mask to hide his fragile self, it's only now Hino realized that Kiriya wasn't that man who seemed to be older than her, he was still a boy at heart, the one who grew up without parents. He was not that rude and sarcastic guy she first met. He was actually a sweet guy.

What's going to happen next? Kahoko thought, lying on her stomach on her bed. She's home, she'll work again the next day. Everything felt wrong. She wouldn't see Len or Etou at all because they'll all be busy with their work; especially Etou because of his year long hiatus. Tomorrow, he said he'll go back to America to tour 13 states then he'll head to Canada for more tours. He'll be going with many singers since his violin music hasn't only been limited to classical. He plays violin solos for many ballad songs and even some pop-rock songs. He had confided that he quite liked playing other genres than classical. _"Too much calm, classical music drives me crazy." _He says.

"Kahoko! It's for you!" her mom called after the phone rang.

She lazily got up and answered the phone.

"Hello? ..Nao! Thanks for calling! …Yeah, I just got back…You've called how many times?.. Well let's meet up right now! I have nothing to do."

As she made her way to the pastry shop, she spotted Nao's black boyish hair accompanied with three others.

"Shoko, Nami and Mio! You're all here!" she exclaimed as she got to their table. The friends stood up and embraced her all at once, welcoming her back to Japan and inquiring on her trip with Etou.

"Kaho, you've really gotten busy." Nao remarked, looking at her friend differently.

Amou smirked. "She's probably been doing things with him.. if you know what I mean.."

Kahoko's sudden blush and shocked face made them laugh. "I did not! We didn't. No!"

After ordering ice cream, cupcakes and cakes, Kahoko asked Shoko loads of questions like when she came back, what she did, how is her music life, love life and everything else. Shoko apparently has a 'mutual liking' towards another guy from another country!

"But anyway, what happened with you and Etou?" Mio asked, making sure she did not ask about Len.

She pursed her lips and took a deep breath. Her girls would surely give advice for her situation. "Well, first things first, travel and sight-seeing. All the places were great!" and she told them about Beijing, South Korea and all the other places she's been to.

"After that," she giggled nervously. "Etou and I sort of got together…"

Nami and Mio squealed. "Oh, Kahoko~ You did something, didn't you!" Nami whispered.

"Fine, fine, we **did** do something but nothing beyond _that_." She admitted. She noticed Shoko covering her mouth to prevent herself from laughing and the others smirking at her. It felt like an embarrassing topic.

"But then, I'm sorry to ask, Kaho, what about Tsukimori-kun? In his interviews, he certainly looked unhappy about you and Etou." Nao asked.

All eyes were on her.

Her lips quivered a bit. "I'm getting to that. Umm, I broke it off shortly," she said and continued to explain the things that took place, the models and when Len had showed up.

Surprise touched their faces as they heard Len's name. They knew how special the connection between her and Tsukimori was. You could tell from pictures, videos and especially when they were together. Len wasn't as cold, he actually laughed a lot.

"You broke it off with Etou.." Mio repeated sadly.

"Still in love with Tsukimori-kun.." went Shoko.

"I'm torn whenever I have to choose." Kahoko said quietly, making sure no one else heard in the pastry shop.

"Well, it's quite obvious you're in love with Len. Last time, you talked about marriage with him when we brought it up." Nami said.

"Well, yeah, but I don't like seeing Etou down because of me."

Nao chuckled. "Kaho, it would be the same with Hihara-senpai, isn't that right? He confessed to you and was sad because you weren't together."

She smiled faintly. "But he was happy for me. This time, Etou really said he loved me."

Silence.

"He wanted to prove that Len wasn't the one. He was always there when Len wasn't, and he vowed to give me whatever Len hadn't. I was really swayed, especially when we modeled together. But I told him that I can't be with him. I really feel strange." She said.

"Like you can't embrace any of the love he gives?" Shoko asked.

They all stared at her.

"Whoa! Sweet, the experienced Fuyuumi Shoko!" teased Nao.

She giggled and explained her situation. Hino and Fuyuumi had similar situations! But Fuyuumi is taking it easily. Kahoko frowned at her weakness and her own disability to keep her feelings in check.

"You can't have everything, based on my experience." Said Shoko seriously. "I'm not saying you can't have both of them in your lives, but you'll have to choose. One of them will be your husband and the other will only remain a friend."

_Husband.._ She could only picture Len as her husband.

"It's a tough situation, Kaho-chan. But we all have to make sacrifices, right?" Mio encouraged.

Just then, the soft radio in the pastry shop started talking about Etou.

"So many people have posted different videos of superstar Etou Kiriya from the US and Tsukimori Len's alleged ex-girlfriend. We still do not know what to believe about Hino Kahoko's relationship status but many reporters have gotten the reactions of her sweetheart, Tsukimori-sama.

_I am not Kahoko's bodyguard, right? So anything she does shouldn't concern me. But these past days have been too much for me. I'm already hoping she will just go back to Japan, and I will meet her there and make everything right again._

He said this a few days ago in London when Etou Kiriya and Hino Kahoko were in Beijing. This is our first time to see and hear him being so open to the press and we can really feel his sadness. We all hope that everything will be made clear soon. This is Saito Haruka on Celeb news."

* * *

That night, she had been thinking a lot about what Shoko had said. She figured that Len and Etou are both busy now, so why worry about what would come? Etou's trip is very long and anticipated by fans. She realized that it would be harder if Kiriya would go for even longer tours, unlike Len. But a thought struck her: Kiriya would have brought her along.

As she had been thinking, she heard a violin being played. She listened. It sounded strange. One note, pause. Another note that sounded weird, pause. This went over and over until they all joined together. Her heart seemed to have burst with joy of this feeling. The violin's melody was beautiful, and the piece itself seemed to be extremely hard. She wanted to find where it was coming from, hoping it wasn't her imagination and that her house wasn't haunted by a violin master, she looked outside. Kiriya was playing the violin right in front of her house! She ran out her room all the way down, ignoring her mother who asked if she was the one playing her violin CDs. When she opened the door, Kiriya opened his eyes, surprised, but kept playing. He had a little smile on his face after seeing her. She shook her head as if saying 'I can't believe this..' and put her hands on her hips then opened the gate after.

She waited patiently until his song ended.

"That was great! What song was that?" she exclaimed as she stepped forward to hug him.

"It's a new song I'm composing."

He felt her freeze. She pulled back with an amazed expression.

"No way!"

"I'm not joking."

"Are you serious?"

"What's wrong with you? Violin music makes you this happy? As if you didn't date a professional violinist." He rolled his eyes. "Anyways, since I know that you love music, I want your opinion."

She immediately explained her feelings of the song to him. She got so worked up just by hearing it even though she was a little serious before it happened.

"You better start playing the violin, I can tell you really miss it." He said and kissed her temple. "Anyways, I gotta get going. I'm leaving at midnight. Bye, Kahoko."

She watched him walk away. She blinked and pondered about this time in her life when neither of the men most important to her would be around.

"Bye, Kiriya."

* * *

How was it? I'm starting to notice that the quality of the story is getting lower and lower. Do you think so? Anything you'd guys want me to write about? I need ideas.

Has anyone ever sang or played something for you? It's happened to me a few times because of my friends.

I re-read some of my old chapters. I realized how much wrong spelling I have. I'm off to edit~

**What happens next? After a few days, there awaits a surprise for Kahoko! Both good and bad!** :O What is it?


	19. Please Stay With Me

Walking through the crowd, Kahoko pressed her bag closer to her fearing pickpockets would steal something from her. It was a weekend so there was no work. She smiled at how similar work and school were. She wouldn't call it work, actually. She'd call it a hobby.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She couldn't hear the ring tone because of the loud chatters of the different passers-by; be it teenage girls gossiping, older women fretting over meetings and even two kids talking about the latest music. She hadn't heard any of the latest songs yet because of her focus with the violin. She had been playing almost the whole day and even made a mini band with Kazuki, Shoko and Ryotaro. They would meet up sometime in the week through text and play for people in the park and even in the mall.

Kahoko had grown her hair, similar to her old hairstyle back in High School; only now it was flatter and she looked more mature. Kazuki and Ryotaro had commented on it loads of times, telling her she was pretty. Of course she easily dodged the compliments, turning red and pressing her lips together a lot. She had even taken a picture of herself with Mio and Nao with her new hair, posing with a kissy face and pouted lips and posted it on her blog. Kiriya even 'faved' it.

She hasn't seen the two boys since a week ago. It was hard to accept it because she had gotten used to carrying the world on her shoulders and now she felt free. It felt like every single second she felt she was being unproductive. There was nothing else she could do than practice her violin and release all the pressure she felt through the strings.

After walking through the zoo of people, she finally made it back to her familiar neighborhood, although she was still slightly far from her house. Her walking speed slowed as she entered the most familiar street with the big house she could consider her second home: Len's street.

She walked toward the gate with complete silence, only hearing the sounds her stiletto heels made. She stared up at Len's window, reminiscing the days she spent there alone.

Passing the house quietly, she made her way back to her house, noticing for the first time, a road she hadn't seen before. She would remember to bring someone along with her there if she would want to explore. Kazuki would be the best candidate since he would suspect why she would go there the least, but she would feel safer with Ryotaro around, height and build-wise, even if Kazuki DID have a good body… Not that.. she'd been checking him out. They went out with all their friends once a few months ago on the beach.

"Mom, I'm back. Did anyone call me from the juku?" she said, taking her shoes off.

"Oh yes, one of the female teachers. She told me to tell you that you should call her back ASAP."

She made her way to the phone and called. It was her day-off today to do chores for her mother.

"Hello? … Yes, this is Hino Kahoko... Why?... What's wrong with my desk, did something happen?"

She hurried back out, yelling that she'll be back soon. What happened to her desk? Did someone vandalize it? Break it? _Burn_ it? She got into her car and drove as fast as she could, staying still under the speed limit.

"What happened to my desk?" Kahoko asked quietly as soon as she got in, being sensitive to the classes that went on.

"Nothing. Someone just left a box. I can't open it." Said one of the teachers nonchalantly.

_Can't open it?_ Kahoko walked to her desk and there was a small tin box. You could only open it through a code containing six digits. _Who is this from?_

Her phone suddenly buzzed in her pocket.

"**Do you remember your anniversary date? When is it?" **Etou texted.

Her eyes flew open. Why would Etou ask this? She looked back at the tin box and put it in her bag. She thanked everyone and wished the students good luck.

She descended the steps to the parking lot. As she set foot on the rocky floor, she noticed the tree with a swing and instantly remembered Len. _(Chapter 2)_ She walked to the tree and sat on the swing, inputting her anniversary date on the box's code lock.

It instantly unlocked. Slowly, she opened it. It contained a piece of paper.

**I miss you.**

**L.**** T.**

**P.S Wear something nice tomorrow, I'll pick you up.**

* * *

"I really appreciate you coming over, guys." Kahoko said, smiling. She watched her three friends making a mess in her room, figuring out what she should wear for her "date" with Len.

"What is with that Tsukimori, suggesting something vague." Nao muttered bitterly.

"Define nice, Kaho-chan." Mio asked.

Amou and Fuyuumi kept quiet, looking for nice outfits. This wasn't the first time they looked for clothes together.

Nao and Mio just sat on her bed, waiting for the two to find an outfit already. Mio was best at make-up and Nao was best at hair.

"Kahoko, you really need to go shopping. I cannot believe you didn't go shopping when you went out with Etou!" Amou exclaimed.

"Why?" she asked.

"Don't 'why?' me. These dresses are too old! Don't you have anything new at all?"

There was a knock on the door.

"Girls, may I borrow Kahoko for five minutes?"

"What's up, Mom?" Kahoko asked as she followed her downstairs.

Her mother got her glasses and read a card.

"Kahoko, remember the dresses we modeled together with?"

Hino waited some more. "That's—that's all that's written there?" she asked, getting the note from her.

"There's quite a large package there by the door. I could only pull it until there." said Mrs. Hino, pointing near the door.

Kahoko walked toward it and knelt down on both knees as she opened the box. There was another letter on top of different clothes.

"The dress Tsukimori bought for you is here. Sorry again.. about that day.." was scribbled on the paper. She couldn't mistake that handwriting.

She pulled out the clothes and there were the dresses she modeled in and loved! The sexy black dress during her first shoot with Etou, then a sassy cream mini dress with one-inch straps then a bubble hem and a ruched skirt, and three more dresses, including what Len bought. Beneath the dresses were two pairs of heels matching with at least two of the dresses.

She was shocked. Etou had taken the trouble to give her these? Paid for four of them, shipped them here? But why?

She remembered his text before opening the tin box. Could he be helping her patch things up with Len?

She called the girls down and surprised them with the sudden gift. Her mother left them alone and started calling Kahoko's older sister that they could eat out tomorrow night because Kahoko had a date.

"Ne, Kaho-chan! Who is this from? You must be really close with whoever it is!" said Mio. Nao, Nami and Shoko all nodded in agreement.

She just smiled as suddenly her mind could only see Etou's face, encouraging her to go through with this. She hated herself, unable to pay him back properly and in the way he wanted. She got her phone and texted him.

"**Etou Kiriya.. I really wish I cud have fallen in love w u in**** another life.. Thank u 4 everything. I luv**** you!"**

* * *

The next day, her friends came to Kahoko's house and had lunch in her house. After Hino showered, they began to work. Amou and Shoko had trouble choosing over the cream mini dress and the dress that Len had paid for. They all decided that the dress Len bought was too much of a prom/party dress so in the end, they all agreed to go safe with the cream mini dress. There begins the girls' makeover for Kahoko. Since Kahoko still had her full bangs, Nao neatly and tightly braided small locks of her hair at the sides leading to the back where she made it into a bun. After sticking in clips here and there, she added a hair accessory that looked like a real hibiscus flower. On both sides of her hair nearest to her face, she let some hair fall loose and curled those tendrils so that it would give him a chance to get a good look at her bare neck. Mio only applied natural make-up; the down-to-earth Hino Kahoko would never say she was pretty so Mio added some eyeliner and mascara and didn't add too much lip gloss, knowing Len and Hino alone, their lips would also make contact, she giggled to herself.

"Okay Kahoko, stand up!" Nami ordered.

They stared at Kahoko with pure pride. Mio and Nao thought: _Yep, I did that._

"W-what?" she asked, feeling shy.

"You look younger!" Mio exclaimed.

For a second Hino felt flabbergasted. "I—I am not that old, Mio! We're the same age!"

They all laughed. It was nearly 3:20pm so they still had time to pick shoes. Although honestly, Hino did not know what the big deal was with shoes sometimes. She was REALLY interested in fashion, but not to the extent that she would get herself thinking/wasting her time by wondering which went better, black 5-inch high heels with a ruched strap around the ankles or golden 4-inch stiletto with multi straps around the toe, one around the heel and one around the ankle.

The doorbell sounded and all the girls scrambled to look out the window. It wasn't Len, but some dude wearing formal clothes.

"Who is that?" one of them asked.

"That's Jonty, Len's agent." She replied. She went ahead and took the gold shoes and put them on, knowing with 100% confidence that it went best with cream colored outfits.

She made her way down the steps with her friends right behind her. Her mom stopped her to tease. "You're growing up faster than onee-chan." She giggled.

"Everyone, thank you so much for helping me out today; even though it's not that big of a deal.."

"Shut up Kahoko and just go!" they all said and pushed her out of the house.

She closed the door and approached Jonty at the gate.

"Hello, Jonty~ Long time no see." She said with a sincere smile on her face.

He smiled back. "I'm glad to have you back, 'Mrs.—'"

"DON'T say it.." she chuckled, putting a finger over his lips. He laughed as he let her in the car.

"You look too pretty, Kaho-san." Jonty commented as they drove to Len's house.

_Too pretty? _She cocked her head to the side, scared that she might have overdressed. "Is—is it too much?"

Jonty eased her worries a little. "If that was the case, I wouldn't have come to pick you up in a suit."

She smiled, but wondered why Jonty was more easy-going than usual. Talking to him was like they were friends way back when, even through the truth was that he never smiled much, being too strict with Len's promotions and overall, job. Kahoko had convinced herself there wouldn't be another chance to ask him so she forced herself to speak up.

"Hey Jonty? Why are you so.. friendly all of a sudden?"

She could hear him smiling as he spoke. "I realized what a mess it is without you. So I'd rather not scare you with my business attitude."

'_What a mess it is without you'?_ There had never been any instance she was involved with him other than being Len's girlfriend..

OH.

"So.. where are we going?" she asked after a while. They had passed by Len's house, the school; it seemed to be someplace far.

"Mmm, well, Len told me not to tell you but it's just a small gathering."

"A party?"

"You'll see."

They arrived at a very tall building where she wasn't very familiar with the place. Jonty left the car to the valet and escorted her in and as they entered the elevator. She was shocked as she saw over forty floors. Jonty picked the 22nd and off they went.

Exiting the elevator, they turned right. It felt like an "older people" prom.

Kahoko walked inside and looked around. She was about to ask a question but Jonty was not beside her. She started to panic, but not visibly. She knew nobody in there; Len was most likely here, hopefully.

Some people looked at her as if she were rare to see, not exactly glares or smitten stares but curious gazes. She made eye-contact with a few people without intending to. She had no other option but to smile. She felt relieved as they smiled back, others raising their glass to her. A man who seemed slightly older than her approached her.

"Wow, your dress is very nice. Why don't you go get some wine or find a partner to dance with?" he said amiably, pointing toward the people ballroom dancing.

She smiled at him. "Thank you, but I lost my companion so I think I'll wait here for a while."

The man bowed. "Well then, you are welcome here—Oh, I think your companion has found you." He said, pointing behind her.

She looked behind her; a handsome fellow with nice clothes. Sleek tuxedo shoes and a black tie.

"You're here.." she almost whispered, stunned.

Len smiled and gently extended his hand, indirectly asking her to dance with him. She grinned. She liked to dance.

"When did you fly here?" she asked, looking him in the eyes with a smile.

"A day ago. I actually refused to go to this party."

"What made you change your mind?"

"…A friend."

She cocked her head to the side. "Why did you invite me?"

They stopped moving at the same time when the music paused, Len spun her around into a dip, holding the small of Hino's back, unable to resist looking at her neck, and started waltzing again.

"Didn't you read my note?" he asked. _I miss you_.

The music shifted to something slower so Kahoko's hands went to the back of his neck and Len's hands shifted down to her hips; their distance slightly closer.

She looked down, trying to hide her silent laughter from her nervousness and embarrassment. The comfortable silence didn't go on too long when he kissed her cheek. She looked up at him, surprised. Her blush apparent.

"I forgot to say you look beautiful." He whispered in her ear.

"Honestly, Len, you're not good being corny." She joked.

"At least I mean it." He said, kissing her temple.

After swaying to the slow music, the music suddenly became more upbeat, so Len led Hino to his table and watched most of the young adults dance, noticing the other older adults, married, seated.

"How were you able to open the box, though?" he asked.

It took a second before she knew what he was talking about. "Oh, that one. Et—Eto.. something just reminded me of it." She smiled guiltily. She was glad that Etou and 'eto' (umm) sounded alike. She can't tell Len any more about Kiriya.

They both watched talented dancers go on the floor, some couples started to get competitive as they switched turns to dance. Len figured it would be the best time to get some fresh air.

He stared at her. "You don't have to keep watching if you don't want to."

She looked at him, surprised. She wouldn't admit it but he had read her mind. They weren't really doing anything but watch; it was entertaining, but she would rather have done something than just sit and watch. They stood up and greeted the host, then went on their way.

"So we're going home now, Len?"

"Not yet. I just want to take a breather, if that's alright." He said as they entered the elevator.

"Okay. Can we go to the fountain?"

He smiled. "Sounds fun."

It was strange being in that elevator alone with Len. She felt awkward. Why? Maybe because the music in the elevator wasn't just something that sounded like video game background music; and maybe that song was entitled 'Please Stay With Me', a song that perfectly expressed how Hino had always felt every single time Len wasn't around.

_I know you're holding back your emotions, but please don't become curt __because words eventually become the truth. I can't hear pride or talent; It can't end up as nothing but a dream. Tell me one thing, and then two. If I say 'I miss you', Will that hurt you? Though I'm crying..._

The second Len started to fidget lightly, Hino knew that the same thing was on his mind. As she the song went on with such sentimental lyrics, she started remembering the times when she needed Len the most. Her eyes started to water. Even though Kiriya was always there for her every time he was gone, he wasn't the guy she was waiting for. She turned 180 degrees away from Len to hide and to stop her tears from falling. Even though it's just a song about missing someone, those were the times when it was hard for her to bear. For one, Len had been gone for half a year and she saw on the news all the beautiful women he met. Sometimes he wouldn't mention her when asked about home, and she would feel disappointed.

"Are you alright?" he asked, trying to get a look at her face.

"Fine." She said, thanking that the elevator doors opened just in time. She went out first heading toward the large fountain in front of the hotel. There were a few people hanging there, one girl who was listening to her iPod, an old couple and a mother and her 4-year-old son. She stood there at the side of the large, circular fountain, looking up at the stars, waiting for him.

He made his way beside her and looked down in the fountain. There were some coins at the bottom and he tried to dip his hand in to feel the coldness of the water. Unexpectedly, it was warm. He straightened up and flicked the dripping water from his fingers.

When he looked at Hino, he caught her staring at him.

"What?"

She took a moment before replying. "You were smiling. I was just surprised."

"Tch." He said playfully and sat down. Hino followed suit.

They were quite for a while, both just taking in the ambience and the smell of the running water. Sometimes they would point to the woman and her son because the kid would start laughing as he played with the fountain water.

Hino stared at the grassy and flowery scenery that bordered the fountain's area.

She felt Len's gaze on her and she started to laugh.

"Go ahead and talk. Stop staring at me." She blushed.

He shifted his position and sat crossed leg. "I hope you enjoyed the dancing even a little."

She gave a cute smile. "Yes, I did. But why that of all other things?"

Len looked a little shy. "Well.. I just wanted to relive our prom days. To start over."

A big blush touched her features. "W-what brought that on?" she started to cover her cheeks.

He couldn't exactly reply because the words in his head just flew into a mess. He couldn't make sense of it in his mind.

Again, noticing her light make-up made him feel happy. He liked everything she wore, her hair, her dress. He knew her friends helped her out. They always did, and they knew exactly what he liked to see on Kahoko. He started to move closer to her, Hino freezing in place, as if staring at his lips was like a spell. As soon as their lips made contact, immediately Kahoko's eyes closed, in pleasure and contentment.

For how long did she miss these lips on hers? She felt that he didn't really want to make-out in public, considering that there was a child on the other side so they broke it off short but sweet.

"Is it alright if I see you again?" He asked.

Her expression shifted from surprise to a smile. "Of course! Why are you even asking?"

Len turned silent and looked down, his face firm and serious.

"Len?"

He blinked, took a deep breath and whispered. "I figured that you preferred him over me."

"Him..? _Kiriya?"_ She gasped. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing would come out. Why couldn't she say anything? She couldn't deny or agree to it. Why?

"You still like him, don't you?" He asked; his face unreadable.

She pursed her lips. "I don't know what to say."

He chuckled. "He can take care of you. You can go out with him."

Immediately, she put her hands on his neck and met his eyes. "What are you talking about! Don't you know why I'm not with him much now?"

"No.."

Suddenly, Hino blushed. What situation did she just get herself into! She couldn't just say 'I'm still in love with you! Take me back!' and explain the heavy words she told Kiriya before. She felt guilty to tell him that for some reason.

"But I do know why we're both here tonight." He said after waiting.

"Yeah, you asked me."

"No. **He** convinced me."

"What..?"

**~END~**

* * *

I apologize for being late.. again. Considering it's summer here. I have frequent family reunions because my grandmother came to the house.

Waah! Hino's suspicion of Etou helping them get back together has been confirmed! But why? And Len even said she could date him instead! What's going to happen next?

**What's happening?; the next chapter:**

**Etou's tour takes really long to compensate for his 1-year-long hiatus. But just because he's working hard doesn't mean he can't keep tabs on Hino and Len! They go out on more and more dates since his tour goes on for months. Len and Etou are both helping each other: what exactly is their relationship?**

… I was gonna add another thing but I think it's too much of a spoiler.. :D Please review and tell me what you think would happen next? :3

By the way, 'Please Stay With Me' is a real song by Japanese singer/actress YUI. Want to listen to it? :3 I'm sort of addicted to her music.


	20. Do I love you

"I start to wonder if Len really misses me, you know?" Kahoko told her sister as soon as she got home.

"Why do you think that? He **did** say he misses you, stupid."

"Hey, come on! He told me I can date Kiriya. That's not like Len. At least, not like before." She said, in deep thought, still holding a knife and an apple in hand as they were both cutting up fruits and veggies for a healthy midnight snack complete with a movie.

"'Not like before'? I take it that he wanted you all to himself, then? And now he's letting you choose Etou?" she asked, cutting carrots in small, thin pieces.

She paused. "…I guess? I don't know anymore."

Her sister chuckled. "Loosen up, girl! Who knows, maybe Len's got some surprise for you. Come on, let's go watch." She said, bringing the plate and a tray to the living room. Hino filled their glasses; one with ice and the other one without.

"Kaho, can we watch 'Blood' instead?"

"NO! We agreed to watch Scooby-Doo 2!"

* * *

***:.****｡****. **_**Kahoko's new diary**_** .****｡****.:***

_Hmm__.. it's been weeks now that Len and I have kept in touch. _

_..Funny. 'Kept in touch'. Well, we have been dating.. wow it's so weird to write this down. =.=_

_We've been to at least 8 formal dates already and few informal on__es. I do wonder if Etou's still telling Len what to do._

_Sigh. Should I still think about Kiriya? I did say I still loved Len but.. why is Kiriya doing this for me? It makes me think about him more. T_T_

_Every single date__, me and Len… What other word is there for kiss? Whenever it happens, I just want to collapse or lie down and have him hold me. I try not to let that happen because one thing might lead to another.._

"_Winter" is the name of our 'band'. I do wonder why it was named Winter. Ryo, Kazuki and Shoko are all part of it. I go with them every Friday afternoon in the park. I_

"..What else should I write?" she asked herself. She didn't want the new notebook to go to waste so she wrote the things that have happened the past few weeks.

Her phone rang. It was from Kazuki.

_Kaho-chan, there's no performance this Fri. go__t vacation w family and Ryo has a date with Mori. She's becoming Ryo's nightmare! I wonder why he can't break up w her? Haha C U soon!_

She stared at the text and back at her diary. 'I' was the last word she wrote. What is she going to write next?

…_I miss Etou__ Kiriya._

She didn't think that the next few pages would become a letter for Etou.

* * *

**"**Hey, Kiriya, why are you doing this to me?

Every time I'm with you, every time we talk, I don't know what to say. All I can do is laugh nervously. Now that we don't talk much, I'm so drawn to you. I remember the small things that happened between us. You're not replying to my texts or my emails, all the more I think of you.

What are you thinking? What are you doing? Who are you meeting? Why did you convince Len to ask me out? Why do I have so many questions I need answered? I don't want to over think, nor do I want to think less about it because if I did, I'm scared that what I'm feeling will go away..

Before all this, you always told me your secrets. If not in all detail, just enough for me to be satisfied. You're sweet, smart, wise and handsome. You've seen my outbursts every time you tease me to no end. Why is it so easy to lose my temper with you? But saying that.. it's not even a bad thing.. Why do I feel safe about it? WHY DO YOU CONFUSE ME?

Why are you helping Len? I thought you wanted me to forget him? I can hear you saying those cliché words: 'I want you to be happy.' But I know there's another reason. I wonder if you knew how much it would affect me.

I'm not going to change my mind.. I'm not going to let you seduce me into thinking.. Wait a minute, how is it possible that you can seduce me without doing anything?

Ha.. You really know how to keep yourself in someone's min-**"**

"Hey."

Hino instantly stopped writing and looked behind her.

She smiled as she saw Len. She closed the notebook and hugged him. "Welcome back."

He hugged her back and kissed her hair, smelling it at the same time.

"Is he still telling you what to do?" she asked him.

"Who?"

She paused, looked up at him. "What do you mean 'who'? Kiriya! He told you to ask me out, right?"

"Oh, that. Why are you still thinking about him?" he asked as he let go of her and hung his coat on the coat rack. "He's only told me to do it four times."

"Four? So that means our other dates.."

"I asked you because I wanted to."

She looked at him, surprised. The heat went to her cheeks, then she pursed her lips and looked down.

She heard his small laugh.

"Did you really think that I, Mr. Perfect, would take orders and directions from someone else?" he asked her, sitting on the bed, staring at her, looking quite handsome in casual clothes.

She stood up smiling and joined him, cuddling.

"I'm sorry about last time.. I knew that you hated being called Mr. Perfect. I just didn't think you'd take it hard.." she said quietly, her eyes tearing up. The thought of their fight got her emotional.

He kissed the bridge of her nose, then her cheek then lower beside her lips.

Feeling his lips near her, she kissed him back. He rolled to the side, making her go on top of him.

It had been a long time not being in Kahoko's old apartment, Len thought. He better not do anything funny…

"Hey." He blurted out.

"What?" she said too quickly. He surprised her.

He paused.

"Nothing, never mind."

"What? Come on! What did you want to say?"

He sighed. "See that jewelry box? Get it. Do not shake it." He said, pointing to her desk.

She looked to the side, Len brought a jewelry box? Weird. She got up and brought the white jewelry box. "What is it with you and boxes?"

He ignored her.

She sat back on the bed then Len sat up. She looked at him, waiting.

"Open it."

As she did so, there were so many rings she couldn't count. There was a ruby ring, emerald, plain silver ones, gold, so much! She grinned.

"Where did you get all these rings, Len? Wow!"

He smiled. "Choose one."

Her grin faded. "…Just one?"

He glared at her.

She just laughed.

Choosing was hard. There was so much it practically filled the box! She saw a cute ring with a pink gem in it. "Can I get this one?"

"No. Keep looking."

She glowered at him, confused and irritated.

She dumped all of the rings on the bed and decided to look at everything. The mountain of jewelry glistened under the light.

"There is only **one** ring I'm going to give you. It's really cute, I promise."

"The one I chose was cute!" she yelled in agitation.

He scoffed. "Not cute enough."

"Sigh, you have not taste at all.." she mumbled.

As she searched, a paper attached to a ring caught her eye.

It was a diamond ring. 'Will you marry me?' was scribbled there.

Her jaw dropped.

He laughed, but then choked after Kahoko hit him.

"How cliché can you get, you weirdo!"

"…W-what?"

"Stupid! Any of these rings could have been engagement rings. Why didn't you let me get the cute one I wanted?" she pouted.

"O-okay, so.. can you answer my question?" he asked sincerely. He looked like he was anticipating her answer.

Her eyes suddenly went wider. She gulped, her lips pressed together. She couldn't answer. Why couldn't she answer? Because a name flashed in her mind.

You could probably guess who it was without her saying it.

Len smiled sadly at her speechlessness, he knew.

"See? I told you. Give it up. Go and date him already." He said, kissing her on the temple then standing up to leave and getting his coat. He didn't come back for all those rings.

She couldn't do anything but watch agape.

"WHAT!" she burst out.

"I couldn't have been wrong about who I love!" she told herself, enraged. "Who is he to tell me who I love? I chose him! I even told Kiriya what I felt!" she yelled. Her tears fell down her cheeks, her nose beet red and her mind? Well… a mess.

_Why is he doing this? I love him! I do!_

She paused as she thought those words.

"…Do I?"

* * *

Can I surprise you? I might end the story very soon..

Honestly, did you expect Len to do this? ^^ Sorry for the OOCness...


	21. Quick Consideration

Thinking after what seemed to be... a really short time, she stood up and shut her noisy mouth up. These two men always messed with her head.

But that was it.

It's really irritating how the mind can block everything out. Over thinking can really fog up the path to the truth, but sometimes it can open a new path. But when is it a good thing? We'll never know the real truth, and neither can we be completely sure of our will and where it may take us. Kahoko's eyes quickly hit the door. It was open. She didn't remember hearing any door close. Not one.

Was Len still here?

She scrambled out of the room, hope still in her heart. She loved Len. She always has. What was Kiriya to her? A special friend.. One she didn't intend to lose. And by 'lose', she meant she didn't want him gone from her life.. and she didn't want his 'special friend' status to become something else.

She forgot she was still wearing her lion slippers. The fabric can make the floor quite slippery which would make it twice as dangerous as she ran down the stairs.

"Len!" she yelled, grabbing tightly the rail. As if that could stop her from getting hit if she fell.

She already knew it was coming, so why did she still insist on rushing into this danger? She can almost hear Len angrily warning her how she could injure herself and lose her ability to play the violin. That scared her. If she had lost everything in the world, the violin would be her comfort. Without it, she would be lost. There wouldn't be any reason to live. Would she risk meeting random people on the street?

Her foot missed a step and if she couldn't grab on to something, she would land with a very painful, vertical split on the stairs. If you would imagine that, you would be hitting your… ahem.

"Whoa!" Len yelled and caught her by the waist. He was suddenly thankful that the stairs were remade into a curving staircase otherwise he wouldn't have been able to catch her at the right time. "W-what on earth are you doing?"

Instinctively, Kahoko's arms wrapped around Len's neck for fear he could lose his balance. He pulled her up easily, and her legs wrapping around him helped, too.

Her eyes were shut tight, thankful he never left. But why didn't he leave? She didn't say anything, just...holding him. There is no one else she would marry. Questions suddenly pop up out of nowhere. 'Why did you realize this only now?' 'Were you always an idiot?'

"Uhm.. Kahoko?" he asked awkwardly, standing there, not sure if he should keep supporting her by her bottom.

"Yes."

He paused. Was that a question or a statement? "What?"

"I'm saying yes. Let's get married."

His eyes flew open. "You're kidding me, right?"

Her grip around his neck loosened up completely as she leaned backward to look at his face. "Why would you think that?"

He seemed the chuckle through his nose as if it was such an obvious matter. "You can't move on like this. I knew how you were going to react when I told you that. You would lock yourself up and think it over—"

"I know, I realize that I do that every time you say something so mind-boggling about our relationship. I would laugh, but I don't feel very happy with myself."

Len had a confused look on his face, his eyebrows meeting, making a crease on his forehead. He set her down on the couch and sat on the chair opposite to her.

"Would you care to explain?"

"I can't say.. It's.. I realize I'm really slow, stupid, and even oblivious. Being your girlfriend was a big plus because you always noticed the small things first. You're like a lawyer, you can tell something's up when it's right there." She said, looking at him proudly. "But me? I can't! I never could. I figured I could learn from you so I emulate your ways of handling situations that seem to get out of hand, and you barely need any time to realize things but I do. I need loads of time. Am I some sort of s—"

"Don't say that." He cut in, irritated.

"H-huh?"

"Do you suddenly hate yourself now? What are you so ashamed of?" he said, sounding like he was accusing her. "You know, I was called to a hospital once and when I came, all the nurses and doctors came to me smiling, even excited. I didn't know what was going on and when I entered a room, it was filled with children that had down syndrome, microcephaly, children with abnormal growth, and some that couldn't even live that long." He paused, suddenly thankful there was a glass of water on the table, taking a sip.

"When I came in, they all looked at me, they all smiled. Others burst out, others smiled, others cried. You couldn't believe what I felt. They wanted to meet me. My presence made their spirits so lifted. They would talk about you, too. Saying how you were the luckiest girl in the world. I may sound like I'm boasting how 'awesome' I am and how people love me, but Kahoko, remember that there's room for change. You're not the only one suffering here, and others are actually going through worse." He finished. He didn't think he was capable of saying something like that but it just escaped his mouth. He noticed Kahoko was trying not to cry.

He sighed and made his way over to her and embraced her.

Muttering 'I'm sorry', he smiled at her and kissed the corner of her mouth. When she felt that, she pressed her lips to his.

"If I could have just said.." she said in between kisses. "what I felt when we weren't talking," she kissed him some more. "if I asked you to love me and come to me, what would you have done?"

"I did it without you even asking." he said and continued.

"But Kiriya told you to do it." she muttered. If Kiriya never asked him to, would they even be in the apartment together?

As things started to get heated up, someone knocked on the door. The both of them reacted as if they were already caught, which got them alert and jumpy. Len ran up the stairs and hid as ordered by Kahoko who was already answering the door.

* * *

"IS IT TRUE?" Amou yelled at her, despite the fact that they haven't met very so often these past weeks.

"Oh, hi Nami." Kahoko replied nonchalantly. She was quite used to this, being the boyfriend of a rising—Oh, well, let's not get our heads bigger.

"I'm not kidding, Kaho. I have you surrounded!" she dramatically said, even expressing it with a magician's stance when he pulls out a rabbit from the hat, although she held her camera instead of a bunny. 'Tada!'

"Nami, can I sleep?" she asked tiredly, which wasn't even an act.

"Not until I get what I—"

"—came here for. I get it, can we please do this some other time?"

Amou hesitated. "You're hiding something." She smiled smugly, pointing and trying to look up the stairs. Hino wouldn't let her in, though.

"Oh shut up, Nami. You're just as persistent as the old lady who borrows my books and tells me about her 'wonderful past as a young, sexy woman'." She said, rolling her eyes.

Amou didn't react for two seconds, then suddenly she laughs. "Okay, I didn't know how to take that so I thought for a moment, haha." She said. As she turned around to leave, she suddenly stormed in, pushing Kahoko to the side.

"Sorry, babe! But I SAW Len go in here! We need to clear up the rumors~"

She figured it'd be good for the world to know, but what if they see the engagement ring? Scratch that, engagement _**rings**_. Well, let them be surprised.

But what if Kiriya saw them? What would he do? She asked herself why she didn't feel nervous. Since when has she felt sure of herself? Although she should be feeling safe with her decisions, it scared her more to find out the 'compensation' she'll be getting. If it's all ying, there should be yang, right?

But that's not the problem. The problem is Len is in her ROOM! Nami is totally going to get the wrong—what is a camera man doing in here?

"Nami, Nami! Why is there a camera man in here?"

"I told you! I have you surrounded! BTW, there's a camera CREW." She said, making her way up.

She ran to the stairs and tried to block Amou. "Wait! Wait! I have to clean my room!"

Amou put her hands on her hips, both an annoyed and anticipating expression on her face. "You guys did something, didn't you?"

"Shut up!" she said and went inside, locking the door. She noticed Len just casually reading notes beside the mountain of jewelry on the bed.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked, putting the rings back in the jewelry box.

"Studying?" he said, crossing his feet.

"Thank goodness I have a pick-lock with me! Hino-san, I am coming IN!" Amou yelled and opened.. well, more like threw open the door.

They just stared at her and the camera man. Amou smiled, got her microphone and faced the camera. "Okay, ready for business?"

"We're on in 3, 2.." the cameraman said, motioning the other people to come in, microphone, extra light, the works. Even Hino and Tsukimori acted professional. Acting quite casual.

"Hello viewers, this is Amou Nami speaking and right now, we are in the very apartment of Tsukimori Len's current girlfriend! We are here today to ask about the rumors and clarify if they are true or not!" she said, charisma and confidence not only in her actions, but also in her words. She wasn't reading a script at all. Amou stepped aside and let the cameraman give the viewers a visual of the room.

"There they are, Tsukimori-sama, as nonchalant as usual and our pretty Hino-san, smiling at us." The camera zoomed in on her face.

"Hey, Hino-san. Thank you for letting us in today!"

She giggled. "Sure thing."

"Now tell us, why in the world did you on a tour with Etou Kiriya? There are rumors that you and Len broke up because Etou-sama kissed you! What do you have to say to that?"

"Well, to be honest, Kiriya is someone I admire very much. Me and Len never broke up."

Amou hesitated. "But then why did you go on tour with him? Don't you think Len would never have approved?"

"Well, like he said, not everything I do has to do with him. Kiriya just gave me a chance to do things I've never done before. It was my first time out of the country, we even modeled together but I met Len in London anyway so everything was fine."

"Cut!" yelled the director. "Okay, let's upload that now ASAP. Get the other tape and let's interview Tsukimori. Amou-san, you're going to have to read your script." He said and started to instruct the editors and other people.

"Wow, we're really on a set now." Hino whispered to herself. She looked at Len but he was still 'studying'. She didn't know what he was doing at all.

After the interview, they soon caught on tape the mountain of rings on the bed. Kahoko just blushed and couldn't say anything so Len had to explain.

"I'm sure you all understand, but I gave her a bunch of rings. That's it." He said, showing only his eyes as he used the booklet to hide the rest of his face. Kahoko tried to stifle a laugh. He hated talking mushy although Kahoko was an exception.

"Ohohoho! If we ask Hino-san to explain, would it be the same explanation?" she asked, teasing.

Len just covered his face in embarrassment, the entire crew laughed, especially Amou. "Wow! Even Tsukimori-sama has his cute side!" she exclaimed and turned to Hino.

But Kahoko explained the same thing. She said yes, but Len never reacted specially. He didn't even take it seriously. He only used it as proof to show her she wanted Etou more. But there was a difference between 'like' and 'love'. Even though both of them explained vaguely, Amou and the crew all knew. For now, they'll say they are 'allegedly engaged'. But once that was broadcasted, some people celebrated, people of the 'KahoKiri' fanclub expressed their grief, but someone in particular didn't like the fact that they were engaged. Having called it 'alleged' didn't make a difference for him.

Because it was not part of the plan.

**~END~**

* * *

Kahoko realizes that there's a possibilty Len wouldn't have proposed to her if Kiriya hadn't convinced Len to date her again. But the reason why he told him to is still not clear.

Is Kahoko's supposed 'sureness' the truth? Or is it the only thing she wants to believe? Has this become a matter of pride, unable to take back her word? Will the 'alleged' engagement become the truth? Will Len show more excitement for the marriage or does he know that Etou might do something about it?

What do you guys think? I wonder if Kiriya Etou's got it in him to ruin a marriag-err, engagement. {No, that wasn't a spoiler. :P}


	22. Came for you

"Hey, Len."

Len looked at her from the corner of his eye in the car. He was bringing her home from work, since apparently she only walked and it started to rain. What was she thinking? It was quite a long walk and she still wore those heels. Len seemed to be in a bad mood more than usual. Right now he was slumped on the chair with his hand covering his seemingly agitated face.

"Are you okay? You've been so worked up since awhile ago."

He glanced at her—if you could really call it that—and then quickly looked out the window. "Work."

Her eyes narrowed. Lame excuse. Len never had to worry about anything because it's all Jonty's job. The only thing Len has to worry about is composition and playing. That's never ever been a problem for him.

He seemed to 'secretly' look at her hands neatly placed on her lap. She wasn't wearing the ring.

He sighed; in disappointment or relief? No one could tell.

Kahoko moved nearer to him, sitting on the space where the arm rest would usually be. She lightly tugged on him, trying to act cute (although she knew he absolutely hated it). "C'mon Lennie, don't be so angry.." she said in a higher voice, making a pouty face and the biggest weapon: her eyes.

He looked at her as if she was crazy but unexpectedly, he relaxed from his weird surprise and went back to being worried. "Are you really interested in becoming my wife?"

Her eyes went wider at that, for the question and his suddenly soft reaction. Wife. Why does that sound so odd? Marriage is almost.. normal for her. Probably because she's talked about it too much in the past, to interviewers, her family, her friends, and slightly.. Len. Everyone says planning the wedding would have a lot of fights over opinion, so they say compromise. Len would certainly be a big help in getting everything done, since he's got the budget money—wait, they're not even sure they're getting married! Whatever Len's hiding is probably the reason he would hesitate; she should have a reason as well since she hesitated just now. She knows he loves her, she knows she loves him. She realized that when she let Etou kiss her that night, before things took the turn for the worse. For her, anyway.

"Kaho? Are you still with me?" he asked her. She daydreamed a bit.

"W-what—Ah, yes. The question. Umm, well, wait. Umm, maybe, no I think so. It sounds really weird but um, no, I mean—"

He laughed. "There you are! The missing Kahoko! These days you're just quiet and think it over. I miss your old babbling and blushing." He said with a grin, teasing her.

"Tsukimori-sama. You have a call." Said the driver, handing him his cellphone which was on the passenger's front seat, where Len sat before finding Kahoko ducking uselessly in the splashing rain. One of the reasons he picked her up was because she was wearing white. When white clothing is wet, it usually becomes translucent, which could make you look quite.. bare.

She watched him talk on the phone. At first he seemed to be pleased, almost happy, then later his look became serious as he kept denying something and trying to prove something. The he sighed, seeing that negotiating would be futile, he just talked like the normal Len. Short, precise but full of details. She could almost hear the guy's voice in the cell phone but as she listened some more, he hung up.

"Okay, we're here. I'll see you soon?" he said, as he got out, holding the car door for her.

She smiled at his gentleman gesture. "Of course." She said, giving him a short but deep kiss on the lips and went to the gate with him walking her all the way to the front door.

"Wow, it's like you just brought me on a date. It's not even night time. It's barely even 3pm." She chuckled.

He kissed her again before he left.

No one would have noticed how 'out of it' he was. But she didn't mind. Not today. She didn't want to speculate too much. She figured she would just give him some space for now, maybe understanding him more would make her love him more.

A part of her just thought 'What brought _that_ on?'. And she didn't mean Len's mood. (Her thoughts just now)

Kahoko got into her mother's house (she's ditching her apartment realizing she was farther from work than in her mom's house) and yelled her usual 'I'm home!'. There was actually another exuberant response from her mother.

"Ah, Kahoko! Welcome home! Good timing, you have a visitor."

She said, going back to the Kitchen.

Well, that's rare. Kahoko peeked through what she could see of the slightly open door as she removed her shoes. She stepped on to the cold floor and went toward the kitchen.

As she stepped in, there was no one there. Her mother then mouthed "In the bathroom" with a smile. So much for the extra suspense.

She scrunched her nose in slight frustration but went to get a banana from the table. She waited not long before the mystery person finally arrived.

And the mystery person is..?

"Oh, you're back." Kiriya said.

Her jaw dropped. "What on earth are you doing here? You're on tour, aren't you?"

He thought for moment. "Yeah, I guess."

She stared at him, waiting. He just stared back. She threw her hands up in aggravation. "Well? What are you doing in my house?"

He looked up, thinking, squinting and slightly pouting his lips. "I dunno." He said, almost like he was mocking her.

She just gaped at him in disappointment, not wanting to waste energy on useless talk where she knows Etou has the upper hand of. He did take up law by order of his foreign grandfather whom he only knew of before finishing High School.

She scanned the room, suddenly her mother had disappeared.

"Where's your mom? She said she was going to bake cookies."

She figured that her mother would spy on them. She sighed. "What are you, a kid?"

"Ooh, you're still brooding over something? Come on, be happy. The handsome knight is here~" he said, combing his hair with confidence, then winking at her.

She just stared at him, weirded out. "Why are you here?"

He opened a bottle of water. "I told you, didn't I? I don't know."

"Things happen for a reason." She said.

"Okay, then give me a possible reason."

_A reason why Etou would come over? Is he still not over me? He better be. I'm really trying to love Len properly but I can't do it if he's waiting for me to say a sweet 'yes'._

"…You still like me?"

He seemed to take that as a surprise, not expecting that answer. "Oh, uh, w-well I guess tha-that's a valid answer, but, uh, there's a better reason." He said, stuttering.

She thought some more. What could get him to fly over here, skipping his tour? Kira?

"Well, I'm done here. One of the main reasons I dropped by was, well I don't really know why I went to your house. Maybe I just wanted to see you? Anyways, bye." He said, sounding a little weird and running out the door.

Wait a minute. He heard about the wedding, didn't he?

The big room was filled with silence in the not-little-at-all residence of Tsukimori. Seated across each other in the living room with a not-regular-at-all coffee table with two expensive-looking ash trays, some sort of pot holding a fake bouquet that looked elegant and real. There no longer were maids or butlers, only a driver and a hired cleaner that came in every week. That's how it originally was, anyway. The hired people for when they were away and since Hamai Misa's been thinking of the discipline and decorum of her son, she wanted him to do things by himself and serve the visitors of his house.

"Tell me again, why you're skipping your long awaited comeback in the States and Canada?" Len asked him, slumped again on his chair, with his fingers massaging the bridge of his nose.

Kiriya crossed his legs coolly, arms crossed, staring at him. "You tell me."

"Stop acting so immature." he sighed, remembering their conversation in the car.

He just stared at him, unable to counter that statement, True, he was acting very immature about Hino and Len's alleged engagement. The very fact that he was losing her like a thin thread already being gnawed on made him feel very scared, like the cold wouldn't leave him alone which made him feel like he's the only one being left behind. Even though he's met stars from around the world that are just as nice as she is, there's no one like Kahoko.

"…Aniki." He forced out to say loud. He didn't want to admit it, but he felt like weeping his tears out.

Len looked at him with concerned eyes. Hearing him say that with that face of his, he recalled back to the days when he was in violin school, before Kiriya left. The two were inseparable, sharing their intelligence with sharp words against each other and beautiful melodies. Shinobu was like their father figure, and the two of them were brothers.

Kaji Aoi went into violin because he thought it fun. He quit after seeing Len's intense seriousness, almost like he cared nothing about the violin yet he was perfecting every single note, vibrato, variation, etc without any effort (though he thought wrong).

You could say Kiriya never had the reason to idolize Len. He was good enough as him, their skills both on par, and now, they love the same woman. Kiriya always treated Len like a rival, though they are like best friends. He hated that Len was always a step ahead, even though he had everything in the world, he wouldn't be happy because Len would always have Kahoko's heart. Even though he tried, he gave all the love he knew how to give. He blamed everything on the mistake he made during that shoot where Kahoko 'ran off' with Len. Something that wasn't solely his fault, but he still considers himself liable. Every little thing she asked, like: 'You're doing that just because you saw your idol do it?', he would feel very inferior and feel compelled to change his opinion. He knew this was a sort of peer pressure but he wanted to please her in anyway possible. She pushes him away. Why? He should remember to ask that next time..

"The engagement is alleged. Even to the both of us, it is alleged, if that makes you feel any better." Len consoled him. "You probably know why we're not exactly being forward about this."

"…Is she being slow again?"

Len chuckled. He leaned forward to reach his cup and took a sip. "Think harder."

Etou's long silence didn't help so Len gave him clues. "He's a local, he plays violin—"

"KAJI AOI?" he suddenly exclaimed.

Len glared at him as if saying 'let me finish'. "is not Kaji Aoi, he was quite self-centered, a playboy, rebel, and my... little brother."

Kiriya looked at him, touched. At first, he wondered if Len had any siblings and how irritating it was that he pointed out his flaws but.. He was glad. The most important people in his life thought about him.

"I.. never thought I'd ever hear you say that about me again."

"Do you really love Kahoko?" Len asked him, his forehead creased. Kiriya didn't know if he was joking or serious. Would Tsukimori even joke though?

He nodded. "Yes, I do."

Len's face seemed to be thinking at first, then he swallowed. "Then go after her." He sounded a bit strangled.

"A-are you su—"

"Hurry up. I'm not going to help you with this. Your reasons for helping me were only for your personal profit, were they not?" he asked him, stood up and waved goodbye.

As Kiriya closed the door, Len ran up to his room. He took a book from on of the shelves and opened it on the first page.

It was actually a scrapbook that the both of them made; pictures of them together, and their scribbles and thoughts. The first picture was during prom where they both smiled. They seemed to fill the rest of the page with writing. 'I got a famous boyfriend!' 'I got a pathetic girlfriend…' 'Hey! That wasn't funny!' 'She's sexy anyway, so I don't mind' and stuff like that. He browsed through some more and there was a picture of them in Kahoko's apartment on the couch, smiling and looking innocent. The picture under it was of them writing things in the very scrapbook he read on her bed. He laughed at that part because Kahoko scribbled at the bottom center of the page. 'My first time!' Well, you can tell what that was already.

He kept looking through it, laughing and reminiscing all those years they had together. They almost finished the entire scrapbook, except for two pages. A tear escaped his eye as he thought of what he was going to add next, without Hino's knowing. Just before that fateful model shoot where he was able to get Kahoko away from Kiriya, one of his staff took a picture of him. He kept that particular picture and now posted that on the second to the last page. A front picture of him drinking wine, showing the food on his plate and the tablecloth; but if you look behind him and squint, it was Kahoko being led by Etou as they held hands.

He scribbled on the bottom.

'I think I'm going to lose my sexy lady..' and then added on the side: 'My eyes will never leave you. You're in his capable hands now.. m(_ _)m'

* * *

Len is letting his beloved 'little brother' take the only woman he'll love. Why? He doesn't want to be selfish. He knows that Kahoko likes him, but she avoids him for some reason. Next Chapter: Will Etou succeed in getting Hino away from his 'brother'?


	23. Scared

Kiriya ran from Len's house to Kahoko's. He had no other form of transportation since he just flew here on a whim. He got there, a bit sweaty and tired, hoping for a glass of water; he rang the doorbell.

Kahoko's mom answered. "Oh, it's you!" She exclaimed and then gestured inside the house. "Cookie?"

He took a moment to remember that she was supposed to bake him cookies. "Um, no thanks, but, err, is Hino Kahoko inside?"

She looked inside the house as if it was a clear field of grass, checking if she was there. "I'm afraid not. But she did tell me that she was going to a... plaza? Or was it a park? Or was it..."

He figured her blabbing would waste some time so he very nearly ignored her and walked away.

"Ah! Somewhere where you can see a nice sunset. That's it." She said, suddenly.

Etou smiled at her and bowed quickly. "Thank you!"

As he ran again, she yelled, "Take care of my daughter!"

A park or plaza with a nice sunset? The best would probably be THAT park, where the idiot Aoi Kaji first saw her. He slowed down, forgetting to ask if he could have water. It wasn't much of a big deal to him because he would feel too rude asking someone else's mother for a glass of water. The thought that he was influential and famous didn't even cross his mind.

He was thankful that the park was not too far. It was actually on the way to Seiso if you went all the way up the slope. The stairs entering that park was at the bottom of that slope and as he looked at that park, many children were playing and there was a small band of children running around. Parents and the elderly were seated at the benches, and very few leaned on the rails to enjoy the scenery. A certain red head caught his eye.

He took a minute on the stairs to catch his breath and maybe smell his armpits to make sure he didn't stink. He was pleased with himself for keeping a small bottle of perfume.

He walked down casually, people glanced at him and whispered but nothing more. The kids ignored him. He leaned on the railing next to that girl wearing a pretty light yellow dress. As he glanced at her from the side, his suspicions were confirmed. It was a glum Kahoko staring out into the trees.

Kiriya waved his hand in front of her.

She snapped out of her reverie, noticing him only now. "Ah, Kiriya.."

"Psh, that was a sorrowful greeting." He smirked.

Instead of hitting him and yelling "Don't do that!", she just looked away.

"…You okay?"

She seemed to smile. _Seemed._ "I'm... great."

"Is it because of me?"

"No! No, oh no. It's not, I promise you. I said I feel okay."

"…Was that sarcasm or what?"

"No, really, it's… it-it's not you."

He waited for her as she continued to look sullenly at something beyond the woods that lay in the park's scenery.

He lifted his hand to tuck her hair behind her ear but she cringed away. That meant something.

"I get it. It _is_ me, I see."

"Would you cut that out?" she looked at him, annoyed. It seemed as though her eyes were red as she hit his arm.

He swallowed. "Would you tell me what's wrong? I'm serious, okay?" he said, his child-like looks seeping in.

Her lips quivered as she looked up at the sky. He noticed a glint in her eye. Why was she tearing up?

"It… It's my father."

His mouth opened slightly. That was really unexpected.

"You mean the man who left your family when you were still young?"

She nodded, her finger wiping the tears in her eyes.

"We sort of bumped into each other a two days ago, after Len's so-called 'proposal'." she said, using her hands and shaking her head for emphasis.

"…What happened?"

* * *

**June 24**

**09:22pm**

**Mini Stop Convenience Store**

Walking toward the entrance, Kahoko immediately searched for the basic things for hygiene and her mom's quick grocery list. The supermarket was much too far and as lazy as Kahoko gets, she just goes to Mini Stop. Taking a basket from the pile she walked around, picking up deodorant, pads, toothpaste, cans of food and all the other things on her list. She took up much time, deciding which had better quality until she just chose whichever looked in better shape and put it in the basket. It was time to line up to pay when the basket's handle gave way with the basket dropping along with all the other stuff. The people inside looked at her, startled from the sound. Her cheeks flushed pink out of mortification as she picked some of the scattered items. A man who was waiting in the line knelt down to help her while the elderly lady wearing fancy clothes ignored her.

"Let me help you with that." He said in his deep voice.

"Th-thank you..!" Kahoko replied, noticing the man's face. His eyes were very warm and so was his smile. His face reminded her of her brother.. She couldn't mistake that face. There was a picture in the basement of her house, a picture of her mother and this man. They were never married, but roommates or so she heard from her older brother.

She snapped out of her little trance and picked up the rest of the items and held the basket from under.

"You alright with that? Not too heavy?" he asked, smiling again.

He was a nice man... not at all like the description her brother and sister gave.

"Um excuse me..." she started. He looked at her, eyebrows up, eyes full of anticipation.

"Do you know someone named Hino Kumiko?"

For a moment, his warm face twitched. "…May I ask why?"

"You look very familiar, sir."

He chuckled. Kahoko could not shake the fact that it sounded like fake laughter.

"Ah, are you her youngest?"

She nodded. He smiled yet again. "Ah yes, Masami, right?"

Masami? That was Kahoko's older sister. Was it possible that he didn't know she was around already?

"N-no, my name is Kahoko..."

There was an awkward silence. She could hear the lady asking for this man's money for payment.

"Ah, see, I'm not close to her so I don't know much about Kumiko." He said, handing the exact amount of money and left, frowning. She stared at him, quite contradictory to what he just said. He called her by her first name.

She watched him leave without so much of a glance. That was her father, she had seen too many pictures to doubt that fact. Her father probably never knew she existed, nor did he care... Was believing that he was a good man wrong..? Was loving her father a waste of energy? She knew he married another woman but what was the real story?

"Miss? Aren'y you going to pay for that?" the cashier asked.

Kahoko blindly put her money on the counter and waited, blindly taking the bags and walking home in a trance.

* * *

"…And that's what happened.." she said, her tears pouring out, gasping.

Kiriya pulled her towards him and kissed her forehead. He looked around the park and there were still a lot of people. He brought her toward the farthest bench from their view.

He listened to her huffs of breath and found bliss as she held him tight. Every time she would clutch him tighter, he would secure his arms around her so she wouldn't feel lonely.

Later on, as she calmed down, he decided to ask her a few questions.

"Is this one of the reasons why Len said you seemed 'different'?"

"...So he noticed."

"Is that also the reason why your mind's been a mess, too? Even more with that engagement thing?" _She didn't talk to him about it?_ He wondered.

There was a pause, but she didn't reply. Instead, she asked him a question.

"When are you leaving?"

"W-well, I don't quite know yet.."

"Do you remember that I told you I'm in love with Len?"

That struck a note.

"You helped the both of us get back together, and closer. Why?"

He was quiet, only holding her.

"You must have known." She said.

"…Must have known what?"

"That I wouldn't stop thinking about you for doing that!" she exclaimed, pinching him in the process.

"Ouch! Hey! You.. Don't do that!"

She sighed. "I said it as painlessly as I could back then. It was simple as that, so why are you here?"

He hesitated. "Do you want me to leave?"

"….I didn't mean it like that, I'm only asking. I'm wondering why you still like me, even though I said those words."

"So then.. why are you asking?"

Her reaction was quite interesting. "N-nothing!" she exclaimed, suddenly looking away from him.

"What? Come on, tell me."

"No, really, there's nothing to say."

He looked at her, those shimmery eyes and a cute button nose.. "Do you really think you can lie to me?"

Well, he _did_ take up law.

But never pursued it.

"You.. You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

She panicked. What was her reason?

"I wouldn't tell you anyway."

He held her hand and squeezed it lightly. "I need to know the truth."

She didn't want to do this. She was practically screaming it in her head.

_I don't want to hurt you…_

"I'm always going to wait for you, but please. This is the only thing I can't wait for. I want to know why."

She searched his eyes and only found the determination to learn the truth.

_Why are you doing this? Are you going to keep hoping? What can I do to change your mind?_

"Aren't you getting fed up with me already? You were always the man with overconfidence and such a fearless attitude until I told you how I really felt that day in London. I don't understand why you would want to wait for me."

"Because you're something else."

"Give me a reason why you say you love me."

His eyebrows creased together. "I.. I don't know."

She was quiet. She remembered something from college... Paolo Coelho, the alchemist..? Now what was that…?

_One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for being loved._

"When are you going to stop dodging the topic with your questions?"

"I don't want to tell you.." _I think he really loves me... _she thought.

"Why not?"

"I don't want to give you a hard time…"

"Kahoko, answer me properly. What do you mean a hard time?"

Her tears came out again. "I don't want to do this to you…"

He held her face and kissed her once. "Tell me."

That did it. Her tears burst out, and so did what she was hiding.

"I don't want to fall for you!"

Her fingers squeezed the hands that held her face. She looked down, her eyes closed tightly, tears pouring. He looked at her, his mouth agape, genuinely shocked. 'I don't want to fall for you...' Did that mean she was starting to like him again? That made him feel like tearing up but he kissed her, even though she couldn't kiss him back, she didn't stop him. Soon enough she started to respond.

_What am I supposed to do? I shouldn't be doing this.._ she thought.

She's been convinced that Kiriya could be the one, but whenever it comes down to this, her mind becomes flooded with images of Len. No matter what she does she can't forget him. Kiriya's love for her is true, that much he has proved to her already.

She moved away from him, pressing her lips together as she shook her head.

"I can't do it, Kiriya. I can't."

He looked at her with concern, the lump building up in his throat even more though he kept firm.

Hino's tears slowly trickled down her cheeks as she gasped for air as the tightness in her throat remained, not growing any loose.

She sniffled. "No matter what I do, I can never let him go.."

"Both of you give me love but I can't give it back to you! Why do I feel so… ugh! It's like I want to split myself in half!"

"Whoa, okay, hold on now. Calm down for a bit, Kahoko.." Etou said, his hand massaging her upper back.

She gulped, still sobbing. "Help me…" she whispered in his ear before burying herself in his neck.

As he heard her say that, he felt a pang. That was the first time he's ever heard Kahoko speak with such misery in her tone. He couldn't explain it but it was like some sort of agony. She couldn't reciprocate her feelings to any of them properly because of her dilemma. Why was she tasked to choose only one of them? She knew that the majority of the people that knew her would pick Len because Etou only 'barged' in. Showing up only at the times when she would be alone and then suddenly asking her out to dinner in a ramen shop and suddenly watching her work.. which led to all of this. She had to be honest with herself. She's spent six—almost seven—good years with Len and she's spent almost eight months together with Etou (starting from the events that happened in the first chapter).

_Kiriya showed his love for me from the start. I realize that his unkindness towards me before was only a sort of 'mask'. It's the way he is, how he shows his care. He likes to tease other people no matter how mean it sounds. I've gotten to learn his 'language' and we start play fights and end up laughing. Kiriya always made me feel special. He would always tell me what's on his mind, not caring about how grossly corny and mushy it would be. He's my hero._

_Len on the other hand, never changed. He isn't the type to be so expressive. He still keeps to himself sometimes. He isn't the person who likes confrontations which is why Jonty is there to handle everything. But even so, he loves me in his own way. There was always the warmth I felt when we were a new couple back in high school. I never fell out of love. His gold eyes, the rare way he would smile.. it makes me bite my lip and feel nostalgia_

The problem **was**, Len neglected her. He barely had time for her at some point and Kiriya knew this was going to happen all along. He had a crush on her back in high school and as the years progressed, they became good friends, thanks to the times when Etou could console her when Len wasn't around. When they became good friends, that's when he fell for her, but knowing that having her was impossible, he convinced himself to move on. After seeing her again for so long, a small spark rekindled all of that, letting him know that he had the chance to turn things around. It was wrong of him to steal his older brother's meant-to-be, but how could he just sit back and watch them as her pain doubled his? He knew he could treat her better, make her happy, bring her everywhere… His arrogance got him there as he started listing all his achievements to have Kahoko to himself but he forgot the most vital part:

She didn't love him.

He was a caring friend to her, but that was it. Kazuki and Ryotaro were her close friends, also best friends. She only thought of him as a sweet friend who would make you feel better when you were down... until he confessed.

The problem **now**, Len tried to catch up on lost time and make it up to her to buy her an expensive, almost impossible to get and limited edition engagement ring. But then his little brother managed to pull on her heartstrings and now, he didn't know what to do. He decided that Kahoko's decision was the only one that mattered so he would sit there and shut up. He vowed not to pressure her at all. He would kiss her back when she would kiss him and reciprocate everything she would give him, basically giving Etou a very large opening to steal her away from him.

Kiriya was still a kid at heart. He was vulnerable to her and to the topic concerning his deceased parents. Why blame him for wanting to make his own family? Yes there are many fish in the sea but Kahoko wasn't like the other fish in the sea. She was a common girl. WAY too common. And yet she's receiving loads of attention. He couldn't describe what exactly it was about her that charmed him completely.

_What do you do when you're stuck in two places?_

* * *

Aghh this is getting so hard to write.. I seriously don't know how Kahoko's going to solve this…

**Next Chapter: After Kiriya leaves for Canada, Kahoko decides to leave the country with her friends to cool off on the pressure. Len paid for their entire vacation as he returned to London. Nami, Shoko, Nao, Mio's boyfriend and Mio accompany her to China. But Kahoko had to go back to Japan early because her mother gets hospitalized. But when she comes back, she has to come face-to-face with the only man that could allow her existence (Father).**


	24. No regret

Kahoko smiled at the sight of her friends laughing at Mio as she copied Kazuki when he was hyper. Nao just kept a straight face, clearly not amused by Mio's actions (and later Hazuki, her boyfriend's), especially because some Chinese people were looking and whispering to each other. Nami took pictures of all the sites and of other people, making keepsakes of their rare trip where all of the Seiso gang girls could go.

It was their third night. It became easier for Kahoko to forget about her problems and stuff, but seeing Mio and her boyfriend would get her thinking about her dilemma all over again. That night when they returned to their hotel, Kahoko asked Mio if she could accompany her to the Ladies' Room.

Kahoko started to apply mascara on, suddenly feeling noticed by the people in the room and removing the bun on her hair to keep her face hidden. Mio put on some lip gloss.

Casually, Kahoko asked the question she had been meaning to ask since she got a boyfriend.

"Mio, how do you know if you really like someone?" she asked, keeping her eyes on herself. She felt embarrassed to ask the question.

She stopped putting her lip gloss, pouted her lips a little in thought and said, "Hmm… when you like someone?" she pursed her lips and looked up as if the answer was on the ceiling.

"Yeah, like how did you know you liked your boyfriend—" Kahoko suddenly wanted to take that back. Mio liked **every** boy she knew was nice and handsome.

As if Mio read her mind, she giggled. "I know what you're thinking Kaho. You think I like all boys as long as I don't know their bad sides, right?"

…

Close enough.

"Well, when I met Hazuki, I really didn't like him. But because we see each other every day, he would do things for me like a gentleman and you know how that's a weakness for me. Everyone told me it's just courtesy but soon enough we became close friends and then… I knew I liked him when… every time I'm happy, when I'm sad, he's the first person I want to go to and tell all my problems, achievements to."

Kahoko was frozen the moment Mio started talking like an expert. She started to see Mio in a different light. She was always such a kid when it came to guys but now she seems more mature.

She's going to kill that Hazuki if he breaks her heart.

* * *

The next morning when Kahoko woke up, Amou was no longer in the room, her bed made. She sat up, suddenly panicking. She stood up slowly and checked in the bathroom.

She wasn't in there.

She even looked in the closet, but she wasn't there either.

She put on a jacket and peeked outside. Amou was talking to someone on the phone.

_Wait a minute, that's… my phone._ She thought.

"Yes, she's still asleep, I haven't heard anything from the room yet… I'll be sure to tell her… Thank you, please take care of your mother."

"Nami, what's that about?"

Amou spun around, shaken up. "Ayah! You almost scared me to death! Huh…" she said, and from a look of shock, it turned into a look of sadness.

"Your sister called. She told me to tell you that your mom was sent to the hospital."

Terror struck Hino's face. "My mom?"

"She apparently has kidney stones. I don't know all the details but I think you better start packing. I'll call the airport."

"Packing?"

"You need to stay with your mom. Who else can accompany her? Your sister can't because she's busy."

Kahoko bit her lip. "Can I have my phone back?" she asked, extending her hand.

Amou handed it to her. "Sorry, it kind of woke me up. It rang three times."

She froze. _I'm that much of a heavy sleeper?_ "Sorry about that, Nami.."

She just smiled and went off to the main desk.

Kahoko looked back at her phone and used speed dial number two.

"Len…"

* * *

Kahoko didn't feel good.

The dizziness from the plane ride wasn't helping either. How could she have known that reading the newspaper induced dizziness for her? She admired people who weren't affected by motion sickness.

Getting off the plane, she felt the vomit coming. She rejected it and breathed in tiny but deep gasps, and soon it subsided.

"Phew," she muttered, making her way in.

She pulled her stroller bag with a big bag on top and carried a hand bag. Looking for Len or a sign with her name on it, her eyes seemed to fail her for a second. But seeing a crowd of reporters with cameras assured her that he was already here.

She blinked. Once, twice… _Too much computer.._

"You okay?" asked a voice.

She smiled as her eyes adjusted when she heard his voice. "Wow, like magic."

He chuckled and kissed her on the temple, sort of understanding what she just said. He pulled her close for a short hug and lifted her heavy bag burden.

"You go ahead. Jonty'll lead you to her room. I'll put your bags in your house." Len said as they neared the hospital.

"No, put them in your house." She said, staring into space for a while then looking him in the eye.

His eyebrows creased together, unable to ask why.

Kahoko's head tilted to the right, both her hands lightly gripping his shoulders. "Why are you being the quiet, Ice Prince from High School, huh?" she said, smiling.

He could only look at her as the car stopped in front of the hospital.

"I'll see you later." He said as she got out of the car.

_Why is he being like that? Is he worried?_ She wondered as she and Jonty waited; she kept fidgeting on the elevator.

She looked at Len's agent. _He's not saying anything either.. Could it be that they're both worried about my mom?_

As the elevator opened, Jonty led her out. For some reason, she looked back at the people entering the elevator and froze in her steps.

"Hino-san? Are you alright?" she could faintly hear Jonty asking. She froze because she saw her biological father.

_What was he doing here?_

"Come on, she's alright, I promise you." Jonty said again.

Somehow she found her legs and started to walk again.

She looked around the hall filled with white. White coats, attire, walls, floor, doors… Was it possible to get blinded like this? Not by the color but how everyone else seemed to be as stressed as she felt. Others wore casual clothes, dress-to-impress and flat-out black. Seeing people in wheelchairs with their IV rolling along, bald heads, it was now she understood what Len said about being luckier than others.

"Kahoko! You're here! Mom's in that room. Hurry." Her sister said, pushing her in and leaving her alone with their mother.

There wasn't much of a difference of the looks other than the clothes and the tired look on her face. Her legs moved on their own and suddenly she was holding her mom's hand with both hands.

"Mom?" she called out gently. Slowly the closed eyes opened and a smiled formed on her lips.

"Kaho. You're home."

She smiled at her daughter but suddenly a frown formed on her pale face.

"Are you okay? Are you hurting?"

"I'm already in the hospital, no need to worry. I'm being taken care of. Phew."

She spent time with her mother talking a bit, to distract her and herself from their current situations. The fact that her father was here did not leave her mind.

When she was calm enough, she decided to ask:

"Mom, what was **he** doing here?"

She didn't hesitate to think. She knew.

"I guess I can tell you now."

* * *

His name was Nozora Masujiro. He's married now to a woman with the last name of Hanabusa.

Masujiro isn't exactly what you would call a nice boy. Your mommy was a stupid woman to fall in love with him… still in love with him…

We first met in high school. You couldn't really call us a couple because I was quite boyish—like Nao—back then. I would get into fights with him because he was my seatmate, classmate and he was the 'scary guy'.

I started to show a girly side when prom was coming up. He was the only boy I was very close to but he was a bad boy and could get some girls easily. My friends were encouraging me to ask him but my pride didn't allow me to risk being rejected so I just decided to act the same as I always did with him. I was downhearted when I found out that another girl he courted asked him and he accepted.

The next few days I kept regretting it so one day I called him and confessed.

I also told him I was planning to ask him to prom. When he knew that, he called his date on the phone and blew her off in front of me. I wasn't really happy when he did that and I felt guilty. Since that day I had changed from the rude boyish girl to the shy girl-next-door.

There were many hardships after that, how he forced me to go to prom even though I felt terribly guilty. I apologized to the girl who was disheartened, she forgave me but was somehow mad at me.

During the first year of college, he was my seatmate again and he asked me out. You can't imagine my naïve happiness then. I was really dumb, and a very slow girl. That thing happened—What do mean what is 'that'? I'm going to ignore that.—Well, I got pregnant so I had to drop out and I gave birth to your brother. I had to raise him on my own because he abandoned me two days after I told him I was pregnant. Two years later, he came back, apologizing with tears and he showed genuine care for Yoshi (Kahoko's older brother). I was so mad, but I was so happy, too. A week later, that thing happened again then your sister was born. I was confident that he would help me this time but the next morning, he wasn't beside me on the bed. He left me again. My friends came to help me this time, and so did my parents (again).

Six years have passed and I have been going through on and off depression then he appears again. Before I can cry, or scream, he grabs me by my wrists in to the house. You were born later on… He stayed with me for a few days and confessed that he was already married… I slapped him after that, and regretted it when he got angry. He almost hit me. Thanks to your brother and sister and my friends, I was saved.

Now, I am forty eight years old and I can't regret how I handled things way back when because if I did, I would be regretting having these children.

* * *

Kahoko cried as her mother explained. She understood why her siblings deeply hated their father. He was an abusive man who took advantage of her mother's kindness, slowness and understanding. She wanted to curse him some more, but she wanted to stop thinking of him because doing so gave her stress and fueled her anger.

"Why are you angry?" asked her mother.

"Because of what he did to you!" Kahoko replied, surprised that her mother isn't at all raged.

"I still love him."

"Mom, you have got to be k—"

"I—"

Kahoko and her mother weren't able to finish their conversation because someone else entered.

"Ms. Hino? You'll have to leave, visiting hours are up." Said the nurse.

"Ah, no, I'm sleeping here." She replied.

"Someone else said he'll do it.." The nurse said and opened the door behind her, revealing a tall Yoshi.

Both of his family members sat wide eyed in shock.

"Yoshi!"

* * *

"I heard mom got sent to the hospital so I rushed here." He said. "And Hino, this guy in a weird hat said that your boyfriend's waiting for you. You better go."

Kahoko's face turned red, embarrassed that her brother said it so bluntly.

"Yes, hon. Don't make him wait." Her mother said gently.

She hesitated, then stood up. Turning for the door, she paused again. "Mom, what we were talking about—"

"Just ask your sister." She said with a smile.

* * *

Hino was deep in thought as she met that 'guy in a weird hat'. He didn't mind that she didn't seem to notice him much so he led her to the car and brought her to Len's house.

"Miss Hino, we've arrived."

Snapping out of her thoughts, she bowed her head slightly and thanked him.

Len opened the gate himself and welcomed Kahoko with open arms.

She ran to him, teary-eyed, wondering what on Earth she should do.

"I miss you." She muttered, carried by Len. Her feet wrapped around his body comfortably and she felt like crying even more when he said he missed her more.

They both lay on the bed, comfortably close (which was indubitably close) as they talked about Kahoko's day.

"I saw my father again, today. And it was sure a surprise to see Yoshi back." She smiled as she played with Len's hair.

He stared in her eyes, their faces only inches apart. "Your sister mentioned that. I didn't want to cause trouble so I didn't follow after you anymore."

She paused to look at him and laughed. "_Didn't want to cause trouble_? Are you… afraid of my brother?"

He looked away. "You know how protective brothers can be, right?"

"Tch~ heehee Don't worry, he's not like that. He's more overprotective of my sister with boys because he knows how dumb I am with love."

He silenced her with his index finger on her lips. "You aren't dumb to me."

She pursed her lips. "Since when have you been so open and sweet, huh?" she joked, lying down on his chest, resting her chin on the back of her left hand as she traced the outline of his lower lip casually.

"Since four years ago when you convinced me that I didn't have to hide my feelings from you anymore." He said, tracing his fingers up and down on her back.

No matter how you look at their position, you can tell they're a very close couple that is very much in love. You'd be right, but to them, it's something they've been doing for years.

Kahoko rested her head on his chest. "What is the great thing about marriage?"

He said nothing for a while, only staring up at the ceiling.

"Why are you asking me? I've never married before."

She didn't reply, knowing her question was stupid but he gave an answer anyway.

"I think the best thing about it is that you get to finally call your girl yours without fear anymore."

She smiled at that, although her thoughts contradicted with that action. "But isn't that what's sort of.. boring about it? When you like someone, you're always anticipating and becoming happy and becoming sad. When you're married, you don't have to worry about it anymore. I just think it's a little sad."

He chuckled, "Try it yourself, maybe you'll enjoy it."

She scrunched her nose. "I don't want to get married just for the fun of it." She said and stuck her tongue out.

She fell to the side of the bed and cuddled with him. "Why don't you do anything to me anymore?" she asked quietly.

He looked at her, slightly confused. "What do you mean? I asked for a hug awhile ago, didn't I? And I paid for your vacati—"

"I mean like why don't you initiate the kisses anymore, or hug me from behind?"

He stared at her as she looked at their hands. He understood what she meant about the feelings of a couple when they're not married. For example, now.

"Do you want me to initiate the kisses?"

"Of course I want you to!" she snapped, turning around to face the wall.

He propped himself up on his elbow. "What's wrong?"

He heard her sniffle.

He had a mini heart attack as he panicked and you could see it clearly on his face..

He took her right arm and pulled her to look at him. "Wait, I'll do whatever you want me to do. Please don't cry."

She dared not to look him in the eye. "Just tell me why.."

He sighed. _So much for keeping it a secret.._ he thought. "I know you like him."

Her surprised face slowly looked in his eyes, mouth slightly agape.

"I just figured it be best not to force you to be with me and kiss you only when you wanted to so that I don't confuse you."

Her eyes became watery all over again and she hit him.

"Why didn't you tell me that in the first place!"

He caught her arms, sitting up. She still resisted him and tried to pound his chest.

"I wish you never did that! I wish you just acted normally. Why did you confuse me even more? I don't want to l…."

She paused, her arms falling to her sides.

She couldn't say it.

She couldn't lie.

'_I don't want to like him'_

* * *

Kahoko is starting to like Etou now... But does that mean they'll even get together? :/

Review?


	25. Dead or Alive

_She couldn't say it._

_She couldn't lie._

_'__I don't want to like him'_

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Len's Thoughts**

He was okay. No really.

It didn't hurt him or anything.

Okay, so it seemed to kill him. Just like how the candlelight in Len's life was already halfway and the fire was merely a hot red spot where you don't know if it's going to die or if it will spark again.

What was he going to do? Leave Kahoko and go ahead with focusing on reaching his dreams to be on par with Kiriya? It was hard enough to cope without her, how could he possibly live without having her as his lover?

No matter how many times he's changed that word—lover—from girlfriend, partner, companion, he really wanted to call her his wife.

As she slept on his chest, rising and falling as he inhaled, the days of them dancing in prom, parties, and the date he wanted to relive, he wished he could go back to those memories. His eyes grew watery, his nose suddenly felt blocked, finding it more difficult to breathe, how in the world could he let this girl go?

Could anyone replace her in his life? No. Would he fall in love with someone else? How could he, he's in love with her, he wants to marry her, but this isn't the time. It's too late. If only he didn't back away, if only he didn't let Kahoko come nearer to Kiriya…

Why didn't he fight for her?

But what would it matter now? She likes him.

_She likes him. _

He hated that. But Kiriya was like a brother to him. But then, Kahoko was HIS.

Len continually thought helplessly as he unnecessarily over-thought everything; finding ways to keep her for himself, but at the same time keeping her happiness his number one priority.

What was hope when it was slowly diminishing, when you know you could only hold on to her for so long?

His tears were kept from falling. His nose was red, his eyes, too. The difficulty in inhalation increased causing the uneven breathing. The desire to hold her and hide her from the world and to run away was so strong but he didn't feel like doing selfish things. He would have probably done this when he was younger because he never prioritized other people's thoughts but somehow, Kahoko's kindness rubbed off on him. Not that it has anything at all to do with his decision. Kiriya and Kahoko were important to him. But what was more important: His own happiness or someone else's?

* * *

Next chapter maybe later tonight or tomorrow. Sorry, didn't have a nice day today. I was supposed to post this yesterday as my gift to you guys since it was my birthday but I didn't feel very inspired. I'm surprised it ended here, I'm sorry it's so short. I'll follow-up as soon as I can.


	26. The FortuneTeller

After sleeping over at Len's house, Kahoko brought her bags back in her mom's house, wondering why she chose to leave it at the Tsukimori residence. It wouldn't have been a hassle to carry three bags, a stroller and other baggage that looked like sports bags.

She was getting ready, checking her teeth in the mirror and spending almost 40 minutes, figuring out a hairstyle when the phone rang.

"Hello, who's this?" Kahoko asked as she picked up the phone in the living room.

"Pizza delivery."

She smiled as she heard his voice, her body relaxing from the familiarity. "Kiriya! Long time no talk."

"Yeah, it's almost been a week." He said. She could tell from his voice that he was grinning. Without realizing it herself, she was grinning, too.

"How is your mom? Is she alright? I only got the news now that she's in the hospital."

"Yeah, she's fine. My older brother came all the way to keep her company."

Kiriya looked around as he stood on the sidewalk using a public phone. He wanted to talk some more but he didn't have much time; three more weeks before he could see Kahoko's face. He was fine waiting as long as he kept buying dresses that he thought would look good on her. He knew it was stupid to keep buying her these things and also because it's one of the reasons why people would take advantage of you but he couldn't help it. He didn't have any pictures of her in his wallet and all the pictures he took of her in his phone were too blurred because Kahoko kept hiding her face every time he would try.

Kiriya apologized to her, saying he had to leave already and felt like he didn't want to stop talking. Hino was already panicking because Len could come any minute so she quickly made up an excuse.

Until now, she tries her best to convince herself that Len is the only one for her, but the words Etou speaks, his tiny actions, they create massive effects on her. At times when she would take too long staring at her reflection, pouting and pondering how to make herself look pretty, Kiriya would come up behind her, stare at her and closely whisper in her ear that she's beautiful already in that deep voice of his, causing her to become stiff as she blushed. He would then walk away with no amusement on his face, just a proud smile knowing that he received a good response.

Kahoko was wrapped around Kiriya's finger, but not in a bad way. He wouldn't ever tell her what to do, but he gets jealous easily. He's the type of person who could get anyone he wanted with ease, something he's done for a long time. Kahoko was different, obviously. She was innocent, genuine and caring, unlike all the other girls he was never serious with.

_I don't want to like him,_ the sentence that Kahoko could never finish. She liked him already, but up 'til now she tries to deny it. Was it already time for regrets? Len pondered as he waited outside her house. He couldn't stop thinking about it since last night. A year ago, things were about sacrifices to be with each other. But now things have changed as he planned a sacrifice that would instantly burn the flame in his heart, and their relationship.

* * *

The door opened and Kahoko left the house with a weird expression.

"Are you alright?" he asked as he held her hand.

"I just feel weird."

He smiled, hiding whatever he planned. "Your face says the same."

"…and then they would always tease me because of that." He explained, talking about some of his daily experiences abroad.

Kahoko couldn't stop laughing, not from amusement but from embarrassment. Len could openly and bluntly say all of the things he's been teased in London. Like how every conversation would suddenly turn to Kahoko, when he's relaxing with a cup of tea, coffee or even wine, someone will say 'Thinkin' 'bout your girlfriend, mate?"

Daily happenings in London, Len's Story #1: All he will be reminded of is Kahoko.

He didn't mention his discomfort when the guys would ask if he was okay, especially the time he kissed her in front of his own house. They showed genuine concern, but he wouldn't show them any weakness, other than the fact that he's clearly shaken up about it.

"Okay, so your turn to tell me things; what have you been up to during vacation?" he said, watching her face as they drove-in to a fast food restaurant.

"Ummm~"

"_Mio, how do you know if you really like someone?"_

"_Inner peace… Namaste…"_

"…Basically, everything you wanted me to do. Meditate and think."

He shook his head. "You shouldn't think, you should have had fun."

"I have to think so I don't get carried away with my 'fun', right?"

"Yeah, of course, but I still bet you never took your mind off the current issue when you were alone."

He waited for a zinger from her but she only remained silent. He pressed his lips together and then pulled her closer, kissing her temple. One of his most common ways to apologize and say 'Don't worry, just forget about it. I'll make it up to you.'

* * *

Day by day Len and Kahoko would visit each other in their houses as long as their schedules allowed it. Kahoko had Kiriya texting her four times a week, casually asking how she's doing, what Len's been doing and other things. It was nearly Kiriya's return to Japan, and one thing worth remembering about this month was that Mio brought her to a fortune-teller.

_**You are the type of person to be quite.. confused by someone's actions rather than deductive. **_ Said the old lady as Kahoko entered the room. She felt quite confused right now. How did she know that, though?

Exchanging pleasantries, the woman looked over-all very nice. Later on, she shocked her with fortunes that were so close to her life. Some were just flat out wrong, and some were quite believable.

_**Okay, so my last reading for you will be this. Give me one card (but keep it faced-down) and ask one last but important question.**_

Kahoko was confused. What was she supposed to ask?

"Umm, Wha—"

_**Only ask about the future of which you are unsure of. Say, if you'll ever be a billionaire.**_

Oh, okay. Good thing she said that, Kahoko thought. If she didn't she would have asked what she should make for her mother's birthday.

"Umm, will I ever get to choose the right person?"

The old lady accepted her card and turned it over.

_**This card is the hanged man. It says that you are probably going through a hard time in where you have to give something or someone up. In time, you will know what decision to make. A difficult time may mean a difficult decision. This time is a passage from a phase of your life to the next. We all know self-sacrifice is not easy, but if you look for the truth of your feelings and don't be too materialistic or cling onto things or people for all the wrong reasons, things will turn out well.**_

Kahoko exited the room, thanked the lady and made her way to Mio. Legs were dragging, and her back was slightly slouched.

"How'd it go? Tell me EVERYTHING!" Mio asked enthusiastically.

"I am shocked out of my wits right now."

How did that card become so significant to me? Well, her interpretations of it, but how come it was so accurate?

_**Don't cling onto things or people for **__**all the wrong reasons**__**.**_

Did that mean Len? But what wrong reason could possibly be holding her back from finding her path?

Oh well... Fortune-telling is fun! She thought, with a smile on her face.

* * *

Len walked around the mall, shopping for a new scrapbook. He hated this. He hated walking in a place full of girls that stared. He had to pretend to casually walk as if nothing's happening. Every time a high school girl would say a tiny 'e-excuse me..' he would walk away without showing any sign of kindness.

He's kidding, though. That's not the real reason why he's in a bad mood.

* * *

**~Alexa's Notes~**

Kill me now! I'm soo sorry that this is two days late. T.T I had writer's block and I finally thought of doing the fortune telling for Kahoko. I'm stalling the end of the story TAT.

There will be an **epilogue**, which could mean a _possible_ sequel, because.. I don't know, I think I'm going to get myself stressed over this because I will keep racking my brain for 'what's going to happen next?' like I did with this chapter. Huu I'm not feeling well. xD Hope you enjoyed and reviews are highly appreciated. (-is expecting to be shot for a short chapter-)

Oh, and thank you to . (None of the fortunes worked on me but it did for Kaho! It was a life-saver for this chapter. xD)

**P.S. Forgive me for the grammatical errors/typos. I was too lazy to re-read it. ;_;**

**What could be the real reason for Len's bad mood? **


	27. Surprise

"You're leaving? Today?" Kahoko asked Len, a little too dramatically. It is quite understandable.. Since her birthday is less than two weeks.

"I have a schedule I have to finish up. It's something I really can't miss." He replied, remembering his conversation with Jonty, the ever so versatile agent/manager/publicist.

"_I booked a flight for tomorrow night." He said, casually walking in as if saying that wouldn't mean anything bad. Bad for Len, anyway._

"_Didn't I tell you to cancel everything?" Len said, half-scared and half-anticipating of his agent's reaction._

_Though, the reaction never came. For the first time, he saw a shy and almost sad Jonty before him._

_He observed him, afraid to ask what was wrong._

"_Tsukimori-san," he said, switching to formal-work-speak "Iif I don't comply to this, I might lose my job.. You have to go for at least one or two weeks. Please consider going on a hiatus if you don't want to do any activities.."_

How could you say no to that?

But how could he miss his girlfriend's birthday?

Hands intertwined and swaying left to right, Hino held on to Len for as long as she could. Both just being a couple in silence. There was no need for words. Holding each other was good enough.

"Will you be back soon?" she asked, mentally asking if he could make it to her birthday.

"I really hope so." He said. "I want to be there for you on your birthday."

Even though she felt happy knowing that he didn't want to leave, she couldn't help but feel sad because the most important person in her life might not be there.

Speaking of most important, Etou suddenly popped in her head as she thought of the possibility of Tsukimori not there for her birthday.

It didn't feel so important anymore though. She received regular early morning texts from him and sometimes greetings at night, those of which she never replied to fast enough because she was either asleep or not using her phone. Etou received a LOT of texts. He actually had four phones: one for work, for friends, other work and for close friends—her included.

She wondered if he had a lot of 'close friends' but suddenly it didn't matter anymore. They never spoke with each other, and she just preferred to stay with Len rather than text someone that might not even reply.

"You're not allowed to talk to any guys in public, okay?" Len said, suddenly.

"Huh? Why?"

"Just don't."

She raised her eyebrow with a simultaneous tilting of her head, not in a 'you-seriously-saying-that?' way but more of a 'I-don't-really-get-it' way.

"Don't you trust me?" she asked him, knowing it would be a big blow.

He wasn't even slightly fazed. "No."

Her jaw dropped.

This was worse than the blow she thought of giving.

"Before you get worked up, I _did_ see you kissing him when I followed after Etou. He left his wallet."

_Etou? Kissing? NO WAY. Don't tell me it's the time I said—_

"You were crying then. And I heard something about 'not wanting to fall in love with him'."

She punched his arm. "I-I did not do that!"

"See, every time I own the conversation you do this to me." He said, trying to restrain her.

"_Own_ the conversation?" she asked, seriously.

Then suddenly she burst out laughing.

"You really can't use these words properly, can you?" she laughed.

He looked away from her with an upset look on his face, thinking of all the other witty things he could have said.

She looked up at him, letting go of his hand she reached for his cheek. "Aww, Len is in a pouty mood~" she teased.

He looked even more irritated.

Until she kissed his cheek.

He looked at her, surprised. All he could see was her smiling up at him as she reached for a kiss.

Today was the day Len would leave. It was also yesterday's tomorrow, and tomorrow's yesterday…

She kept thinking nonsense and blabbing nonsense, too. She was used to the big crowd that watched Len leave. They were all screaming and saying hi. Len was a bit upset—maybe mad—when he finally told her about she and Etou's kiss. He knew about it for a long time but he hasn't brought it up until now.

There was slight displeasure in the air when it was the main topic but they worked it out… barely.

"Call me when you get to London." She begged, holding his hand.

"I said I will. You've said that almost four times today."

"I'll say it some more. Please don't leave…" she pleaded, lengthening the word 'please'.

He bent down and kissed her forehead, her temple, her cheek and every other side of her face.

"I miss you." He said.

"You haven't even left yet.." she whispered, desperate to kiss him.

For a moment, he pressed his lips together as if thinking a reply but he only smiled at her, embracing her tightly.

"I love you, Len." She said in his ear. She wondered if he could hear her from the deafening shrieks of teenage girls either jealous or fan-girling.

"I love you more."

It was boring to be alone in the house. She thought with a unsatisfied look on her face. The girls were resting and felt a bit jet lagged from China so she couldn't go out with them. She figured she'd go with Tsuchiura or Kazuki but Len's words echoed in her ears. _You're not allowed to talk to any guys in public, okay?_

They were friends of hers, does that still count?

She was bored. Anything and everything entered her mind.

Maybe she should get them to cross-dress so she could take them out for a friendly walk.

Her phone lit up.

She checked her message to see if Len already arrived (impossible) but it was from Kaji.

"Hino-san is neglecting me… （￣へ￣） Let's go out!"

She smiled and texted back:

"Kaji-kun texted me! \(^^)/ I have to bring the girls out too or else heika will kill me.. (T_T)".

**,-~-,**

(**A/N**: Heika means 'your majesty' in Japanese and also her nickname for Len when he's not around)

**,-~-,**

"Oh, that's too bad.. The girls are tired now.. Maybe next time." He texted.

She didn't reply anymore after that.

Collapsing on her bed, she blew the stray hair that fell on her face.

Her phone lit up. Kaji texted again?

"The birthday girl has an early present. :)"

Kahoko's eyebrows rose. Kaji got me an early gift?

No, that's impossible. Kaji never uses this style of smileys…

She looked at the sender and she was right, it wasn't Kaji.

It was Etou.

Why did it feel like her heart just skipped a beat? She hit her head, annoyed with the feeling.

"I don't like Etou that way, I don't like Etou that way," she chanted out loud.

He texted her again: "Ignoring me again? :( Go get your gift!"

"What gift?" she asked herself, as she stood up to go downstairs.

Confirming her suspicions, her sister yelled her name.

"Have you been internet shopping again? I'm not paying this time!"

"I have not!" She yelled back confidently, although inside she was freaking out trying to remember if she bought any.

As she came down, she nearly missed the last step. There were four boxes, filled to the brim with fashion items, dresses, long blouses, flats, shoes, earrings, necklaces, bracelets, heels, _everything_. She opened every box to inspect.

"Kahoko." She said suddenly.

Kahoko felt scared. Here comes a lecture…

"Can you give me some of these?" she asked with her puppy dog eyes. "We can still share the same shoes, right? Just some shoes! Come on, that's not that much, right?" she said, grabbing the prettiest shoes and jewelry she could find.

"Sis, that could have been stolen for crying out loud. Who's it from?" she asked, checking the boxes for names but only found her own name. She froze. Was this really from eBay?

"Oh, there's a bulky envelope on the shoe rack. I didn't open it yet." Said her sister, looking at more and more clothes, making a mess.

Kahoko walked towards the shoe rack where people would leave their shoes before entering. It was a small brown envelope that was indeed bulky.

She understood why her sister—who would usually open the envelope before thinking—didn't open it. It was because it was heavily taped, top and bottom. Whoever sent this probably didn't want anyone to see the message.

She tiptoed upstairs to make sure she wouldn't see it. Kahoko's name was written in familiar script on the envelope and as she searched for a cutter, she pondered who on Earth would have bought four boxes worth of clothes that seem to fit her so well. _Shimizu Keiichi? His sister knows my measurements… But these are all designer products._

Cutting open the envelope, she felt excited and nervous at the same time. She pressed the neatly folded sides of the envelope to get a better look inside and it was filled with notes that were badly folded, as if the person was in a hurry to send this.

Each paper had a number on it. In this case, eight.

She opened big paper number one:

_My favorite girl's birthday is coming nearer and nearer. I sent you gifts during Valentine's day, and now I send you early gifts again… I spoil you too much, don't I? _

_You know I hate these things. These notes and stationery and crap, but I remember her saying how she loved scrapbooking and creative things.. I'm not very creative, but this is all the effort I can give for this kind of gift. Forgive me?__** –K.**_

She laughed, knowing who it already was. Can you guess?

She opened big paper number two:

_It took years before she finally realized it. I did say you were my type. But what hurt the most was that you only realized my feelings for you when you and Tsukimori finally hit it off… I spied on you a lot more that day. I tried to find ways to surprise you and see that flustered look on your face, but I couldn't with him around. It was alright, I guess. You smiled a lot. But I didn't like it at the same time.__** –K.**_

She cocked her head to the side, confused. Quickly, she opened the slightly smaller paper number three:

_I didn't like it because I wasn't the reason you were smiling. You already know I'm egoistical so it's excusable at how selfish I sound. But through the years as I matured, I grew to be less selfish, hoping that my good deeds would lead you to me, one day. __**–K.**_

She smiled sadly. Kiriya could never take her heart. Not while it was already surrendered to someone else. Slowly this time, she felt like she didn't want to open small paper labeled 'Four' but… her conscience pressured her, "You're betraying his feelings," it said in her head. "Read what he has to say, Kaho!"

_I realize that it's hard for me to write my feelings rather than to say because I have uttered so many lies that even truth isn't an obstacle, but writing is different._ _–__**K.**_

Her eyebrows furrowed. Was Kiriya alright?

Paper number 5:

"_I always say that… I love you word," _he wrote. 'I love you looked barely legible, like even he felt shy to write it. "_But that doesn't mean I lie… It's just that I don't really realize or understand its meaning…"_

Paper number six:

_How did you ever put up with me? I'm aggressive and leave you with no choice. I force you to comply but you take it ever so lightly that I don't notice even a bit of how you feel. Won't you tell me?_

Before even opening paper number seven, she already wondered why it was the most different:

"_I'm… sorry. I -p-to-d- from now-"_ Irritated, she tried to make sense of the blurred words, but couldn't. Why couldn't she read it properly? Because it probably got wet. It was different from all the rest because of a big spot where water might have hit…. Could this possibly be… Etou's tears?

Kahoko could feel her heart pulsing through her. Her hands were shaking and becoming sweaty from nervousness and anticipation from the eighth note.

_Would you… ever consider going out with me? Even if it wouldn't happen… I just want to know._

_I… really want to…_

The heat flooded her cheeks, no her whole face, reading this. She couldn't hear him speaking but his writing was so sincere; especially the eighth note. Kiriya had always sounded like he was flirting, teasing and even joking but he never sounded… truthful. He had already once admitted that he's a very, very good liar, and he's done it so much that he practically would blurt out things he never meant, especially to women. It became a language. But it wasn't a good thing. He hated it, in fact. He had trouble seriously telling a girl that he was in love with her (not that he ever was in love before, other than Kahoko). He could just casually say it like it meant like nothing at all. He could even say 'let's break up' as nonchalantly as his monotonous yet convincing voice could, as if he was already used to saying things that can hurt people.

Her still flushed face looked back at the envelope, deciding if she should already hide the letters before her anyone could barge in when she noticed another paper with writings on it. It looked more like a scratch paper…

And something straight off Etou's journal.

* * *

Forgive me for misspelling and grammatical errors. No time to re-read because I have school tomorrow and my mom will kill me. Please review!


	28. Birthday!

_Dated: February 15 (Twelve days before her birthday)_

_I still feel like such a girl when I write in journals, but no one's here to judge me but me, so I guess it's alright._

_Kahoko didn't reply to me again today… Huu I'm just lying down wondering what to do before rehearsal starts. Stupid choreography. I don't dance, ok. Geez._

_I bought a last minute dress for Kahoko. People are starting to think that I'm gay because I go to different stores and head straight to the female section. Sigh._

_Should I text Kahoko again? :'( geez! why does this make me so sad… is she ignoring me? Did her phone crash? Did she change her number?_

_(I feel so bad trying to take Kahoko from aniki. Well, I'm not technically doing anything but giving her gifts and telling her my feelings, then.. some action happens…Huh.)_

_Freddi (band mate) tells me I'm too dramatic about this. And that I look at my phone too often. I'm so excited! I hope Kahoko will text me after receiving this… That will make me so happy._

_Her soft lips and smooth hair get me smitten_

_Too beautiful, can't describe when it's written_

_Can't lose you, not now._

_You love me, somehow._

_Just not… the way I want it to be._

_Hmm… better talk about these lyrics with my staff. I'm not feeling well right now, actually. Can't breathe much and my abdomen hurts but no worries. I'm cool enough. I've reached the third page for today. Hope no one sees this. Hehe, it would be so bad if this got leaked to the press. What would aniki and Hino think?_

* * *

Kahoko was frustrated at the text.

She can't understand English. She can read her name; she understood the word love and other things but seriously, she felt like ripping the paper but she couldn't. She wanted to ask someone for help in translating but the only person she can safely ask is either Len or Kiriya, but with the word 'love' in here, she's better off on her own.

Her mother was already discharged from the hospital but her brother quickly returned to work abroad somewhere, leaving behind a picture of him with their mom.

She really had nothing to do, so she picked up her violin and played like her heart wished to.

Days passed by slowly as her birthday was finally tomorrow.

Kahoko was anticipating something special to happen but she's only been in contact with family recently and her friends won't reply to her.

She cried herself to sleep that night. She felt so alone, and felt that her life wasn't progressing well enough. She texted even Kiriya but he didn't reply.

Closing her eyes, restraining herself from pondering over her life, she fell in a deep slumber.

She woke up with something heavy on her stomach. Hesitating to open her eyes, the bed shook slightly and there were soft murmurs.

Four girls were on the bed, watching her as she stirred. The smell of bacon, eggs and toast made her stomach grumble.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HINO KAHOKO!" They all yelled at once.

She covered her ears; it was morning so they were still adjusting to sound.

"What are you guys doing here?" she asked, grinning.

"What do you think?" Mio exclaimed.

"We were preparing stuff while we were ignoring your texts." Amou explained.

"Sorry for doing that, by the way." Nao said. "Go and eat your breakfast!"

* * *

Spending a whole morning-slash-afternoon of fun and extra carbs with the girls, Kahoko was feeling good about herself: Her friends loved her and stayed together with her through thick and thin despite the fact that it's hard to keep close during college, her family gave her gifts: her mom kissed her forehead and greeted her warmly and got her the violin necklace she wanted, her sister gave her two sets of hair clips, both having six different colors and her brother chatted with her through a video. The best gifts from her family, and they weren't even all that expensive. Her birthday is a very hyper day. She's been dancing on her bed since this morning with her friends. Her birthday was a gift and they were all the best.

What about Kiriya's gifts.

So here's the thing, Kahoko is glad that he thinks of her, but honestly, buy **THIS** much of clothing, jewelry, shoes? Okay, she gets it, Etou's rich. But she also thinks that he's only bribing his way into her heart.

Well, it would never work.

Even if he bought her a house in London, free tickets for her entire family, and they'd go to the different Disneylands of the world, she still wouldn't budge.

Well, because her love language isn't receiving gifts; it's quality time. And how long has Kiriya been having 'quality time' with her? Zero. Len's? Well, he's still abroad. But at least he calls her every single morning and night just to greet her and to tell her he loves her, even if he had the worst day ever and wasn't in the mood to say it, he still would because he _wants_ her to know he loves her, not because he _should_.

Just then, the door knocked.

She pushed herself off the couch with her hands and stalked off to the front door wondering if the girls left something in the house. She looked around for any forgotten coats or purses but the living room was clear of all that. She could have sworn they already left because she heard their car leave and she _watched_ them leave, so they couldn't be in the house. They're not the type to just rudely open the gate and—

She opened the door (secretly hoping that it was her sister because if it was someone else she would scream and freak out remembering a scary movie she saw three days ago) and saw a male figure.

And no one could mistake those headphones.

* * *

With a smile on his face, he extended his arms meaning to hug her. "Happy birthday."

She didn't smile back; she was still stunned especially because she thought he was a killer. Although she could predict how his obvious desire to come here was, she really couldn't believe that Kiriya was back. _Kiriya is RIGHT IN FRONT HER_. It's so weird how someone who always tries to keep in contact with her but hasn't seen for so many months appears in front of her. She's dealt with this before with Len, so she wondered what was there to be shocked about.

He hugged her, noticing her surprise. He held her tightly and then let go.

Her face had changed after he hugged her because she came up with an idea. She looked like he was about to make him do something he didn't want to. Her smirk looked quiet scary, actually.

"Kahoko?"

"Thank you for the birthday gifts." She simply said. Watching Etou laugh in relief, she didn't stop there.

"But I want a simpler one… I have a request from you." She smiled.

He smiled back hesitantly, wondering what she could mean. Did she mean a kiss? That would be weird and out-of-character for her. But he had no problem with it.

She used her index finger to motion him to come closer, with that same smirk on her face.

He half-smiled and did as she wished him to. He was about to close his eyes when suddenly something flimsy hit his face.

It was a piece of paper. The paper looked quite familiar to him, too.

He straightened up, looking at Kahoko in puzzlement but nevertheless smiled. He took it from her gently and he opened it. When he noticed his unmistakable handwriting, his jaw dropped, his eyes grew wide.

"Where the **hell** did you get this?" he yelled in English.

Kahoko was surprised again from his outburst but tried to look professional. "Surowry, I-I can not undastand.." (Slowly, I cannot understand) she said, her Japanese accent obviously apparent.

He was still panting like he had been running for miles. He shook his head and started to laugh. "You-you don't understand it, right?" he asked in Japanese this time.

She nodded with a pouty face. He sighed in relief.

"That's your birthday present to me. Translate." She said calmly, even knowing that in three seconds, Kiriya would—

"No way." he said with a nervous smile, putting the paper in his back pocket. She smiled; she wasn't going to have that. She was going to play bad to get it.

She smirked again and slid her hands from his abs to his back pocket. She wanted to laugh at his sudden discomfort, gulping and weakly trying to stop her.

"Th-that's dangerous.." he said.

And when she finally reached his back pocket he lightly pushed her away from him. "No, Kahoko, I will not read it. Come on, let me in." he said as he tried to slip by her but her hands caressed his upper body still trying to reach the paper. This continued for quite a while before finally he gave up.

"Fine, fine. Stop doing this to me, it's—it's not good." He said and walked really fast to get to the couch.

She smiled. 'Victory!' she thought and mentally told herself never to do that ever again, even though watching his face was hilarious.

She joined him on the couch and told him to translate already. He kept saying no over and over again and soon enough, Kahoko got frustrated and tried talking to him in English.

"You a pig!" she said, slapping his arm, pouting.

He laughed at her, holding his stomach. He couldn't take how cute she was. He went closer to her and tried to pinch her cheeks, but she slapped his hands away and her expression didn't change. She still looked angry.

"Fine, fine, I'll do it." He lied, and pulled out the paper.

"Today, I kept practicing. I'm very tired but I'm still going to go on. My violin needs some maintenance soon otherwise the strings will snap and it will slice up a part of my face. If ever that happens, I will fly home to Japan and make Kahoko take care of me, hehehehe." He said, pretending to translate.

He looked at Kahoko and see seemed to believe it.

"What about the 'rabu' part?" (rabu = love in a Japanese accent) she asked.

"What love part?"

She pointed at the word love where he wrote the song.

"Ah, that's nothing. It's just lyrics."

She stared at him, hoping that he wasn't lying, she nodded and smiled. He smiled inwardly, happy that she bought it. Even though it felt unfair, he was lying to her again. She turned on the TV and watched some performances on MTV Japan. It was only now that Etou noticed what she was wearing: stockings that looked like high socks and four-inch high heels. She was also wearing a mini dress, white with tiny but colorful stripes.

"What are you wearing?" he asked.

She looked down at her clothes and suddenly laughed out of embarrassment. "The girls were here since morning and we were playing dress-up with the clothes you gave me." She said, flustered.

"This is really what you wrote then? About practicing?" she asked him again.

He hesitated this time. Having a hard time lying to her again. He remembered the notes he sent her; he didn't want to be a hypocrite.

"Oh, I... I probably read it wrong. I'll read it again." he said quietly and translated everything word for word. When he was finished, his face looked haggard and he looked a bit sad. She felt his vibes: he was afraid to be judged by her. She smiled ever so slightly and leaned in to hug him, running her fingers through his hair. She felt him hug her back, tightly and with a need to keep her in his arms.

* * *

Later on before dinner when Kiriya shortly visited her just to see how she's doing and spend a little bit of time with her, he left because his schedule wasn't free yet (he said he'd come back as soon as possible), she got a text from Len.

"_Happy birthday to you, I hope your birthday celebration was great. :) How are you? I miss you"_

She smiled and texted him back, asking when he would be coming back.

After a minute, he texted back: "Two more days. I can't wait to see you."

Len put his phone down after sending a message to Kahoko. He hated that he wasn't where she was. Today was her birthday; how could he have possibly gotten through his life without her? Surely enough, the day he would come back would be her most memorable memory… He needed it to be memorable.

Even if it would break both their hearts.

**~END~**

* * *

I apologize for my tardiness again. I know I promise you guys an update every week but school doesn't permit me to do so. Hopefully you enjoyed the chapter. :)


	29. The Break

This is the best day ever.

Party poppers, birthday decorations, a simple cake with a chibi Len and Kahoko in frosting. She was messing up his hair while the frosting Len had his trademark frown. It was slightly awkward, celebrating my birthday late, and with only me and Len. Seeing cake as simple as what Len brought was strange, compared to all our dates going to different cake shops. And those cake shops Kiriya brought me to abroad.

Len seemed out of it. He was calm, smiling gently, and his movements were slow as if he had all the time in the world. Which he didn't. I know that all too well. After my giggles and excited gasps, my house is silent. I look at the cake, impressed at the details. "You look so cute." I say, and look up at him.

He still has that same smile he had when he first came in. Raising his arms for a hug, I walk into them immediately, tears threatening to fall but I cannot cry. I shouldn't keep crying. I have to stop being selfish. This is his work, his dream. I have a dream, and quite frankly if Len kept crying over me going to work I'd be annoyed. Not that he would.

He kissed the top of my head and rested his chin. "Kahoko, maybe it's time." He says quietly.

What? I pull away from him to search his face. "What are you talking about?"

He sighs, his gaze to the floor. "Remember all those times where I've said I never left you?"

The tears I held back as we embraced are resurfacing, blurring my vision. He's planning to leave me.

He must have seen my eyes and my expression since he turned his back on me, refusing to look me in the eye. This must be hard for him, too. "I don't want to compete with Etou," he starts.

I'm about to say something to deny me ever loving Kiriya but nothing comes out. My lips part, more from shock than wanting to say something.

"He's the only brother I have. And I'll admit, maybe I've been too selfish, not bringing you abroad and stuff. But maybe it won't be him. You can make a new journey to self-discovery. You've been stuck with me for a long time, and I know you. You haven't changed much, and it's probably because of my selfishness." He says this with his voice completely steady.

"No!" He's not being selfish, he's being protective. He made no mistakes. I was just too pampered! But I can't blame him for all of this. "You did nothing wrong."

Finally he turns around, upset. Before I can do anything, he gives me a quick kiss on the forehead and leaves. I run after him giving a few seconds head start, yelling his name but he already got in the car. I'm there, standing in the middle of the road, doing nothing to help my current situation.

He's giving me a chance to meet new people, giving me Kiriya and time to stay away from him all at the same time. I'll be honest, during our entire relationship, there wasn't a day where I stopped thinking of him, looking for him like a crazed fan in need of his attention. Why am I only realizing this now? I cried when he wasn't there. (Which was almost all the time) Why was I always crying? Why can other people bear it? I watch my flashbacks, crying in front of the mirror because Len didn't send me a message, because he's been away for too long; any normal person would break up with him because we barely see each other. _Why did I hold on for so long?_

Willing myself not to cry, I ponder the answer to this question. I refuse to be the same mess I have been in since… high school. I can't believe it but I was still stupid since high school, only more equipped with knowledge and experience now. My maturity level seems to have went up by two, or five since then. I'm… I'm so… irritating.

I'm surprised at the words forming in my mind. Verbal insults to myself. I realize that being pampered has made me care more for myself than anyone else. Especially with the constant compliments, though I don't mean to brag about it.

Time away from Len. I've had so much of that. But he's severing the tie of long years of being a couple. And I'm the stupid one who suggested it times before. Being away from him for real. I laugh at the thought, not out of giddiness but of the question that formed out of many others: can I even do it? It would mean he's single. Up for grabs. But he wouldn't find someone else so soon... would he?

The past years, all I've been thinking about in my head is to make people like me. In high school, I never cared for what other people thought of me when I was only being myself. Then suddenly, the attention I received from being chosen since I could see Lili, the world entirely out of my comfort zone. A world where I was thrust into, choosing to play along with the flow and not really absorbing anything from my journey. Except that I couldn't be separated from Len. But I loved him. I guess that was the good part. That I never lied. All I really did was always think of myself. Me and Kiriya. Me and Len. Kiriya making me a model. Fame of being wanted by two violinists. I recognize I may have actually been using people for my benefit only without actually thinking of using others.

I return to the house, finish an entire glass of water and then my eyes settle on the cake.

I end up eating the whole thing while thinking depressing thoughts, soon tears fall.

So much for not being a mess.

* * *

I wake at the feeling of discomfort. Today is unusually hot. I throw off my blanket, still craving sleep. But I feel myself perspiring. I ignore it. I lay there, tossing and turning every now and again, blocking everything out, willing myself to sleep. I did that for two hours and now I sit up, and the events of yesterday come to the front of my mind. _What the hell am I going to do? _I think.

How does one start a new day without thinking of your boyfriend—_ex_-boyfriend? I go down and I get mad at myself for not cleaning up the mess I made on the table where I left the cake. I open the box where it originally was in to put it back but when I look inside it for the first time, there's a scrapbook. I flip through it and my heart seems to freeze. It's a scrapbook of me and Len's journey together, with his own comments written in careful handwriting on post-its. How does he expect me to move on so quickly with _this_? And what we had wasn't just a month-long relationship, it was more than five years.

A small voice in my head whispers, _It didn't take long for you to kiss Kiriya in the hotel room._

Days pass and I realize I'm not good at anything. I try to socialize, and when guys actually do come up to me, they just remind me about Len or Kiriya. It's the same with anyone I bump into. "Hey, you're Len's girlfriend!" "Didn't I see you with Kiriya Eto?"

What can I do? Am I even trying? I go to love guru Mio for help. Because she's the one who understands what makes me tick and that she would never judge me.

I tell her what I've realized about myself, everything that happened with Len. She had a look of surprise and concentration when she saw me outside her gate. She hasn't been the same girly girl that dreamt of romance because she actually had a job she liked to do. And I don't even know what it's called. Nor would I like to ask because she's already said it to me eight times before. She listens to me without interrupting, it felt really weird.

After I told her all my thoughts on the situation, I felt relieved. I sigh and look at her expectantly.

Unexpectedly, she laughs it off.

"What?" I say, getting defensive.

She smiles sadly. "It's funny, how you realized all of this after your twenties."

I blink. "Wait, so you knew? All along that I was a mess?" I feel somewhat betrayed, but maybe Mio's on to something.

"You're not a mess, Kaho. Anyone that knew you back then until now would know. And don't believe for a second that you've never changed, or your maturity level stayed the same, because you are not the same girl I know." She says confidently. "You started working. Why?"

I hesitate. "Because it's what adults do?"

Mio considers this. "And?"

I think. "To be able to get money."

"So you can feed yourself," she nods. "Did you work solely for Len's or Etou's benefit?"

That's stupid. "No." I say, then slowly, I'm starting to realize it. "But... I'm also a crazed fan girl."

"A lot of people are crazed fans, Kaho." Mio says it as if it's obvious, a hint of exasperation in her tone. "Your friends and I never thought of you as a crazed fan girl. More like someone who would be willing to keep a relationship no matter how hard it was to stay in it."

All her words are drilling into my head. This is great news to me. "So then… what should I do now?"

She thinks for a moment. "What do you think you should do?"

I try to actually think of something, other than chores or other necessities that seem more like distractions from my love life. "Focus on my music?"

She nods. "Okay, that's good. You should be like Len, work hard on something you love to do. Prove to him that you're not a wreck without him."

I want to laugh at what she's saying because I _am_ a wreck without him.

"Why does my life feel wrong, Mio?"

She sighs. "These are difficult questions. But I think I can answer it, since I've been reading romance books and mangas all my life." she jokes. "Life isn't all about love."

_Life isn't all about love,_ I repeat in my head.

"Life is a struggle. When you were a kid, you weren't desperate for a relationship, you were playing around. Learning from mistakes, and being innocent," she continues. "You grow up and learn to fend for yourself. Reach your dreams and make your life worthwhile. What supports you unconditionally? Love. Not just romantic love of course,"

"So how is life not all about love?" I ask, trying to put two and two together.

"Because in the end, you die alone." she says bluntly.

I laugh at the sudden bluntness, but I see in her teary eyes that she's not kidding. "How do you know this? What did you read, Mio?" What book can I read to make me learn all this?

She shakes her head. "Experience," she mouths. And this time, I'm the one who'll comfort her, because apparently, she's in a much more broken state than I am in.


	30. Reality

Mio's parents were lost in a boat accident.

What's hard is that her boyfriend broke up with her when she told him the news, how she'd have to work extra for her youngest sibling. He only wanted her for the money she spent on him.

And I think _I'm_ a wreck?

I call Nao, Ryo and Kazuki to come over and we try to cheer her up by cooking a nice dinner. I remember that it's good Len wasn't here because he'd be left out what with the cooking, but then I remember I shouldn't be thinking about him. I make a mental note to stop thinking of myself as the one who's always the most hurt because clearly I'm not. I wonder about the other parents lost in that boat accident and how many other children of theirs are mourning them.

I couldn't help myself when I checked my phone for any messages. Etou texted me. The handsome face that is my wallpaper won't check on me.

The dinner is actually a lot of fun, thanks to the boys. Nao brought karaoke over and the boys just practically lost themselves to the songs, not minding if their voices were off-pitch. Sad songs were avoided completely. I was happy they were there, too because if it were only me and Nao for Mio, we'd dwell on the negative. Kazuki had so many interesting stories to tell, and as I watched the two of them effortlessly make a night fun, I realize that they are potential mates.

I blink. I shouldn't think that. But I can't un-think it.

Like I expected, Kiriya would try calling me since I didn't reply. I excuse myself and go out for a while, and suddenly I feel shame because their voices are heard outside the house. I remember I'm not supposed to be the one affected. I laugh because it's their shame and not mine.

"Kiriya." I say. My hands tighten. "Okay... You'll pick me up?.. Yeah, it's okay... I'm at Mio's house."

I go back in to apologize that I have to leave early. I ignore their boos and hug Mio, thanking her and wishing her the best. I kiss her on the cheek. I hug everyone else and try to get out of Ryo's hold. I mouth "My condolences to you and your family." before I leave.

I wait at the bench outside for the purr of a motorcycle and it comes after ten minutes of waiting. He hands me a helmet.

"Get on." He says coolly.

During the ride, I expected that he'd talk about Len breaking up with me. But Kiriya was not informed. Does that mean I can't tell him either? When he said he wanted to talk to me about something, I thought he meant about _that_. I got worked up for nothing since all he's talking about is this new pastry store he wants me to try.

I hear his voice in my head, "_You haven't changed much, and it's probably because of my selfishness._"

According to Mio, they all say I have changed. I want to test Kiriya.

"Kiriya, how much do you think I've changed since high school?" I ask.

He thinks for a while. "Why are you asking?"

"Nothing, just curious."

He chuckles. "You've changed alright. Maybe you've changed big time but I don't notice because it's all you."

"What?" I'm hoping Kiriya isn't driving drunk. But he doesn't smell like alcohol.

He sighs. "I hate cheesy lines, Kahoko, but I'm doing it for you. Maybe you _have_ changed a lot over the years, but I don't care about that, I only care about who you are with me, and who you are in general."

I feel the heat in my cheeks and I'm so happy that he doesn't see my red face.

Then it hits me again. Kiriya is a legit bachelor this time. Anyone is a bachelor, really. Len isn't off-limits, so he's still is a bachelor. But if I dive into this too fast, it feels wrong somehow. Especially because I technically did cheat on Len.. since he said he's never left and all...

"You're quiet," he says and suddenly laughs. "I made you feel good, didn't I?"

I don't answer verbally. I answer by leaning my cheek against his back. What am I trying to do? Now that I'm more conscious of him and my actions, it feels like everything I do is an invitation to think about relationships. I make another mental note to start being normal and not overly paranoid.

I realize that most of my friends are males.

It's either adrenaline from riding on a motorcycle or hysteria of philophobia, or fear of being or falling love if you will. I need to sleep and calm myself. I should really allow myself to move on first if I ever plan to date other guys.

"So, will you go out with me? I know you're still with Len, and… I'm the bad guy. So let's just go out as friends." He says.

I'm about to tell him what really happened when it hits me. How does Kiriya act as "just a friend"? I want to chuckle evilly, because I'll see him in a different light. Chuckle evilly, what made me think of that? "Okay."

Kiriya gives me a kiss on the cheek after walking me to the door. I don't complain, because whenever I'm with him, I remember his journal entry that he read to me on my birthday. Suddenly, it's like he's a crazed fan boy, too. I laugh quietly as I enter my home, with my sister and my mother. I figured I should stay with my family. Just in case.

I greet everyone and tell everyone how fun it was at Mio's. And I also told them the news.

Back in my room, I flip through the rest of the pages of the scrapbook. It's full. There's no empty space. I hold it back, I don't want to cry anymore. Stupid me, thinking life was all about love. Mio's right. Even if I get married, I eventually will die alone. It's not like I'm going to die at the exact same time as my husband, whoever it will be.

I take a deep breath.

I miss him.


End file.
